dd accidentally accused girls of serious things they never did

I don’t ever want to hear or read the word ‘bestie’ again 😁

Are the classes very small? I'm a bit confused about why she can only sit near her ex best friend or the other girls. There must be other students she can sit by.
I don't think your DD can count on these girls being her friend again. I would tell my DD not to get involved with her.
I feel sorry for your daughter but she's going to have to find different friends.

Oh God, I was going to say the same. I've developed a twitch when I see it now

You can’t make anyone be your friend. Even if you haven’t accused someone of planning a sex crime against you they don’t have to be your friend. This is one of life’s lessons that we all need to learn. Same for romantic partners. Even being super nice and trying to be the best friend/ partner you can be isn’t going to make that person be your friend or a good friend/ partner to you.

Is there anything with St John ambulance in your area (I see they operate in Australia and South Africa - just two I googled to check randomly as I don’t know where you are)? My relative who’s ND did stuff with them as a teenager and I think enjoyed it.

Indeed. And when parents get involved it usually makes even more work for teachers.

I think also OP it is important to be clear that contrary to your title she didn’t “accidentally” accuse the girls. She was peer pressured and lied to, which I understand that if she is autistic for example it might be harder for her as she may find it tricky to tell when people are lying, but she made the choice to report them based on hearsay. Probably she did this because she was scared? However it wasn’t an accident, it was a decision. Her ex bestie sounds like a piece of work however she will need to find an appropriate way to deal with arseholes (don’t we all), for example if something similar happened again she could speak to a trusted parent or teacher reporting what she knows rather than what she’s been told. In this case it would be “Best friend has been telling me these girls plan to trick me.” It’s then the job of the parents/teacher to help her think out whether this is the case And try to resolve the whole thing without letting it get out of control.

Don't get me wrong I am not involved with the at the school or in the situation I am just looking for better advice to offer to my dd!

I think if she sits next to one of the girls that's fine.

Plenty of people manage to get along with/be polite to/work with others that they aren't friends with nor want to be.

It's certainly part of 2ndry school.

Was she asking you for advice about the situation at the time?

We would understand what a best friend is, it's not some secret code 😁

It's stopping me being able to post sensible advice reading 'bestie' 5 times within a 6 line post. Obviously you can write whatever you choose.... But I'm glad I'm not the only one driven insane by it haha

I think you're making a much bigger thing of this than it needs to be. She could go in, stand by a seat and ask if they mind if she sits there, casually. It really doesn't matter where she sits (other than her own discomfort with either position) because sitting near someone doesn't mean having to interact more than necessary to be polite.

Sorry, did I miss that your dd is ND? That's a whole different story as this would make her vulnerable.

"Best friend has been telling me these girls plan to trick me" was exactly what she said to the teacher. The teacher couldn't find out the truth so she just had a word with the girls.

This is quite a naive thing to say to a teacher in secondary I think not even in year 5 or 6 would this go down well. If your dd is ND, can you do social stories to help her deal with the complexities of relationships?

At the end of the day, she snitched and really should't have. There are much more clever way to deal with this. As a rule of thumb if a 'friend' tells you that other are saying horrible things about you, it's is probably NOT a friend.

Ditch the concept of bestie, too much expectation attached to this. Friendships should be about, fun and mutual support and respect. If you feel shit around your friends, they're no friends.

This is great

Sitting next to them is not initiating interaction or putting pressure on them to speak with her. I'm sure there are many situations where you sit next to someone and don't interact with them? This is an option the girls have too. There is no need for anything other than a smile or polite hello.

I think she should just walk in, sit down and if they make eye contact / look over just smile and say hi, then just start getting her text books, pencil case etc out of her bag and get ready for the lesson. Don’t make it a big deal. Don’t put any pressure on it. Just keep it lowkey and casual. It’s then up to them how they respond - whether they ignore her, just say hi back or start chatting away to her as if nothing has happened etc, but at least this way the ice is broken and she’s demonstrated she is willing and able to be polite and friendly.