dd accidentally accused girls of serious things they never did

What difference does it make though?

She was still willing to believe another girl over them, to the point where she went to the teacher and got them in trouble, without insisting on seeing proof first.

On the positive side - they have not cut her off totally. So there is a chance to come back from this - but your DD needs to understand it would take time to rebuilt trust and if she pushes too hard she will break the friendship forever.

She should continue to be nice and positive. Never say anything negative or moan about this. Show an interest in them, but at a safely superficial level - asking about holidays is fine, asking about boys/other friendships is not.

she must maintain this for months - this is not a quick fix. Steadily she can mention that she’s ’doing X’ at the weekend and would one of them like to come too? If they say no, cheerily say ah well and move on happily. Eventually someone will join in.

and throughout she must (1) avoid ex bestie - who is clearly toxic and dangerous (2) make different friends so she has balance, a wider circle, and doesn’t come across desperate.

I hope so as the thought of an adult saying the word cringe rather than cringeworthy is making me feel billious.

Lost me at 'Bad Bestie'.

Buy your daughter a copy of Queen Bees and Wannabees by Rosalind Wiseman. Make her read it. You should read it too.

Your daughter needs to go to the teacher. You should go with her. Request a meeting.

The shit stirring of the 'bestie' needs to be explained to the teacher and an apology made to her.

Maybe a restitution meeting between DD and the group who were in trouble over this could be moderated by the teacher?

Is your daughter a little needy?
A little immature for her age?

I think it's best left now.

She's written them a letter, anything else could be seen as overkill.

She can't force them to be her friends.

And if it wasn't for her willingness to go to the teacher without any proof at all.

She has to accept her part in this, otherwise how will she ever learn from it?

Your daughter cocked up. She went along with the games played by her ex friend and hurt her new friends in the process.

They do not have to be friends with her and there’s no advice anyone can give to help that happen. If one of the new friends was my child, I would tell them to keep away from your daughter so them being civil is more than most would do. Kudos to those girls for being mature.

Ultimately your daughter needs to find new friends.

The bestie is no friend but you can't blame the other girls for not wanting anything to do with your DD. I'd be advising my own DDs not to be friends with her. She's thrown horrible accusations at them (no matter how she learned them). Of course they don't trust her and that's quite reasonable. Huge learning curve for your DD.

Regardless, your DD has accused them of something horrible and it's sensible and logical for the other girls to want to stay away. The lesson here is to make sure of your facts and have evidence before making accusations.

She didn't accidentally accuse those other girls!

She chose to believe the words of one girl (bestie is the most stupid thing I've heard in awhile) without any proof or evidence or seeing or hearing things for herself.

She allowed herself to be influenced by someone pressing her buttons instead of thinking doe herself.

She's learnt a valuable life lesson sadly that some girls are nasty and play sill games out of jealousy and a desire to manipulate others.

Help her understand the insignificance of these people to her overall life - that it may feel the be all and end all but she will look back and wonder why she cared so much. And then use that understanding going forward to avoid getting caught up in shitty dramas

Maybe she'll have to settle for a polite but non-friendship relationship with all those girls? You can get on without having to be friends or enemies. There's middle ground.

If my children were falsely accused of those crimes I’d be doing everything in my power to get the accusers expelled or moved to another school. But failing that, as a minimum, I’d expect distance. Your DD needs to take this as a lesson in not to believe others blindly and move on. She must accept that she can’t be their friend any more.

And maybe have a discussion about how serious allegations can be. Right now it might be school squabbles. In a few years, it can be legal issues for herself and the falsely accused.

And doesn't want to make herself uncomfortable too. She can not make them uncomfortable by having a polite relationship with them. A bit like a casual work colleague you have to smile at and acknowledge but not have a relationship or expectations with.

I'm not insider enough to be able to suggest what course of action your DD should take about this. She is going to have to own the consequences and understand healing takes time, sometimes a lot of time, and sometimes can't happen, no matter what she decides.

I remember at the age of 14 almost my whole friend group of 6 other girls turning on me during the summer holidays after one of the girls manipulated others and twisted some things I’d said to make it look like I was talking about them all behind their backs.

For those 6 weeks I was lonely, miserable and stayed in the house, whilst they ordered taxis and prank silent called. In the end, my Mum contacted the operator, got the number which was one of the girl’s landlines and then called each of their parents to tell them what they were up to. To be fair it stopped, but I remember feeling so scared about going back in September as I didn’t know who I would hang around with.

Out of the 6, when the calls and nastiness started, one of them immediately refused to be involved, reached out to me to make it clear she thought it was appalling and didn’t believe their lies and we ultimately remained good friends through the rest of high school and sixth form. She almost immediately stopped hanging out with the others.

One other eventually realised by the very end of the 6 week holidays that what they had told her and she’d chosen to believe was total rubbish (just one of the lies they peddled was that I’d mocked the fact that she was a diabetic). To give her credit, she rode round on her bike and apologised to me on my doorstep and asked if we could still be friends. Whilst I respected that she’d had the decency to admit fault, say sorry and to ask for forgiveness, I decided I couldn’t. I wouldn’t have been able to trust her fully again and I was honestly just so hurt that firstly she would even believe that I would have said such horrendous things about a friend and then finally that she would join in with all the bullying, including (as I subsequently found out) a plan to lure me out one night and then jump me.

None of the others ever apologised for what they did, including the girl who was meant to be my best friend. Two of them, including the main instigator, I never spoke to again. The other two were in a number of my classes, so I adopted a polite, yet cold and distant approach with them.

At 14 everything feels bigger and your friendships are the most important thing in your life. Your DD needs to approach these girls and make a genuine, heartfelt face to face apology. I think it is likely the only way forward here in the hopes repairing the friendships. But she will also have to accept that they may not choose to forgive her and she may need to start building other relationships with others.

She also needs to ditch that Bestie, who is nothing of the sort!

Do they keep the same seats every year? Even when they are 16? Don't they pick different subjects by that age. It sounds like young children, the way they are treated. She should definitely move seats and say, sorry, I have to move away from the old best friend. She should just be open and honest really as they are reaching the end of their school years now.