I've mad an utter fool of myself

Exactly. What is all this nonsense about a hand written letter, and I think another poster mentioned flowers?? Talk about adding even more drama to everything!

A message apologising and then blocking on everything is enough. We all do stupid things op, you are not the only one!

great advice

Be prepared for @Connected1 who will also "despair at your reading comprehension." 😆

Firstly you aren't the first and won't be the last to do something like this, you can't change it so need to just accept its happened now.

I wouldn't message him or her, he has been very clear and it won't help anything to message her. Just chalk it down to a vulnerable time in your life and a series of poor decisions.

I think:

• really insensitive and shit of your parents’ to stay so chummy with his parents despite your history. That is shit of them imo!!!
• avoid all of them for as long as you want.
• you were drunk- I would make that very clear to anyone who queries you and just laugh it all off.

Now for the problems - I’m not surprised you feel as you do. You sound lonely and they’ve all just carried on without much care towards you it seems to me. Do you have other friends? Could you take on a new hobby? Don’t beat yourself up for feeling crappy and a bit unstable- it’s normal imo after what you’ve been through. It’s a lot!! Do something nice for yourself. Forget about what they may or may not think of you. You’re allowed to be human and you had too much to drink. Xxx

The definition of sexual assault is an unwanted sexual advance, so…..

For the love of god not another insta message.

i don’t think she kissed him though.

I don’t think leaning in to kiss someone or attempting to kiss someone, is a sexual assault no matter if it was male for female.
otherwise the whole world would be guilty of that ?
Forcing it in any way, yes. But this is completely not the case and their families were there, she was not threatening him and the kiss never even connected (if I read that correctly)

it’s still burning embarrassing but not an assault. (In my opinion)

Op was sufficiently clear it was clear even for ESOL person

Were the parents not friends before their relationship? I didn't see that stated.

Or do you think that's irrelevant and they should have distanced themselves when their children's relationship broke down?

I'm trying to imagine my nan never speaking to her next door neighbour because my summer fling with her visiting grandson didn't survive when he went back to finish sixth form.

Do you often lean in to kiss attached people then? Or anyone really.

Even if you hadn't be misinterpreting his messages, it would still have been a terrible thing to do, and was at every step as you chose to follow him and flirt. I can't believe the posters here who are blaming him and calling him cruel or a drama llama. He's done nothing wrong and he was quite right to be honest with his GF not cover it up, which would only look suspicious as so often is the case with situations on here where a man doesn't mention such things until later and the take is always 'he must have something to hide'. It's perfectly reasonable for him to think OP was just being friendly as she'd moved on and had a DC with someone else and it was clear he was happy with his GF. To sympathise with OP's loneliness and upset is one thing, but to excuse actively targeting a guy with a GF and then hitting on him when she's in the next room is mindboggling and if a man did similar on here it'd be instant outrage. OP, it sounds like you have good friends as well as your DC and parents (who will come around) so better to focus on them and get yourself back on an even keel. It's not long since your break-up and the last thing you need is another man to make that better. You're not ready and need to get your head straight. Try to think that you'll look back on this as a tough but necessary rock bottom that you can rise up from into a much better place.

' She isn't British and has a heavy accent at times so I struggled to understand her but I eventually said something like "I don't know I guess I'm just jealous cause you're beautiful and have him and I don't" and then I muttered under my breath "I hate you". '

You actually told her that you hate her ?!!!

' She quickly replied to that with "Funny how I've never been hated by someone I wanted to swap positions in life with" or something like that and walked away.'

but I thought she has a heavy accent, and you struggled to understand her
so surely the above is a contradiction

How are you supposed to know whether you are going to get rebuffed for a kiss until you try?

His girlfriend being in the next room should be a big clue.

I'd be semi honest.

You are sorry. You are in a bad place following your break up and you know you acted inappropriately.

But I might play down the messaging and how much you've built it up.

I'd say something more along the lines that you drank too much and in that moment felt reminisce for the feelings you once shared.

That you know that was wrong and that you are both different people and that your actions have caused upset to his girlfriend.

That you hadn't realised he'd be there and seeing him so happy stirred these feelings in you but that you know you are deflecting from the breakdown of your own relationship and that acting this way wasn't right or fair to anyone.

Be profoundly sorry but given the wider family relationships I think 'drunken mistake ' is easier to recover from than the more deliberate longer term thoughts.

The g/f's comments are really odd. "Funny how I've never been hated by someone I wanted to swap positions in life with". Sounds as though she thinks he still loves you? I think the one who comes out worst is your ex. Going running to Mummy o say you made a pass. What kind of a guy does that - a total wimp. I would apologise but just to her. He doesn't deserve it. Blame the booze, blame life treating you badly right now and wish her well.

He did the right thing immediately telling his girlfriend. It is rare we get to hear about good, honest men.

You sound like you are having g a tough time OP, but your morals are on the floor.

Trying to kiss another woman's boyfriend when she is in the next room and messaging him flirtatiously is disgraceful.

I hope this has been a shock and a wake up call for you. I suggest a great therapist and working on your self esteem. You talk really poorly about yourself, but I bet you're great.

I'm not going to go on, because you have been punished enough by having the confrontations. We all make mistakes and this was a big one.

I agree and I’m bemused at the extreme reactions and discussion of rape, given the context of them being in the kitchen and the parents and partner in the next room.

and I’m appalled at the folks trying to blame him. Someone even said he was cruel to tell his partner. Clearly not putting themselves in the partners shoes.

if one of my husbands mates got wankered and tried to kiss me in the kitchen too right I’d go straight through, tell my husband and then tell someone responsible to get them to go home and sleep it off.

the op even told the partner she hated her. As she stood sobbing in the kitchen, the partners response was spot on.

for me they handled it perfectly. He declined. Told his partner, they told the parents, to get the drunk op home.

if that makes me cruel then colour me cruel. The op should apologise via message, anything else is excruciating.

This is really good advice op

From what you've written, it's not clear what she meant. You were drunk, she doesn't have English as a first language. Why would you blame her for being really angry with you?

I'm concerned that already you're trying to offset the blame onto her and move the spotlight away from you and what you did and said. That's not a helpful way forward. Own your own actions and take responsibility for them.

You say the father of your child left you because of incompatible lifestyles. What does that mean? Were issues about your drinking involved?

It doesn't matter what she said to you, or what you think she meant.

You clearly don't like her.

But please do not make her out to be at fault for anything in your mess.

Yes this. Anyone with a heart will understand it's a difficult time for you and you were upset and not thinking straight. Id maybe message his mum to briefly apologize. It's ok OP. Don't beat yourself up about it.

Its a quote/saying from someone about how she’s never been hated by a woman she’d want to trade places with, ergo - the only people who are regularly hating are those beneath us, happy, thriving and successful women don’t have time to hate. I’ve seen it going the rounds on the “female empowerment” corners of social media.