Secondary school does not allow D.Martens

Jesus . The school has a uniform policy . Stick to it . All you're doing is teaching your kid she doesn't have to follow any rules if you or she don't agree with them . Not going to help if hopefully when she enters the work place .

This is nonsense and you are being ridiculous. DMs are not even shoes, let alone school shoes. Wear something that is in line with school rules, you presumably had access to the uniform info before committing to sending your kid there.

hate this attitude from parents

I have never encountered a school that would allow Doc Martens as school shoes...

Are you from another country? I only ask because I think this is the sort of thing that would be completely obvious to anyone who grew up in the UK, although now you say it, I suppose the phrasing of "black shoes" could be ambiguous if you don't know that "school shoes" is an entire category of its own. The wording is usually something like "smart black shoes, no boots, no sandals, no trainers, no open toes, heels no higher than 2 inches". You need to go into a shoe shop and ask to see their "school shoe section", and then pick a shoe from that section (avoiding trainer-style shoes if the school rules specifically forbid them).

The school sounds awful for its bullying, and it's good your daughter is transferring soon, but if you move to a new school they are extremely unlikely to allow Doc Martens either.

but in future: if you see videos, alert the head with a link immediately.

You can also flag it to YouTube and tell them to take it down.

100%

Setting this kid up for a miserable existence when, as an adult, she doesn’t get to have her own way all of the time.

Yes, the school sounds like it’s underperforming. I’m thinking that a cohort of the school population comes from homes with complicated social issues, highlighted by the fact that that family members/parents are involved in assaults, and those assaults are video recorded and posted on YouTube.
Yes, you are right that these systemic issues need to be addressed. Are you saying that until that happens, the school uniform is null and void? As in…we don’t have to follow the school uniform policy until all of the children and their ASBO behaviours are sorted out?

I'm definitely with the school. Jeez

When you pick the next school for your child look at the rules and policies they set and if you aren't prepared to abide by them don't apply.

my DD school did allow plain DM shoes as school shoes - it's not the brand that is a problem

Your child will have a great career I am sure, already being encouraged to ignore school rules and threaten to be violent - poor kid.

They are not allowed. That is it. You may not agree but that is what the school have stated. There has to be a cut off.

Now teachers and other school staff are spending vast amounts of time on this when they could be dealing with some of the other issues you have mentioned which are much more serious.

This exactly.
It’s not that difficult to adhere to the uniform rules.
How on earth can schools be expected to maintain discipline and decent standards if parents won’t support them. You need to provide your DD with the correct uniform and send her to school in it.
Parents should be supporting and not undermining school rules.

so any high school that has fights between families has no uniform policy, for every other pupil entirely nothing to do with said fight? Good luck with that

What a load of rubbish! I say this as a mum whose DS is now out of the school system and is now a young adult.

i was always a mum that wanted to do the right thing and responded to and respected teachers. Until I had my DS enter the school system, and i realised that some of them were just bonkers or power mad.

Secondary school we had a year head who was - frankly - an idiot - well known among the teaching staff as thick as mince., the calls I had from him were pure comedy - like telling me my ds had been playing with a bit of cucumber on the desk in wet day break room. i was told 'think about the allergens..' I had to tell him that if anyone was allergic to cucumber and it being 98% water, they'd have bigger issues on a rainy day than my son playing with some cucumber'

DS shot up one year and his school shirts (already the biggest school shirt size i could get and £££) stopped staying tucked in. he wanted to give him an afterschool detention for that. The late bus was not running due to post covid and i told him that this was not an afterschool detention level 'crime' - he sent me a really snotty and rude email at like 9pm at night and I went to the head and had a calm conversation about proportionality and reason. no afterschool detention required.

My advice to you @corporategreen is to ignore it for now. You have put in a transfer request. Tell them that you have spent a lot of money on her school shoes that were compliant and identical to the kickers worn by everyone else. You will replace them WHEN she has grown out of them. Invite them to stump up the cash for kickers replacement if that doesn't suit.

you said Then in one of the meetings they asked Dd why she loves her DMs so much and why she is so attached to it and she reply along the lines that it is because it makes her feel safe as they are strong and sturdy and she feels that she can kick bullies if needed. Were you in this meeting? if not, then be VERY clear on this that they are NOT to harangue her on the decisions YOU make on her school uniform, they are not trainers, they are not high heels they are ankle books like everyone else wears and as above, you will replace when appropriate.

Sometimes schools go for the parents who listen and don't bother with those who don't. You are not doing anything wrong. keep up with the line about them focusing on their bullying problem and not persisting with this nonsense in the meantime. Tell them that if they persist in this line in tackling your daughter directly you will go to the governors.

Ultimately, your DD is leaving, it doesn't matter if you are 'that parent' they are 'that shit school'

Unfortunately where you get large groups of young people together you're always going to have some sort of issue - kids being horrible to each other, families with historic fueds etc. I've worked in lovely schools and you still get an element of this. Teach your daughter to focus on herself and her education and not get involved in other people's drama. Get her some plain black shoes.

There shouldn't even be the issue of trying to 'convince' a 11 or 12 year old to wear the right shoes to school.Just buy her a pair of acceptable school shoes. It's not difficult. You are the parent.

The problem these days is that too many parents pander to what the children want. They have forgotten who the adult is and who should be guiding who.

It's not surprising why school are concerned after the answer she gave. It's not harassment to say the school rules need to be followed.

My DS had DM school shoes, they were great, lasted years. the only rule his school said were no black trainers

that said, there were times where some of the boys had grown out of their school shoes by easter and getting new school shoe before summer holiday was not possible or even wise as they would grow even more over the summer, friends of mine had to have a few conversations about the trainers instead of shoes as a stop gap until the next term.

Boot style DM’s were banned when I was at school 30 odd years ago. I always thought any boot style shoe was not allowed. The plain black shoe type are ok by the same company though. We had to colour the yellow stitching black one year I think. I remember when I was at school a particular canvas shoe was very en vogue but we all had to cut the red label on the tongue off or get in trouble. These sorts of rules are not new

I think it should raise even greater red flags with the school that they are so unable to deal with bullying that a student would feel the need to say that.

I was never allowed DMs either - you were sent home if you wore unsuitable shoes. I'm surprised they've been so lenient and had so many discussions with you and her about them, to be honest.

You can't argue that students at the school are out of control and then take issues with the staff when they try to get those same students to stick to the rules. Which is basically what the uniform policy does.

My kids' school is probably one of the few locally who allow boots in general and wouldn't have a problem with DM boots. However it's not because it's a hive of bullying and you need to be able to defend yourself (although a good DM shoe to the shin was what finally stopped my own school bullies years ago) - it's cos the Head is sensible and school is on a hilly site that gets icy as fuck.

But the shoe style DM’s and the DM boots have the same sole.

I’ve never known a school allow DMs. Just buy your dc compliant footwear.