dd accidentally accused girls of serious things they never did

The sad thing is it needn’t have ever got this far. Her “bestie’s” initial “information sharing” was a huge red flag. There’s lessons here for both of you.

But what would the teacher do about it? Imagine going to your teacher as a 15 year old and saying my friend told me these girls are going to trick me into xyz. The whole language is quite young, I'd expect this maybe in year 3 or 4, not year 10 or 11. If your dd had told you instead of the teacher (did she tell you about this before speaking with teacher?) you could have advised her to stay away from the group and be vigilant and cautious, not send messages with them, not ever meet-up or be alone with them. You could have also explained that her 'bestie' seems to be saying a lot of gossipy things, creating dramas and to beware of people who cause issues like that. You could explained that besties are not always the best ideas and she should preferably have several good friends, it would have been an opportunity to talk about what she expects in a friendships and that there are gossipy scheming girls to stay well clear of. You could have encouraged her to ask her friend more questions, e.g. how did she know, what was this sex game. You could have asked dd if her and her friends talk about sex and in which way an how she feels about that. Just done a lot more asking and fact finding but not running to your teacher 🙄.

Going to your teacher with allegation on hearsay and gossip is quite something. It's as if your dd already saw herself as a victim. This would alarm me and I'd try to boost her social confidence and skills.

dd accidentally accused girls of serious things they never did

does suggest that she has no agency, it wasn't accidentally she made choice, the choice was very bad. But mostly it was naive. I hope your dd gets the support she needs to wisen up. 'Besties' like you describe are absolute scum though. We all need to teach our dc to be very wise to nasty bullies like bestie.

Can you just move schools?

But is it worth how exhausting analysing the minutiae of this? A fresh start sounds healthier for everyone

Thank you! The only thing was the bestie was very specific in how she knew (she overheard) and did tell dd a specific sex game and even their specific plan.

What was the sex game? I have no notion what this could be?
Such talk from bestie is a massive 🚩she must have some issues. Have you spoken to bestie's parents about what she did? It's pretty serious. Has the school dealt with bestie? In fact have you spoken to the School and reported that besties misled and made false accusations?

I'm nd myself so I understand, but the level of detail and stress you're going into on here makes it sound more stressful staying than a stressful move to a blank slate... But you've stopped saying bestie so I'll be grateful for that alone 😉😁😁😁

Did your dd tell you about everything before she spoke to her teacher?

A game where dd cannot say no.

Your dd never needed to tell the teacher. All she needed to know was that a. she should never play a game where she can't say 'no' and b. that no always means no regardless what game is being played.

Discuss the concept of consent and role play scenarios where your dd has to say no and walk away even if this means she'll be kicked out of a social group. Saying no is one of the most important things we can teach girls. Your OP is focused on these girls but even if they had suggested and initiated such a game it is up to your dd to know how to say no and say away from such people. I'd be quite worried about this weird bestie she sounds very manipulative.

Would your dd have played this game? Or would she have felt able to walk away?

Can you elaborate? No is always an option, unless someone is being forced or coerced into something. In which case, “game” does not apply here.

Probably best if she does nothing. Lie low for a bit. Quietly and subtly look for better friends. For now, talk to her about the lessons learnt from all of this.

At the end of the day, she snitched and really should't have.

What a load of nonsense! 'Snitched' Grow up!

Telling a teacher because you fear for your safety is exactly what we should be telling our children to do.

Saying this with kindness, OP... You really need to model for your DD how to take your focus away from this situation for the time being. So choose an activity, craft or whatever to focus on this weekend. No more discussion or ruminating on this friendship issue.

There is no immediate answer anyone can give you, and you've had a lot of advice.

If you can't put this in perspective and focus on something else, then it's going to be very hard for your DD to.

Nor me. I’m not nit-picking here for the sake of it, OP, but I think you should drop the cringe terminology and encourage multiple friendships because it sounds as if your daughter’s BF got away with longterm bad behaviour because she had ‘special status’ as ‘best friend’. I would drop that expression, and try to model healthy friendships and ways of negotiating conflict.

And yes, also good point about modelling focusing elsewhere and not obsessing.

100% this. You and your DD will need to accept that this situation may not be fixable, the others girls quite rightly probably will keep your DD at arms length (it’s what I’d be encouraging my child to do, apology or not). And she’s not going to know what to expect til she’s back at school so pondering all the possibilities is an utter waste of energy until she’s back in that environment.

Spend your time and energy helping her focus on other things, that’s the most supportive thing you can do.

I'd share her concerns re seat allocation with the school so they know before term starts.
Clearly the friend has problems. DD could threaten her with going to the police, or with making her own fake screenshots. (Threaten - don't actually make the screenshots!)

@LostTheMarble 🙄

Well I hope the many helpful and thoughtful posts will help someone else in that case.

I did think there were some inconsistencies.

Pointless.