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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to get DS17 nothing for his birthday?

446 replies

NavySeal · 01/08/2026 10:30

It's DS17 birthday today.

We agreed beforehand that we'd pay for half of his driving lessons and he'd pay the other half himself.

AIBU for not getting him anything else or doing anything for his birthday?

OP posts:
Wherethedogsits · 01/08/2026 11:21

I couldn’t not give him something to open.

It’s today but you’re only just considering whether you should give him a gift?

VimesandhisCardboardBoots · 01/08/2026 11:22

NavySeal · 01/08/2026 11:19

He hasnt said anything so I think it should be ok but he does seem quite annoyed today. We said happy birthday to him a few times

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For DD, if ever her main gift wasn't something tangible, like driving lessons or concert tickets for 6 months in the future, we'd always get her a few small bits to open on the day, just sweets, or something cheap like a pair of slippers or something she needed.

And we'd always "do" something for her birthday, no matter what the gift is. A day or meal out isn't a birthday gift, it's just a part of celebrating her birthday, something that says "this day is about you"

onlyoneoftheregimentinstep · 01/08/2026 11:23

Very odd not to wrap up a couple of token surprise gifts.

GaaNeen · 01/08/2026 11:23

Doesn’t everyone like the process of having something to open on their birthday ??
driving lessons are a good present for sure !
but I would have deffo had a little few somethings to open on the morning 🎁 🎁

Tryagain26 · 01/08/2026 11:23

NavySeal · 01/08/2026 11:16

We're not struggling but we agreed on paying for his driving lessons and see that as his birthday gift. Would taking him for dinner be ok rather than buying him a gift?

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If you are not struggling for money I would do both.
Is definitely buy him a gift even if it's just L plates, the highway code and some chocolate , and also take him for dinner.
Do you not normally celebrate birthdays in your family? . I admit I sometimes go too far but my children are in the 30s now and I still enjoy choosing and buying them presents. If I buy them an activity type thing I also give them some treats to unwrap too. I'm 70 and I enjoy treats I don't think there is an age limit on enjoying being spoiled occasionally!

Soreenmaltloaf23 · 01/08/2026 11:24

Surely you still do cards, cake, dinner etc. L plates/highway code book are the usual gifts in this situation. We all like a bit of a fuss on our birthday.

Sillysop92 · 01/08/2026 11:25

Socks 🧦 a gift for a 17 year old 🤣🤣🤣🤣

ExtraOnions · 01/08/2026 11:25

In our house it’s “you get to pick the takeway / restaurant”

Everyone gets a card, and a bit of something to open .. maybe just toiletries, a bit of chocolate etc

TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 01/08/2026 11:26

Has he upset you in some way or is he generally difficult/stroppy, etc? It seems as if you’re punishing him for something! I can’t imagine letting a birthday go by without making a fuss even if there was a big gift like driving lessons that couldn’t be wrapped up. But there’d be a card, cake, a meal out, a couple of silly fun gifts wrapped up.

I mean you must have done something to mark the day other than wish him happy birthday, surely?

MagicThanks · 01/08/2026 11:27

That’s really crap, sorry. He should have woken up to a card at least, with a voucher for the lessons inside. Balloons, a cake. Definitely take him out for lunch or dinner.

Tryagain26 · 01/08/2026 11:28

NavySeal · 01/08/2026 11:19

He hasnt said anything so I think it should be ok but he does seem quite annoyed today. We said happy birthday to him a few times

Show quote history

Saying happy birthday and not actually doing anything to make it a happy birthday is odd

takealettermsjones · 01/08/2026 11:28

NavySeal · 01/08/2026 11:19

He hasnt said anything so I think it should be ok but he does seem quite annoyed today. We said happy birthday to him a few times

Show quote history

You literally haven't made any plans or given him a card or anything? Jeez

Glittertwins · 01/08/2026 11:29

They got a car and all their driving lessons. I think that was enough present wise.
They did get cards and a meal out too.

Nousernameideaaga · 01/08/2026 11:29

NavySeal · 01/08/2026 10:30

It's DS17 birthday today.

We agreed beforehand that we'd pay for half of his driving lessons and he'd pay the other half himself.

AIBU for not getting him anything else or doing anything for his birthday?

Yes YABU

ToKittyornottoKitty · 01/08/2026 11:30

Glittertwins · 01/08/2026 11:29

They got a car and all their driving lessons. I think that was enough present wise.
They did get cards and a meal out too.

Edited

Who did?

Deadleaves77 · 01/08/2026 11:30

I think i would have got him some bits to open yes. A book, some toiletries, chocolates, socks type thing. I would always do a few small presents. And then something to indcate driving lessons, my parents got me a copy of the highway code so Id probably do the same or some L plates and then a "voucher". And obviously a card, cake and meal/takeaway which I think is standard birthday fair

Presumably you've done card, cake and planned some sort of nice meal for him? Or have you literally done nothing but say happy birthday?

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 01/08/2026 11:30

What’s he doing tonight? Can you book to go out somewhere? I think a token gift is always nice to unwrap if you can afford it. There’s got to be something consumable, even if he’s not into stuff.

SpringingOn · 01/08/2026 11:30

I think I bought L plates and a Theory test book to open. Dinner is nice.

Bunnyofhope · 01/08/2026 11:30

Madness.
I don't see paying half for driving lessons is generous. You've had his whole life to save for this absolutely foreseeable event.
If you have eaten at all this week, you could have saved £5 and got him a box of maltesers. Or even saved for a couple of months and got him an Amazon voucher.

Orangejuiceisgood · 01/08/2026 11:30

Driving lessons should not be a birthday gift. They are part of their education. Is anyone giving 5 year olds swimming lessons as a birthday gift?

Nousernameideaaga · 01/08/2026 11:31

NavySeal · 01/08/2026 11:19

He hasnt said anything so I think it should be ok but he does seem quite annoyed today. We said happy birthday to him a few times

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Ugh this thread is making me sad. You seem to be putting more effort into this thread than your son’s birthday.

BettyJoanPerske · 01/08/2026 11:31

NavySeal · 01/08/2026 11:16

We're not struggling but we agreed on paying for his driving lessons and see that as his birthday gift. Would taking him for dinner be ok rather than buying him a gift?

Show quote history

Except you're only paying for half his lessons. Stingy.

Notmycircusnotmyotter · 01/08/2026 11:31

I think that's really mean. You're not even paying for the lessons, just half.

Epoisses · 01/08/2026 11:31

It's shit behaviour on your part.

Hayley1256 · 01/08/2026 11:32

I think you should still get him a few bits to open, card etc. I took DD10 to Paris for her birthday but still got her a few bits to open