DP weird relationship with ex

There you see op hes kind and caring qualities that you love about him are what likely prevent him getting confrontational with he's ex when she's slagging you off? You need to sit down and have a long hard think about can you get use to he's baggage 🧳 ( it might never change ) or if you want to go it alone with these points in mind. 1. Less support from him at home 2. You will have the ex happy dancing! 3. An annoying ex with the absents of cheating isn't massive enough to exit the relationship with a 3 month old? Has marriage been mentioned op?

@kiana2015 https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/stepparenting/5028087-my-partner-goes-out-with-his-ex-more-than-me

try giving this a read. Might give you some clarity and more understanding as it’s on the step parent board so women who have to deal with ex affecting their lives

I know you said he is otherwise good but I think you have to ask yourself he might help out with your baby but that’s standard is all the good outweighing his inability to blend his families, set boundaries with the ex and put your feelings above his exes and respect you. It’s a tough call and I don’t envy you. Xx

He knew you’d be angry

He’s spending most of his money on his first family, coming to OP for top ups when he’s short before payday. So he is giving preferential treatment to the ex financially as well as being at the beck and call with his time, from what I have read.
Using OP as a bank. So she is useful there. What if she says she can’t afford to subsidise the ex as well as pay all for the baby? Refuses to give him extra money because his ex and elder daughter got it all?
He is not open about all his interactions with his ex, he is compartmentalising his life so his children don’t get to see each other…though a 3 month old…still, older child might like some time with a baby.

He’s been excluding his fiancée from being with his first child and if they are supposed to be getting married, is the step daughter not to stay over in the father’s family home with growing half sister and new wife? As the step daughter grows up, is he going to spend even more time with her away from OP, doing taxi runs for activities and friend events?

Now he is giving the silent treatment for 4 days so far , so he isn’t as understanding as she thinks. Silent treatment is abuse. It’s a form of punishment, not a resolution of issues, except a sign of ‘my way or the Highway’

I see red flags. I would not be marrying this guy. At least, not while he is so tied to the ex. Marriage is easy. If it goes pear shaped, and the signs are not good, divorce when a child is involved is not so easy, and it’s expensive as well as emotionally draining.

OP needs to step back and look at the whole finance, emotional tie, lies - even if it’s lying by omission to do as he wants in peace, his reaction to disagreement and challenges picture and take off the rose coloured specs. Sometimes, it’s still worth while but we are very good at kidding ourselves into bad situations because we see what we want to see. I’m not seeing much good in this guy.

I don’t think a lift or a coffee matter. It’s good for the child if they get along. It’s not a lot of time and why shouldn’t they talk? It’s better for the child if they get along. It’s not a weird relationship. It’s a normal coparenting relationship everyone should strive for. He shouldn’t show you her nasty texts. Ask him not to. And you should try to be less sensitive. There is no need for you to amplify the negativity.

This is totally nuts. A coffee now and then and a lift equals in love? Crazy

Very very unreasonable. Controlling and paranoid. It would make me want to leave.