Shouted at by male midwife mid panic attack

I don't think the other nurses were trying to block you. I think they were trying to help you because they thought your behaviour was you being in pain and distressed by the miscarriage. Hence them trying to guide you to the examination table.

No need for the eye roll, I was asking for clarification.

That's awful, so sorry you experienced that. When I had male midwife with my first, the first thing I was asked was I ok having him as my midwife, otherwise they would assign me a female.

This is good practice. It's what should happen every time. If men want to work in gyne/midwifery then they should be prepared for it. Unfortunately there are male HCPs who work in these fields who really don't like or respect women. Complain. I didn't and have always regretted it.

Sorry apart from being incredibly insensitive this post misses a massive point.

If the OP was behaving in anyway erratic, the the staff should be deescalating the situation.

The mere presence of this man was escalating the situation after the OP said he didn't want him there. The quickest and easiest way to defuse the situation was to

a) confront the patient
b) remove yourself from the situation

So even if this scenario happened (I would bet a large amount of money that it didn't), the bloke STILL didn't behave in a way that was professional or helping the situation in anyway. Precisely because he made it about him, and not the patient's need.

Course you weren’t. You were trying to trip up the OP and nitpick at her wording. What’s wrong with people here.

OP, you’ve been very clear in your posts here. There are some things that you know 100% happened, and are clearly totally unacceptable and 100% deserve to be complained about (the actions of the midwife).

There are other things that you believe happened but you are open minded to the possibility that the way you experienced them MIGHT not be how the individuals intended them (the nurses blocking/standing by door). These are, in my view, also worth raising in your complaint, if nothing else to help with professional education about how what may have been well-meaning actions can appear threatening to an already traumatised patient.

It may be worth differentiating between those two categories of issue when you complain, to help avoid the recipients of the complaint going down a rabbit hole to explain the MOTIVATION of the nurses, whereas the main issue is the behaviour of the midwife and this was compounded by the IMPACT of the nurses’ behaviour, intended or not.

It’s my local hospital too. I’m so so sorry you had that experience.

The discrimination line is bullshit because women do have sex based rights which include considerations given to dignity and privacy relating to sex.

I'm so sorry you went through this and sending love.

I'm not entirely sure I agree with male midwives. I know not all female midwives are good but as someone who has fortunately never experienced sexual assault or trauma, I still wouldn't feel comfortable with a male at my most vulnerable moments. I was stitched up in theatre by a male doctor as i ha ad a third degree tear, but the room was full of women nurses and midwives, my baby was with me and I was high as a kite on gas and air and happiness so I didn't mind that - but in labour, early pregnancy...no. I would have also requested a female midwife.

This is St George’s hospital you say OP?

Your experience sounds very upsetting but i have to say… my recent experience with maternity care at St George’s was outstanding.

i think in future your husband should
accompany you given your
panic attacks and history, and that should be a priority

Exactly and a patient should not have to concern themselves with whether they are going to "Trigger" a health professional.
OP, I am sorry you are having to read so many unhelpful threads suggesting your experience was not as you described and/or telling you what you should have done differently, its unfair, unhelpful and unsupportive

This is what I'm starting to wonder now. Perhaps OP did absolutely nothing wrong but the midwife was offended by being called male..?

this

two columns Op

1. what you’re 100% sure on
2. What you believe happened ie all the nurses blocking your exit and how you managed to escape

This is what I'm thinking and why the midwife was so hysterical.

The male midwife followed me and continued shouting, saying I had verbally attacked him. He even told me to "get over myself" and shared that he also had a history of panic disorder. I felt utterly humiliated and helpless. Eventually, the lead midwife took me to a quiet room, but no one apologized or acknowledged his behavior.

Bloody hell @ThisBrickWriter this is appalling. I hope you're feeling a tad better.

YANBU at all. He was an arse of toxic masculinity - his feelings are not the priority here although anyone would recognise that he may well be justified in feeling - privately - that he wasn't a predator. But in a situation such as this, he should be professional enough to put his feelings aside, and seek appropriate support from colleagues after treating you - or rather gracefully withdrawing so you are treated by a woman.

He should not be practicing if that is his response to a woman in a vulnerable and life-threatening situation. I'm so sorry.

I hope you get some response from the hospital via PALS.

OP it might be advisable to get MN to remove the hospital details from your post

Are you? The details are useful in putting together the bigger picture. Of course there's no evidence that OP was verbally abusive, but there is an accusation, and we've obviously only got OP's side of the story. Nobody is insinuating she was abusive, but the fact is the midwife accused her of this, so I guess it has to be considered.

Anyway, given recent updates, it sounds like there's definitely more to this and OP should absolutely take it further.

I'm so sorry you had this happen.
Please report it so it can be investigated fully. Your DP wants you to. PALS have advised you to.

Find the strength to do this so people can learn

Same here- the female midwife was going off shift and asked me if I was ok with a male taking over. She went out of her way to reassure me he was lovely (which he was).

I'm not being goady or anything, but what is the point in saying this? There are good and bad in every establishment and, to me, it feels inappropriate to mention your positive experience in OP's very distressing AIBU. I'm just wondering why say this.

Balance

The op had named the hospital

OP this sounds horrendous. I’m so sorry you’ve experienced this 💐 I’m also sorry people are being unkind to you here. He doesn’t sound fit to be working with the public, never mind vulnerable women going through a traumatic experience. Self centred arse.

I think if you'd explained you're sorry you have a note on your file about not seeing a male due to a difficult history the situation may have gone differently.

Why the fuck should she apologise? She has the absolute right of veto over who sees her vagina.