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AIBU?

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People commenting on my 6 YO DD weight?

341 replies

mumspiration1997 · 29/05/2024 20:09

I've had 3 different family members commenting on my daughters weight this week. "She's really filled out" "you should watch what she's eating" etc etc . Possibly from a place of concern as they wouldn't be people to be obviously nasty. For context she's 4 stone and average height. Is this a problem? She's a great appetite and an active girl who definitely loves a wee treat but big deal. I'm 9 stone and very active myself so it's not like I'm purposely just laying around setting bad examples. Perhaps maybe I should be making her eat healthier but I mean she eats fruit and ham sandwiches and chicken nuggets and mash and veg and the takeout with the whole family om a sat McDonald's etc. Big deal??!!! She's 6 I was just grateful she has a good appetite. Aibu???? Or r they???

OP posts:
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shearwater2 · 30/05/2024 16:38

rainbowunicorn · 30/05/2024 16:35

You know that even after you edit we can still see the original post? Dont know where you are getting your calculations but a 5 year old at 116 cm weighing 3 stone 11 lbs is most certainly overweight at the 90th centile on the NHS
Nowhere near 17th

That's why I edited and deleted my comment, because I'd put in the wrong figure into the calculator. Unfortunately MN does not allow you to delete a post.

But you chose to try and score a point anyway, even though I'd retracted my incorrect comment. 👏

Well done you. What a fun life you must have.

Namechange43654 · 30/05/2024 16:39

Namechange43654 · 30/05/2024 16:28

So, using your logic, the 'healthy' bmi scale for adults is between 18 and 25. Under 18 is underweight and over 25 overweight (same as second percentile and 90th for children).

Admittedly the adult range is not percentiles, but the median of that is 21.5. So all adults with a BMI above 21.5 are on the wrong side? Hope you don't have one greater than that!

Edited

Also, I would argue that an active child with an excellent, varied diet on the 64th percentile is far far healthier than a child on the 10th* who doesn't exercise and has a very limited palate.

*Am obviously in no way suggesting that every child on the 10th percentile is that way because they don't eat 😆

Isitautumnyet23 · 30/05/2024 16:48

OP, she does look a little bit overweight in the pic (being honest) and it sounds like you are taking all the comments onboard. Just one other thing, does she drink plenty? Kids always presume they’re hungry when actually they could just be thirsty. Make sure she drinks lots of water/no sugar squash (if she wont drink water) throughout the day.

I do think the snacking culture has to change in this country - we have become a culture that can’t do anything or go anywhere without ‘grazing’. People need a snack for the train, the car journey, waiting in a queue, sitting at their desk! I love the feeling of actually being hungry for my meals so tend to not snack. We always grew up on breakfast, lunch and dinner, never missed any of those meals and the occasional biscuit as a snack (no problem at all as we burnt off the energy). It sounds like if you cut down a few of the extra snacks and make sure she does plenty of activity, there wont be any problem at all.

MaryMaryVeryContrary · 30/05/2024 16:50

I do think she looks overweight OP. It’s a tell tale sign when the thighs meet until the knee then the legs splay outwards from there (like hers are doing). And also the stomach being visible through the clothes. Good luck with the health kick - looks like you can reverse this pretty quickly.

Goldengirl123 · 30/05/2024 16:52

That’s an awful lot of food. Breakfast cereals are full of sugar. Well done on recognising this and trying to change it

CerealPonderer · 30/05/2024 16:59

A child sat on the 67th centile is on the wrong side of 50. You don’t want to be on the heavier side

You're proving pretty spectacularly that you don't understand how centiles work @Otherstories2002.

The phrase 'wrong side of 50' is nonsensical. Children are not one homogeneous group and not every child can or should be under the 50th centile. Even within the exact same height, there will be a range of healthy weights to account for the individual. Build, muscle mass, whether they've just had a growth spurt. For girls after puberty there needs to be a wide margin of normal weights just to account for differences in breast size, hip size etc.

Do you realise that if every child on the 'wrong side of 50' lost weight to get them down to just below what 50 is now...then your hypothetical average child on the 50th centile for weight would suddenly be on the 100th centile?

PollyPut · 30/05/2024 17:02

@mumspiration1997 the depending on whether she is closer to 6 or 7, she is somewhere around 75th centile on weight for her age according to the RCPCH charts: https://www.rcpch.ac.uk/sites/default/files/Girls_2-18_years_growth_chart.pdf

She's not officially overweight but the bar for overweight does seem to be quite high

I'd cut out the McDonalds. For the whole family - it's not a great example for the children.

In the photo I notice she is holding what looks like a sugary drink. Makes me think there are many more of those. They are not going to help her.

Cut them out and replace with water. At meals water, milk or fresh juice. The dentist may well have warned her so build on that immediately. Presumably at school she has water so this shouldn't be too hard. Make sure your relatives understand why that is happening to and support the action as they presumably offer her drinks when you see them - "for her teeth"

https://www.rcpch.ac.uk/sites/default/files/Girls_2-18_years_growth_chart.pdf

Ilovecakey · 30/05/2024 17:09

Pickledpopcorn · 29/05/2024 22:13

I’ve had to decline the weight checks for all my daughters (I have 3) because up until age 5 they are all classed as obese. They suddenly then have a massive growth spurt and are tall and slim , it’s just how the girls are in my family. Currently battling the HV about youngest (3) and I’ve had to show her family photos to prove my point this is how we are!

That's not true at all, my son in reception was checked and I had a letter saying he is a healthy weight. So no not all under 5s are classed as overweight!

Ilovecakey · 30/05/2024 17:10

Pickledpopcorn · 29/05/2024 22:13

I’ve had to decline the weight checks for all my daughters (I have 3) because up until age 5 they are all classed as obese. They suddenly then have a massive growth spurt and are tall and slim , it’s just how the girls are in my family. Currently battling the HV about youngest (3) and I’ve had to show her family photos to prove my point this is how we are!

Sorry jus reread your post. I now realise you meant just people in your family are overweight until 5. I apologise

Pickledpopcorn · 30/05/2024 17:22

Ilovecakey · 30/05/2024 17:09

That's not true at all, my son in reception was checked and I had a letter saying he is a healthy weight. So no not all under 5s are classed as overweight!

Oh I know I mean we as a family disregard the bmi calculator till after that age as my dc come out as overweight but they all grow tall and slim down quickly around age 5/6 and stay slim . The HV didn’t even believe my food diary at one point !

AnneLovesGilbert · 30/05/2024 17:48

Pickledpopcorn · 30/05/2024 17:22

Oh I know I mean we as a family disregard the bmi calculator till after that age as my dc come out as overweight but they all grow tall and slim down quickly around age 5/6 and stay slim . The HV didn’t even believe my food diary at one point !

Given how you keep describing your family as uniquely unsuited to NHS health measurements and how sure you are of that you’re posting a huge amount explaining it all. It sounds a bit defensive.

Pickledpopcorn · 30/05/2024 17:57

AnneLovesGilbert · 30/05/2024 17:48

Given how you keep describing your family as uniquely unsuited to NHS health measurements and how sure you are of that you’re posting a huge amount explaining it all. It sounds a bit defensive.

Because Ive had to be defensive ! With my older dc it was just how they were but I’ve had a lot of hassle with my youngest so I thought I’d post about our experience that’s all.

to add - not defensive due to MN but our experience with HV mostly

mumspiration1997 · 30/05/2024 18:49

Thanks guys. We are making good progress on Day 1. .. I think?!
Breakfast 9am was Weetabix and water.
Snack 11.30 strawberry banana cut up with a frube and 2 breadsticks.
Lunch 1.30. Roast chicken in granary bread sandwich.
3pm we were at shop and she wanted malteasers so I let her eat half the bag and said we'll have the rest tomorrow
Dinner 5pm. Breaded fish in oven with frozen peas.

Hoping for cereal before bed if needs be or else a pear if it's not too much of a shock to the system.

Hope this is okay and feel free for any other advice or ideas 💡 🙂

OP posts:
yumyumyumy · 30/05/2024 18:54

PollyPut · 30/05/2024 17:02

@mumspiration1997 the depending on whether she is closer to 6 or 7, she is somewhere around 75th centile on weight for her age according to the RCPCH charts: https://www.rcpch.ac.uk/sites/default/files/Girls_2-18_years_growth_chart.pdf

She's not officially overweight but the bar for overweight does seem to be quite high

I'd cut out the McDonalds. For the whole family - it's not a great example for the children.

In the photo I notice she is holding what looks like a sugary drink. Makes me think there are many more of those. They are not going to help her.

Cut them out and replace with water. At meals water, milk or fresh juice. The dentist may well have warned her so build on that immediately. Presumably at school she has water so this shouldn't be too hard. Make sure your relatives understand why that is happening to and support the action as they presumably offer her drinks when you see them - "for her teeth"

I think it's more accurate to base it on weight and height together, the nhs has a bmi calculator for children. She not that tall so is on the overweight/obese end.

PinotPony · 30/05/2024 19:16

mumspiration1997 · 30/05/2024 18:49

Thanks guys. We are making good progress on Day 1. .. I think?!
Breakfast 9am was Weetabix and water.
Snack 11.30 strawberry banana cut up with a frube and 2 breadsticks.
Lunch 1.30. Roast chicken in granary bread sandwich.
3pm we were at shop and she wanted malteasers so I let her eat half the bag and said we'll have the rest tomorrow
Dinner 5pm. Breaded fish in oven with frozen peas.

Hoping for cereal before bed if needs be or else a pear if it's not too much of a shock to the system.

Hope this is okay and feel free for any other advice or ideas 💡 🙂

Vast improvement! Well done!

notacooldad · 30/05/2024 19:51

You have made a positive start, that's great! I know someone said I was harsh with you but you are jren to make changes.
My suggestions would be:

How about making your own bread at weekends. There are really quick breads with minimal ingredients. You could do it as an activity with Dd.

As others have said, look at doing food shops for healthy options. It can take a while to get in to the swing of things but it will soon become a good habit.

Buy some nice cookbooks and choose some meals together. Admittedly I didn't have a great deal of success with this. My lads weren't interested! However it worked well for my friend.

When mine were little I never had snacks such as crisps, cereal, chocolate, ice cream, biscuits in the house. Of course we did have these things occasionally, they werent forbidden, but we had to make a conscious effort to get them. They were a treat rather than an everyday expectation. If we were at the beach or a country park, of course the kids could have an ice cream but there wasn't tubs in freezer.

Op you are starting at a different point than I did. That was my normal living before I had children. With you it's a case of making a fresh life style choice sticking with it until it becomes second nature. I swear it will happen if you are consistent.
Another thing is that we were ( still are) an active family. I know not everyone wants to get out every weekend but we thrived on it and spent time hiking and mountain biking in Scotland since the kids were about seven. Now they are older this early behaviour has stayed with them and they hang round with like minded friends. Make time to do fun active activities together.
I hope it goes well for you both!

bakewellbride · 30/05/2024 19:53

Sounds ok op but from what I can see there is no fresh veg, the only veg at all is frozen peas. I always aim to include 2-3 different vegetables with each meal (apart from breakfast!)

wellington77 · 30/05/2024 20:14

mumspiration1997 · 30/05/2024 18:49

Thanks guys. We are making good progress on Day 1. .. I think?!
Breakfast 9am was Weetabix and water.
Snack 11.30 strawberry banana cut up with a frube and 2 breadsticks.
Lunch 1.30. Roast chicken in granary bread sandwich.
3pm we were at shop and she wanted malteasers so I let her eat half the bag and said we'll have the rest tomorrow
Dinner 5pm. Breaded fish in oven with frozen peas.

Hoping for cereal before bed if needs be or else a pear if it's not too much of a shock to the system.

Hope this is okay and feel free for any other advice or ideas 💡 🙂

Great progress! Can you come do my tea now?! 😊

NotDonna · 30/05/2024 20:33

As I said yesterday along with lots of others the veggies need to be increased. Fruit is ok but only one piece a day if she’s overweight as it contains lots of sugar. Nothing wrong with giving her sliced carrots, cucumber, peppers, celery etc. Nothing wrong with raw veg alongside whatever meat you’re serving too.

ilovesushi · 30/05/2024 20:33

Cantdoitallperfectly · 30/05/2024 09:30

My DD was 125cm and 3s 9lb aged 6 + 4 months. (I’ve kept a log!)
She has had times where she has looked a bit more heavy then had a growth spurt and it levelled out.
unfortunately recently, due to going out with friends etc, she’s gained quite a bit of weight and she seems to have stopped growing, she is now 12 and is what I would describe as “stocky”. I don’t want to say anything as I know how these things affect young girls but at the same time I worry about the junk food eaten when I’m not around to monitor.

we have had numerous conversations about making the healthier choice, managing sugar for dental health but she continues to buy the sausage rolls, pizza slice, cream bun.

As parents we can only do so much once they reach a certain age but I would say that you’re the one in control right now and it’s a good chance to educate your DD about making healthy choices.

I got this book "Eat Well and Feel Great" by Tina Lond-Caulk which is aimed at teenagers for my teenage DD when I was worried that new found freedom with friends meant she was also starting to make really bad eating choices - junk food, overeating. I also didn't want to do or say anything to start an unhealthy obsession with eating/ not eating. She loved this book and it had a positive impact on her eating habits.

Cantdoitallperfectly · 30/05/2024 20:41

@ilovesushi Thank you for this! I will check it out.

PollyPut · 30/05/2024 21:46

yumyumyumy · 30/05/2024 18:54

I think it's more accurate to base it on weight and height together, the nhs has a bmi calculator for children. She not that tall so is on the overweight/obese end.

@yumyumyumy I'd always thought it was weight and height too. But it was a children's surgeon who I was recently discussing children's healthy weight with who said they were interested in weight (percentile) and age, and not their height and weight

PollyPut · 30/05/2024 21:48

@mumspiration1997 Dinner - any carbs such as potato wedges? I would think she'd get hungry with just fish and peas

mumspiration1997 · 30/05/2024 22:32

PollyPut · 30/05/2024 21:48

@mumspiration1997 Dinner - any carbs such as potato wedges? I would think she'd get hungry with just fish and peas

I was thinking about too many carbs. Would frozen wedges be OK?

OP posts:
mumspiration1997 · 30/05/2024 22:33

NotDonna · 30/05/2024 20:33

As I said yesterday along with lots of others the veggies need to be increased. Fruit is ok but only one piece a day if she’s overweight as it contains lots of sugar. Nothing wrong with giving her sliced carrots, cucumber, peppers, celery etc. Nothing wrong with raw veg alongside whatever meat you’re serving too.

Thanks 😀 she really will not even attempt to eat any of the above. Only things are frozen peas, baked beans, tinned Sweetcorn. I'm afraid.

OP posts: