Should I ask my neighbours if we can have designated times to sit in the garden?

Um this you too OP?

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5546938-aibu-to-think-neighbours-should-not-be-naked-in-their-garden

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5546418-to-ask-my-neighbour-to-bring-her-laundry-in

I would hate this too OP. But thats why we live rurally where the nearest neighbour is out of earshot…however, slow internet, have to drive absolutely everywhere, constant taxi service for the teens, limited deliveries etc etc so swings and roundabouts! It’ll soon be cold and raining again.

Wow 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 just wow

Im fascinated- what kind of prancing?

You do sound crazy to me, to be honest!
Just get out in the garden and have your own games and barbecue. The children playing will be occupied with their own game and not listening to the neighbour.
You cannot offer a garden use rota, tell them what to do in their property, go around spying on what they and their friends do.. you say they left at 9 pm! That is completely reasonable.
Just live your own life! How can be teaching your children to be a miserable gossip be of any help to them?

Haha, yeah. I've never seen a person prancing before. Maybe OP should stop borderline stalking her neighbours?!

Imagine if they were saying this many nasty remarks about her?! I bet they're not.

She makes herself sound like a jealous misogynist with the prancing bikini comment!

I think people need to acknowledge that there is quite a lot of problematic behaviour too and more frequently these days. Constant loud music with speakers, smoke, vape and weed smells, power tools, huge barbeques, giant trampolines, film screens in gardens, hot-tubs. We have several local houses with public PA systems for their garden parties - that really isn't okay - but still really hard to deal with.

People seem to be both more entitled, less considerate and the size, volume of kit and frequency of use has gone up, hence it being harder to let it go when you are subject to it. It's not just on a bank holiday or an occaisional weekend anymore it can be every day/constant. Gardens are not really private in most housing - they are semi-public and there does need to be some level of social contract.

Also, none of those things are really suitable for terrace living - we are all simply too close to be able to indulge every whim and tolerate other people's. What is appropriate and considerate needs navigation on both sides.

But yeah, just stop looking/breathing/listening silly!

You're being absurd.

If the kdis want to go I ntbe garden, let them go and make whatever noise they want. Don't stop them cos he's working.

Bikini, stop staring out your window at them fgs. But also, everything is covered so it's hary going to corrupt them if they catch sight of a thigh or stomach.

The gaping, you could reasonably ask if they could vape away from your fence.

The noise etc, sounds like they'd be unable to listen to your conversation anyway so seems odd not to go out because of that.

Can you move your table away fro their side?

YABU, but I wouldn’t want my DC hearing all that either. Sadly people are far less quiet and considerate nowadays.

I’d just echo a PP- give your DC water guns and start playing children’s music. That should give the neighbours pause for thought. If they ask you to keep it down then you can tell them you’re doing it to mask their loud noise next door.

This. Good luck with the note though - let us know how that goes ..

Surprise surprise op has vanished

Is that right?

I did wonder when the OP said that their DC were off school.

Of course you can’t!

You can always take your kids into the garden & sing..

wind the bobbin up.

I don't think you can ask that, but I do feel your pain - our neighbours really dominate the outdoor space and it can make it difficult to enjoy our garden. People on here will say 'it's normal', 'they can do what they want in their own space', blah blah blah - I think that if you live in a terrace/semi-detached then yes, you should expect some of all that. But I also think that if you live in a terrace/semi-detached then you should also expect to adapt your behaviour a bit to be considerate of neighbours. BBQ every other weekend, stop noise at a reasonable hour so people can sleep with windows open without hearing rubbish music. People have become more inconsiderate imo.

You are completely deluded. Go live on your own deserted island, problem solved.

I think that's a good point about being tolerant (not a pushover, but just understanding differences).
You just have to live and let live, but do something if it becomes unreasonable.

Mirror his behavior- full on loud conversations, kids parties in the garden, music, etc. He will reach out himself

Haha, op, maybe this is your neighbour as such this poster beleives it’s fully reasonable for you to ask for a garden use rota. 😂

The trick here is to use this scenario to teach your children. You may not like what they are doing but you cannot control it so rather than try to organise who sits outside when and what they talk about it's a good idea to have a chat with your kids about adult conversation, privacy, sharing space with others... whatever you like really. The lesson is you can't control others so teach your children instead how to deal with these situations. HTH

I’ve been too hot to prance in my garden in a bikini or otherwise 🥵

Seriously they are not doing anything wrong in their use of their garden. Your idea of suggesting a rota is, quite frankly, batshit crazy but try it and see what they say.

We live in a terrace which is sandwiched between a railway line and main road. Add to that the kids in the various gardens, the fire station a couple of doors down and the smell of the next door but one neighbours weed wafting over the fence. You’d hate it OP, but our friends, who live right next to a busy main road going through our village, come round and say how quiet it is in our garden.

Meh, neighbours can be annoying but it’s just part of living amongst other people.
My old neighbours were very antisocial so we moved. Our new neighbours can be a bit loud, one hosts his clients all through summer involving boring golfing chat and watching their outdoor TV but they’re nice and helpful too.
I would hate to live somewhere completely isolated so putting up with occasionally annoying neighbours is the payoff.

The trellis is a good idea @Hummusfiend- even if it doesn't work this year, it'll help with the ever increasing heatwaves.
I think it's fine to mention the vaping, but everything else just leave.

I think people are really harsh on here and the OP deserves some sympathy. Her solution might not be quite reasonable, but feeling really beleagured by neighbour noise is upsetting and exhausting. It can be be really dominating in your life and home - even just kids playing.

Also all this easy "don't look" - how does that actually work? Physical blinkers? Holding your head in one direction only? You can look away yes, but it's very close and noisy and actually often feels like it's in your own house/garden.

Our neighbours have recently raised the deck outside their house and have large glass doors on the back so suddenly it feels like we are basically in their kitchen and the noise levels have gone up a lot, the fence is effectively lower between us and I they can see right into us - ie me washing up in my pants.

I think there are two things - one is of course setting your own reasonable limitations - up to 9 is okay, a word about inappropriate/work conversations in front of young kids maybe, smell from vaping? I think I would perhaps mention these gently. But beyond that you have to really let it go as the inevitablitlity of living v close to other people. I have had to work at it too, and it does feel tough initially. (incidentally reading all the neighbour issues on Mumsnet actually made it worse for me - I got so furious! yet hear I am).

Second thing is can you plant anything? I am about to order trellice and some sturdy climbers - they are surprisingly effective as sound and smoke buffers - though obviously may take a while to grow.

YABU to expect it to be quiet in the back garden, it’s not possible. So I would look into long term solutions for the future but I wouldn't put any notes, it wont help.
Just encourage your children to play noisy games outside and switch on music.
If neighbours ask you to turn it down reply with polite no ( prepare in advance) but don’t mention their actions, don’t make it tit for tat.
I wouldn’t shout anything while they’re talking about their sex life, I would again encourage kids to produce noise and make it known that you were there.

P.S. your mistake was to mention bikinis in your post 😆