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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not to want to wash my hair over a sink with a bloody sieve?!

297 replies

RulesControlTheFun · 01/08/2026 08:45

Ok first world problems, but DH, DS, DD and I are staying with my elderly aunt and uncle. They have a massive house with modern bathrooms but DA had just told me that I cannot wash my shoulder length hair in the shower as it will block the drains, “But it’s ok as you can wash it over the sink and catch all the hair in a sieve”! FFS!!!

If I try to do this the water will go everywhere (the basin is tiny), the shampoo and conditioner will go in my eyes if I bend forward, and if I try to kneel backwards it will give me severe neck pain (and water everywhere again).

I normally wash my hair every three days which should have been last night, and we don’t go home until tomorrow. And we’re in the middle of nowhere without a car, though I’m going to have to insist on a diversion on our day trip to buy some dry shampoo.

I’m really annoyed she didn’t tell me this before hand as at least I could have washed my hair just before coming. And what about my 11 year old who has really long thick hair? Mercifully she’s not due to wash hair until tomorrow, but if it had needed washing sooner we’d be stuffed.

😩

OP posts:
lindanovak · 01/08/2026 09:26

Yeah I would just shower as normal using the sieve to catch hair then run the tap and splash about in the sink so she thinks you washed your hair in it. No need for it to be any sort of a big issue.

MsSquiz · 01/08/2026 09:26

Put a pair of tights over the shower trap to catch the hair, job done

SueKeeper · 01/08/2026 09:27

The hair catching is the obvious solution, do they live somewhere you can buy one easily?

Another option is to take DD swimming somewhere today?

Grumpynan · 01/08/2026 09:27

Everyone is saying the same as I was going to, just smile and say ok, then use the shower, what’s she going todo come in and check on you ?

if questioned after just laugh and say you love a challenge or something similar neither confirm or lie, just avoid the question

Haikuing · 01/08/2026 09:31

EverMissWicklowSometimes · 01/08/2026 08:48

Just ignore her and have the shower. Pretend you washed your hair separately over the sink.

I wouldn’t even pretend. Just wash your hair OP and if she asks tell her you thought she was joking because what she’s suggesting is nuts. If she doesn’t like it then tel her she shouldn’t invite people to stay if she’s not prepared to provide adequate washing facilities: it’s the height of bad manners.

Haikuing · 01/08/2026 09:32

AllTheChicken · 01/08/2026 09:25

It does sou d a bit mad but as a PP me tioned, if you or a similar haired person has stayed and previously blocked the drain, she doesn't want a repeat. Also, if you're.not going anywhere why does it matter so much. Seems a bit mad also to have such a strict hair washing schedule for you and dd

Then the aunt and uncle should have bought a hair catcher themselves. What kind of hosts are they?

Slategrey788 · 01/08/2026 09:32

Laurmolonlabe · 01/08/2026 09:10

Old people often get fixated on stupid rules to keep their environment working.
Don't stay,tell her her suggestion is not practical so you can't stay- what on earth is wrong with a strainer over the plughole?
the alternative is go to a gym or similar.
I regularly visited my late Mum, but I couldn't shower, drink red wine or take my coffee into my bedroom because she was paranoid about stains. I went less often and only for 3-4 days at a time.

The rules aren’t necessarily stupid from an elderly person’s perspective.

They may have trouble bending down and attending to hairs in the shower drain, or trouble getting back up again.

They have not been earning in a while so worry about the cost of calling out a plumber.

They may worry about having a stranger in their home.

Their energy may be very limited so they don’t want extra bed linen to wash because they don’t have the upper arm strength to hold it high and fold it.

I know all of these petty rules are annoying but for them they could be a means of managing independence.

Yetone · 01/08/2026 09:33

We have bad drains locally but I use a simple disc in the drainage hole to stop hairs going down.

StarlightLady · 01/08/2026 09:33

YANBB - You are not being bonkers!!! But someone else is.

I usually was mine every other day, but in these circumstances, I would just wait until l got home. I don’t know if you have any experience of dry shampoo, but personally I would just say avoid, avoid, avoid.

l hope that you had a full Hollywood wax before you went away 😀.

Likeiloveyou · 01/08/2026 09:34

I would just wash my hair in the shower.

PinkyFlamingo · 01/08/2026 09:34

Completely insane! I wash my hair every day. Plughole unblocker does the trick but I don't have to use it every day!

Sherararara · 01/08/2026 09:37

endofagain · 01/08/2026 08:48

Put the seive upside down over the drain hole of the shower. Weight it down with something heavy to keep it in place. Don't tell them. Gather up the hair and put it in the bon when you have finished.

Exactly.

RandomMess · 01/08/2026 09:37

You can use punctured tin foil as a temporary hair catcher

Original poster
RulesControlTheFun · 01/08/2026 09:37

EverMissWicklowSometimes · 01/08/2026 08:48

Just ignore her and have the shower. Pretend you washed your hair separately over the sink.

This is what hubby has said to do.

Apologies for the drip feed (pun intended and achieved), but we are also required to shower standing in a giant bucket. I kid you not.
And then tip the contents of the giant bucket into a smaller bucket so it can be used to water the garden.

They have a massive garden with a lot of fruit and veg, and I was prepared to concede that given there’s a drought this isn’t actually batshit.

Only I discovered that there is no drought in this area and the water co has said they don’t expect to declare one…

Anyway, back to the matter in hand, this means that I can wash my hair in the shower and then sieve the giant bucket (still FFS but anyway). So why was I ever told I couldn’t wash my hair in the shower in the first place?!

This is all so nuts that I’m starting to wonder if I’m actually a Russian bot writing click bait MN posts.

OP posts:
Yetone · 01/08/2026 09:38

Bonkers as these rules are, I don’t think you can just ignore them. Long hair does sometimes shed an awful lot during a hair wash and they may block her drains. Can you just not wait a couple of days?

Original poster
RulesControlTheFun · 01/08/2026 09:40

Zippidydoodah · 01/08/2026 08:48

Can’t you put the sieve over the shower drain somehow? (Just to appease them.)

Do neither of them have any hair? Just wondering how they wash their own!

DA has short hair, DU is balding with short hair. They both adopt the sink method as apparently the drain does get blocked but it’s easy to access and unblock unlike the shower and bath one.

DU says the sink gets blocked just from shaving! And they’ve tried using unblocking products etc but it doesn’t seem to work.

OP posts:
DandelionClockSeeds · 01/08/2026 09:42

So, if you are washing your hair in the sink, there is no expectation of buckets of water for the garden.
So, wash your hair in the shower, dont collect the water as you "used the sink". Clear the drain afterwards.

HumberSquid · 01/08/2026 09:42

Why the drama? Just nod, smile and agree and then carry on as normal. Just remember to pick your hair out of the drain.

Madamefroufrou · 01/08/2026 09:43

Bogstandardname · 01/08/2026 08:52

I would wash it in the shower. How can one or two hair washes possibly block a drain unless you are shaving your head in there. Old people (I am one myself) get fixations sometimes and you will not change them. I would be stuffed as I wash my hair everyday. My hairdresser has a lady who only washes her hair every couple of months. Yuk

my gran says she has never washed her own hair since she was 16!
she attends the hairdresser once a month for wash and whatever - her
hair is coarse like horsehair and curly, stays in place and always looks
immaculate

we have those sink hair catchers (available from Robet Dyas, supermarkets)
in our showers and trained everyone to use them -
the water ebbs away slower but it works - just slide off
the remaining hair and down the toilet it goes

we wash hair daily, I too would be stuffed and scratching my scalp by now

OP this instruction from your Aunt is unreasonable, but you will be home soon

Original poster
RulesControlTheFun · 01/08/2026 09:43

Yetone · 01/08/2026 09:38

Bonkers as these rules are, I don’t think you can just ignore them. Long hair does sometimes shed an awful lot during a hair wash and they may block her drains. Can you just not wait a couple of days?

Im obviously not going to die if I don’t wash my hair but it is going to look rank by the time I go home if I can’t wash it.

I’m less annoyed by the rules themselves - in some ways: their house their rules - than the fact they didn’t tell me before. As I’d have washed my hair the morning I came here and brought dry shampoo, and could have muddled through.

OP posts:
onesinglepringle · 01/08/2026 09:43

RulesControlTheFun · 01/08/2026 09:37

This is what hubby has said to do.

Apologies for the drip feed (pun intended and achieved), but we are also required to shower standing in a giant bucket. I kid you not.
And then tip the contents of the giant bucket into a smaller bucket so it can be used to water the garden.

They have a massive garden with a lot of fruit and veg, and I was prepared to concede that given there’s a drought this isn’t actually batshit.

Only I discovered that there is no drought in this area and the water co has said they don’t expect to declare one…

Anyway, back to the matter in hand, this means that I can wash my hair in the shower and then sieve the giant bucket (still FFS but anyway). So why was I ever told I couldn’t wash my hair in the shower in the first place?!

This is all so nuts that I’m starting to wonder if I’m actually a Russian bot writing click bait MN posts.

Show quote history

Why do you need to sieve the bucket if it's going on the garden?

This gets crazier and crazier 😂

Alittlefrustrated · 01/08/2026 09:44

Their concerns are not ridiculous - 2 people washing very long thick hair can easily block some shower drains.
The proposed solution is funny though.
Change their lives and buy a hair catcher.
Don't just dismiss their concerns and leave them with a problem to be fixed, that may cause them inconvenience and money.

UhOhRatPoo · 01/08/2026 09:44

RulesControlTheFun · 01/08/2026 09:40

DA has short hair, DU is balding with short hair. They both adopt the sink method as apparently the drain does get blocked but it’s easy to access and unblock unlike the shower and bath one.

DU says the sink gets blocked just from shaving! And they’ve tried using unblocking products etc but it doesn’t seem to work.

Show quote history

The shower drain can’t be completely inaccessible. Maybe they struggle but sure you could do it. Just clean it after your and DDs showers.

Lifelover16 · 01/08/2026 09:44

If you’re going home tomorrow it won’t hurt to not wash it for a day. Tie or clip
it up.

Enfrancais · 01/08/2026 09:44

You definitely just lie. Especially as you're only going to wash it once.

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