Shouted at by male midwife mid panic attack

If course I understand why. You don't know me. You don't know what I've been through.

Your personal experiences aren't relevant to my point. You don't have to have a reason to object to intimate care from a man, as a woman.

aggression or discrimination and it’s very likely that your initial reaction to him came across as one or both

How?? The OP was distressed. She was having a miscarriage and tried to ressure and comfort him. Show me the aggression. He was the one that became aggressive.

And the discrimination line is ridiculous. Any woman asking that a woman sees her for an intimate examination is not being sexist. Not even a bit. And if the male midwife doesn’t understand that, he needs to leave asap.

Then please do follow up your complaint as that is unacceptable

Because he has no context and probably just thinks oh another person being sexist.

Then he and badly needs training in patient centred care and understanding consent.

And the discrimination line is ridiculous. Any woman asking that a woman sees her for an intimate examination is not being sexist. Not even a bit. And if the male midwife doesn’t understand that, he needs to leave asap.

This. And this is why men shouldn't do these jobs, unless they fully demonstrate that they understand women's dignity and boundaries.

Again. If a male midwife thinks a woman wanting a same sex midwife for vaginal examinations is being ‘sexist’, he should be sacked. Or at least undergo extensive training. What context do you think is needed??

In any case, she explained and he still followed her aggressively and shouted.

If nurses blocked the door to stop you leaving, which is backed up by you very clearly and tellingly describing it as “managed to get out” I would say that’s extremely serious indeed. Were they restraining you?

That doesn’t sound like any kind of protocol, it sounds like holding you against your will.

Also, for the male midwife to chase you and yell at you like that, he must be unhinged.

What hospital is this OP? The staff sound like something out of American Horror Story!

Sorry you have to deal with this aftermath, rather than focusing on your personal grief. I’m sure the last thing you feel like doing is raising a complaint.

*The situation escalated with him shouting at me, and none of the nurses intervened.

The male midwife followed me and continued shouting, saying I had verbally attacked him.

He even told me to "get over myself" *

How any of the gaslighters here can say that it was the OP being aggressive and abusive is beyond me.

Do I not? OK then..

I would expect an HCP, especially in this kind of role, to have had some experience or thought about this kind of scenario and how they should need to respond. It isn’t so unusual. It is certainly not discriminatory. You should definitely complain about this.

I agree

Magical how you seem to know what happened despite not having been there.

if you read my post carefully you’ll see that my comments were all about how things are perceived by the individual.

it’s pretty common for one persons fear to come across as aggression or confrontation to another.

I immediately started trying to explain bc I was worried I had offended him and I started crying. I didn’t shout. I could barely speak. I felt trapped. Not angry or shouty, but more scared and defenseless.

I've actually been in a similar position with a male bully at work and a scenario that went from ha ha bants to really quite intimidating very quickly. He got in front of the door and blocked my exit, either knowingly or not, and I reacted like you. I then burst into tears and hated myself for it.

I believe you and I sympathise

OP I do not think you need to defend yourself further.

Please take time to try and relax and look after yourself a little bit now. Chat to your partner. Start to come to terms with the loss you have suffered today.

Ask your partner to draft a letter tomorrow. Your OP is fine as it is.

People’s opinions here don’t actually matter.

That midwife and the whole department at the very least need some training. When I worked in Perinatal mental health, we were very supportive of women referred to our service who had been victims of sexual assault. We would meet with midwives and try and think about the best way to support the pregnancy and delivery. Trying to understand how a woman might feel about a vagina delivery. Especially an instrumental one. Would a planned section be better etc? That department is dreadful and they did not deliver a patient-centred approach. I am sorry. You are in the right and do not doubt yourself.

Bypass PALS and go direct to the chief exec.

And a hcp needs to get a grip and distinguish a frightened traumatised patient from an abusive and aggressive one.

All this could have been avoided by patients being told that there was a male midwife on duty & was that OK or would they rather wait & see a woman?

What do you mean by this? It’s pretty obvious what she meant. 🙄🙄🙄She thought she was seeing a woman. And then she clocked that the midwife she was going to see was actually a man.

Thanks, I think my post landed just after you mentioned it. I’ve seen it on TV. So all this happened in that waiting room you see on the TV? How awful.

I’m not surprised you panicked, the room must have felt claustrophobic all those people in there.