DP weird relationship with ex

I agree with the concept on occasional contact being 1 to 1 because your dd, get him full time. It's basically bringing her home to spend more time with family where it's absolutely unavoidable for other interactions to take place between him and yourself or the baby taking attention away from her limited time. Plus with your daughter being 3 months old they can't exactly play/get to know one another. I told my sons father our son deserved boy time arcades/bowling not and that's what happened!

You're not invited because you don't get on.
You shouldn't interfere at all. Just don't ask about his ex and ask him not to tell you.
He is calling her when you're not there because you're suspicious.

People saying an ex can't do a favour? IMO if there's children involved that's a very immature stance.

I feed my ex's cat when he takes the kids away... because he doesn't know anyone else round here and I don't want my kids' cat to die... it's not because I'm trying to be his friend or like going to his house.

Right my neighbour would give me a lift I should be able to ask for one off someone I created a life with!

Op my sons fathers ex though he hated me, and that nothing was going on to even said he wouldn't want a fishcake when he had steak at home lol. Just be vigilant that's all you can do!

Because he'd like an easy life op?

But if you don't feel like he's cheating op then see him as being a decent man trying to please everybody. If he's not cheating then why chastise the man? The only thing you'll achieve is coming off as a nag? She'll love that! You need to see the divide he's ➗️ he's got he's past responsibilities to take care of and he's doing it in a friendly civilised manner.

Often when people say this on here I think steady on, this is fixable, but you are being treated so poorly and the situation is so very unhealthy that I am going to say it: LTB!

If you leave him you don't have to deal with the secrecy and disrespect and being way down his list of priorities and people to keep happy. It just doesn't matter anymore then. And, hey, who knows? Maybe once your his ex too you will be on a pedestal for favourable treatment like his other ex is!

But In not just saying this for you, I'm saying this for the health of the family and your daughter. She is learning to be treated really poorly by men in a relationship when she sees how her dad treats you. Plus in the current situation she has no relationship with her sister. If you leave him, he will likely have both girls at the same time on several occasions so she will develop a relationship with her.

Hold your head high and walk away. You deserve so much more than this man putting you to the bottom of his list of priorities and humiliating you.

*you're (apologies for typos, multi tasking as always!)

@kiana2015 your updates get worse! I’m on the step parenting board because I needed a place to vent because it’s hard. SM gets fucking dragged over the coals when they say oh it’s my birthday and I couldn’t celebrate it because my partners kid wasn’t there I had to wait. Everyone saying well yes because that’s his family you can’t exclude the first child. Yes your life should wait because of the first child. Here we have a man excluding his second child from interacting with the first and apparently he is decent and civilised?! He is anything but decent and civilised!!! Please do not listen to people telling you this is ok, it is not. He is not treating you or his second child well. I think you should leave but be prepared he won’t treat his second child as well as his first, because he is not decent. Be prepared because this will hurt. He isn’t treating her right now where you’re together that won’t change if you’re apart.

It's a 3 month old baby they sleep all day what kind of interaction would you be expecting?

Cuddles, helping with feeding, just watching the bub. Most young kids love a baby. Just general bonding. I honestly am shocked and have seen some of your points re nice after separation but that you condone her husband making NO efforts to blend his family before the birth and none after. He has no intention of ever blending his family and you’re saying he is decent and civilised. If you really believe that surely you must see that in the best interests of his first born and so she doesn’t feel rejected and pushed out he should of ensured his daughter was around before the new baby and after the baby was born. His behaviour is disgusting.

And I'm shocked that she's receiving the advise to leave him over trivial shit with 3 month old

Shocked that she would be advised to leave someone who doesn’t respect her? Prioritises his ex over her? Makes financial decisions that affect them both without consulting her then asking her to stump up because he spent too much on coffe dates, days out and general over expenditure on the ex and first born? Makes no attempt to tell his ex, I’ve moved on, I’m married, I have a baby and I want my daughter to be a part of that so she will be spending time with my wife, get used to it. Yea so trivial. Some have standards and a desire to be respected and when that isn’t met we aren’t happy. Clearly that’s not something that you could understand if you’d so happily tolerate this and say it’s trivial.

Not something I'd tolerate at all I'd never get involved with a nan who has kids they have baggage and co-parents! I learned that moons ago and the signs will of been there before op got pregnant! They was there actually 18 months before any sniff at meeting he's daughter.

So if you wouldn’t tolerate it, presumably because you can see it is wrong why are you shocked she’s being told to walk away and also saying it’s trivial stuff and he is decent?! You contradict yourself. Given the wisdom you have found god only knows why you’d encourage another woman to waste years of her life with this man.

I agree re all the signs as does OP and I wouldn’t have gotten this involved with those signs but she has and is where she is now. Surely the best for her and her young baby is to let her very selfish husband go and make herself and her daughter a priority because he sure as shit isn’t going to.

come on, let’s stop telling women to settle for less

I’ve got 3 kids with my ex and we’ve been separated for 15 years, nothing has ever once happened. We DO have coffees, give each other a lift now and again and he always comes in for a cuppa with me and my husband if he’s here when picking up or dropping off the kids. It’s never, ever been weird. Some people can actually be adult about these things.

Because she had open eyes to this situation and pro created regardless! also she is saying she's no suspicion of him cheating! So if she's otherwise happy the solution is to work on a solution! Before throwing in the towel and being a single mother 3 months in I'm a single mom and managed very well but it's not ideal! Is he contributing to household chores, finances, bottle feeds? Has he been supportive as a new mom? Is he fun? Does she feel like he's her soul mate? If so solution/work/compromise if he's all around tosh consider fucking him off.

Well hindsight is a wonderful thing.. she’s not otherwise happy tho, she’s voiced she’s not happy about the meet ups, the lies, the not feeling included and nothing had changed. I don’t know about chores and baby responsibilities but she is financially bringing the child up alone as she stated because he asks her for money when he has overspent on his first wife and child. I think just on what’s come out in this thread alone there is enough reason to say this isn’t for me. We’re all different and for me the bad here wouldn’t outweigh that he does the housework or changed the baby. That’s standard shit he should be doing

Either way one of he's children was going to benefit more the 3 month old gets time the other child gets more finances! Having a child is baggage 🧳 she's now got baggages he's got extra baggage... and 6 months done the line all for nothing and the circle will start again! Because we always wanna say hindsight is a wonderful thing! If I'd not been offered to get he's child's seal of approval 18 months in alarm bells would of been ringing like crazy!

All seems abit strange. I'm unable to offer any advice. Sorry