To think the hilarity just wasn’t necessary?

I fear for the future people shaped by me 🤣

🤣

I think it's fine to pop out when the conversation takes a turn that doesn't interest you, and if men can think about the Romans several times a day, I don't see why you can't muse on the Anglo Saxons.

I think where you set yourself up was in the way you explained it to your daughter - it did sound a bit funny, and most families laugh at each other. I would get laughed at for that and I would not care because I know all the equally odd things they have done in their time that I still find hilarious.

It's my job to do this and find it out. Not as far back as the medieval period usually, but regularly back into the 17th century. I do think it's fascinating to discover the stories of ancestors and what ordinary people were doing at the time.

I also work with many other people of a similar interest, both professionals and interested amateurs, and clients who have paid me to research their family. I know I can post things in a group WhatsApp about a cool record from Ellis Island or some old archive records and they will be interested. I know that not everyone is similarly interested and there are a lot of people out there who just aren't bothered about what their g g granny was doing on the 1901 census. And that's fine, it'd be really boring if we were all interested in similar things.

I have also never found it necessary to withdraw from a group conversation to "reflect".

This thread is giving me flashbacks to secondary school. Not in a good way. Conform, OP! Conform!

Some people here don’t understand and some do. I can envisage my son (nearly 18) doing similar to you. He is an intense, reflective person. I think he would probably choose to share only with people he trusts. Your family sounds rather mean. They have poor judgement on the difference between laughing with some one and laughing at them. I’d encourage you to dwell on their mistakes a little more instead of questioning yourself. As a PP said, keep being you.

Does the open university still exist? isn't that much cheaper?

It's unusual (what you did) but nothing wrong with it, if that's something you do.

I think - and I know it's going to sound patronising but I don't mean to - it's actually really quite lovely. I love history a lot too and think and reflect in things I've read or watched or heard.

I think the problem is that you left a conversation to do that, and that does come across a little rude perhaps? As others have said, I suspect there is some ND at play?

Could you in future make a few notes on your phone to look back on when you're on your own?

I think gentle ribbing is ok in some families - it would be in my family because we literally rip the piss out of each other as a sign of affections however, if you were visibly upset about it, that was bang out of order.

I hope you're ok.

Does the open university still exist?
Yes
Isn't that much cheaper?
No

There's a lot of autistic traits going on here; a deep, intense interest in a niche subject, that long exceeds other people's ability to maintain conversation on the theme, a need for quiet space to process and ruminate about the experience, an inability to read other peoples' experience of the situation and taking it all more seriously than others.

DS has a deep and lasting interest in weaponry and ammunition of WW2 that has lasted years and there has to be a balance of some space to express himself, but also it's not fair on others for him to regularly steer the conversation to it or to talk about it for his full attention span (which can be a verrry long time).

We all have quirks and eccentricities in our family. Some at a ND diagnosable level, some not. We laugh at each other and ourselves. Humour lightens life up. It makes it easier to manage.

I like a "buffer" at transition points. It drives the DCs round the bend that when I've finished driving, if there's no urgency, I like to sit in the car, finish a song, check my phone. This is a habit that pre-dates smart phones and I did 20+ years ago from the start of driving so it's a me thing, not a phone thing. It's not a dissimilar need for DS to have to return to the hotel room on holiday for a couple of hours between activities. But I'm aware of it and can be irreverent about it. Sometimes finding the humour stops us exploding with frustration at ourselves or others- it's not automatically mean or bullying.

At the least it's worth recognising when your behaviour differs from the norm and why that is. It doesn't mean its wrong and if it's something that can be interpreted as rudeness, if you can explain your needs, that helps people understand your intentions. (e.g. there's a difference in understanding that DS is leaving the table because he's reached his social limit and him leaving the table because he's impatient to continue a game)

Sorry but it does come across as very odd and pompous to disappear half way through a conversation to reflect on it... Unless you were perhaps really upset by something.

Haha this made me laugh!

I think my family would raise a few eyebrows and roll eyes if a member of the family went off to reflect. Maybe you're just too progressive for them OP!

I love stuff like that - things that really pique my interest. I would then reflect, daydream and research and really get into it later, so I understand that part.

Taking yourself off immediately to do so, when the conversation drifted to less interesting topics, is a bit rude though. I may want to do the same but I would squash that impulse, and make myself wait. I would probably have a chuckle at an adult doing that too, assuming they are capable of waiting...you're taking yourself a bit too seriously.

It's the sort of comment one may make after watching something like "zone of interest"

I watched that alone so was okay to just walk home for sone quiet time. Not sure if I was with a friend how we'd transition from that film to chatting about love island.

But even at university doing a masters, no one ever reflected! We may say "hang on give me 1 min to jot down these thoughts" but no one "reflected"

It just sounds very funny /pretentious.

As we say in our neurodiverse house, when one of us does something that might be perceived by others as a little bit odd, "that would be the autism".
You do you, but for others it's slightly unusual behaviour. I'm sure they didn't intend to be mean and were just having a joke.

I'm not sure why talking about current politics is deemed as anti-intellectual but talking about history isn't? What's happened this week in American politics is fascinating and all the people I know are talking about it!

I find that sad. Your penultimate paragraph perfectly describes all that is wrong with education these days: let me turn that into something I can “use” if and when I need it. Job done.

Another ND trait is expressing yourself in a more formal way than usual. This can sound "funny" to people who haven't twigged the pattern and wonder why something sounds "odd".
It's often more apparent in children who sound like adults.

Going for some space to reflect sounds a lot more formal than "needing a break" or "having a quiet moment" and more like part of a professional development day, than part of an interesting casual conversation with family. That's why it sounds funny to many people even if they haven't quite worked out why it's "odd"

OP, it’s probably already been said but I don’t have time to read through 13 pages of comments from neurotypicals. Do you think you could be on the spectrum? The part that struck me was you said you knew the conversation was drifting and you wanted to take some time to continue thinking about a topic you state is one of your favourites.

It sounds exactly like masking. You’ve learnt, subconsciously or otherwise, that others don’t want to hear you info dump about your special interests, so you take yourself somewhere quiet to continue thinking about them alone. Women and girls experience autism very differently to men and boys and often mask quite heavily to fit in.

All this ND stuff may be true but it doesn't mean your family need to laugh hysterically at you about it. Nor does it mean you should stop doing it. I do think part of the reason more and more people are being diagnosed / considering themselves ND is because society is becoming more and more conformist.

Sorry but neurodiverse behaviour isn’t unusual 😡 and social norms are a load of bollocks sometimes. Here’s to the people that question that crap 👍🏻

If I said that I would fully expect the piss to be absolutely ripped out of me. My sister still mocks my accidental mispronunciation of a word from over 20 years ago! And yes, I would be embarrassed. The laughing and the embarrassment are the normal parts of this - wanting to spend some time alone to reflect was the weird bit.

@Vamozz there's shameful parts of every country's history. It's ignorant to say otherwise. And I'm not sure what 'sanitised' bits you're referring to, if you didn't study British history here or anywhere else?

You've taken my post as an insult when it's really not. ND behaviour is by definition unusual because the vast majority of people are NT and social norms might be a load of crap but that doesn't mean most people don't adhere to them. It's not a bad thing to be ND or to have unusual behaviours that don't adhere to social norms and nobody should laugh at people for that!

most people don’t do that but I wouldn’t find it weird, I’d be delighted you were enjoying the conversation that much. Maybe they were laughing in a happy way rather than a taking the piss way?