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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think teacher was rude or aibu

144 replies

Pink115 · 22/07/2024 09:01

My DD (4) has beautifully curly hair. I put into a bobble most days at school. She has a different teacher every Friday to her usually teacher. At pick up time she had some dry grass or something in her hair as had been playing. The teacher went to get it out for her and I said thanks , she always gets little bits in it whilst playing outside and the teacher said ‘oh yeah, like a birds nest’ etc to think that is rude to say about her hair

OP posts:
sentfrmmyiphone · 22/07/2024 11:24

Scully01 · 22/07/2024 11:23

People can be thoughtless about afro hair, so I totally get this. Afro hair does tend to get stuff stuck in It because of the tight texture but she didn't need to say that. It is a micro aggression. I hope she thought twice as soon as she said it. I was told often my hair was like a bush and it does affect your confidence. There are a lot of kids books now about loving your curls which is so different to when I was little.

oh good lord

EmpressOfTheThread · 22/07/2024 11:24

I once saw a list of parental complaints to teachers, very amusing! One parent said that they didn't like the teacher's accent, one that her hair had been dyed and confused a child, and one that she'd looked one child more than another! Perhaps add this to the list 😉

Hankunamatata · 22/07/2024 11:28

Pink115 · 22/07/2024 10:58

ok Thanks for the comments. My DD has Afro type hair so that’s why it has got to me but thanks for the opinions, I will take it onto board.

Drip Drip

EmpressOfTheThread · 22/07/2024 11:30

Hankunamatata · 22/07/2024 11:28

Drip Drip

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Now we feel so bad because clearly the teacher is racist.

AppleKatie · 22/07/2024 11:35

The fact that it wasn’t obvious to posters before you posted what hair type your daughter has hopefully offers some reassurance.

i understand why you might be on the alert more and I’m sorry you feel like that. But I think in this instance it really wasn’t anything other than innocuous.

TriesNotToBeCynical · 22/07/2024 11:42

betterangels · 22/07/2024 11:02

Quite. There was nothing remotely racist about that comment.

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I think I agree. But there is enough casual racism around that some of us are sensitive to it.

willWillSmithsmith · 22/07/2024 11:48

Who’d be a teacher nowadays. I think I’d just smile at parents and say nothing (and hope my smile wasn’t offensive). It’s a minefield.

Rainydayinlondon · 22/07/2024 12:01

But it was the OP who made the allusion to her daughter’s hair having lots of twigs in it… therefore the teacher made the natural follow on comment.
It’s called communication
It wasn’t as if she randomly compared the girl’s hair to a nest…

Sunnyandsilly · 22/07/2024 12:37

Pink115 · 22/07/2024 10:58

ok Thanks for the comments. My DD has Afro type hair so that’s why it has got to me but thanks for the opinions, I will take it onto board.

Ok so are you now trying to indicate she’s racist? Or do the fact the answers were made without knowing the type of hair give you reassurance ? I’m just trying to work out why you drip fed this in.

AppleKatie · 22/07/2024 12:43

willWillSmithsmith · 22/07/2024 11:48

Who’d be a teacher nowadays. I think I’d just smile at parents and say nothing (and hope my smile wasn’t offensive). It’s a minefield.

Edited

In my experience this doesn’t work as a strategy 🤣. You absolutely cannot win.

DoreenonTill8 · 22/07/2024 13:03

AppleKatie · 22/07/2024 12:43

In my experience this doesn’t work as a strategy 🤣. You absolutely cannot win.

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Yep! Who can I report the teacher antagonising me with a vindictive smile?

EmpressOfTheThread · 22/07/2024 13:05

@DoreenonTill8 contact the Teaching Standards, the DfE, Ofsted, the Daily Mail and This Morning. A pillory is too good for her.

VickyEadieofThigh · 22/07/2024 13:10

AppleKatie · 22/07/2024 12:43

In my experience this doesn’t work as a strategy 🤣. You absolutely cannot win.

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"Was this teacher being rude? I made a friendly comment to her about my daughter's hair and she didn't even answer..."

willWillSmithsmith · 22/07/2024 13:11

Sunnyandsilly · 22/07/2024 12:37

Ok so are you now trying to indicate she’s racist? Or do the fact the answers were made without knowing the type of hair give you reassurance ? I’m just trying to work out why you drip fed this in.

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Also, and I’m not being ‘funny’, I genuinely don’t know, but is there a difference between Afro hair and Afro type hair?

Original poster
Pink115 · 22/07/2024 14:50

Sunnyandsilly · 22/07/2024 12:37

Ok so are you now trying to indicate she’s racist? Or do the fact the answers were made without knowing the type of hair give you reassurance ? I’m just trying to work out why you drip fed this in.

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I put this in as a couple of posters asked me if my DD was from ethnic minority

OP posts:
TriesNotToBeCynical · 22/07/2024 14:55

willWillSmithsmith · 22/07/2024 13:11

Also, and I’m not being ‘funny’, I genuinely don’t know, but is there a difference between Afro hair and Afro type hair?

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Afro is a hair style, which really only works with the right type of hair.

wibblywobblywoo · 22/07/2024 15:18

Pink115 · 22/07/2024 14:50

I put this in as a couple of posters asked me if my DD was from ethnic minority

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But, as has already been said, unless you know of actual bird's nests that are curly how can you think the teacher was referring to anything other than the plant materials in your DD's hair, just as you yourself had?

Demonhunter · 22/07/2024 15:42

dollyboots · 22/07/2024 10:10

I have very curly hair. When I was teaching in Japan, one of the kids who usually wouldn’t speak English said, ‘Dolly Sensei - you have bird home on head.’ I was delighted and taught him the word ‘nest’.

I also literally got my curls caught in a low-hanging tree once and had to be rescued. It doesn’t get much more nest-like than that.

Please let her grow a thick skin along with her curls.

This is adorable 🥰

MetalFences · 22/07/2024 16:12

I put this in as a couple of posters asked me if my DD was from ethnic minority

And she had twigs in her hair. That's what made it look like a birds nest. Birds don't make nests on the head of black children.

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