Co-sleeping with your baby: what you need to know

This article was updated on 30th May 2023 in line with the most up-to-date guidance.

The Department of Health’s advice on co-sleeping is clear: it's important to be safe if you share a bed with your baby. Most parents don’t start out intending to co-sleep but surveys indicate that, when getting their baby to sleep becomes tricky, around 50% try co-sleeping in the first six months.

There are times when it makes sense to take your baby into your bed, so it’s worth knowing as much as possible about the benefits and risks involved in co-sleeping. We asked sleep consultant Janine Orford of The Bedtime Champ for her expert advice on co-sleeping with your baby.

Pros of co-sleeping

Some parents believe co-sleeping helps their baby to relax and creates a strong bond between baby and parent. The baby is willing to drift into light sleep, reassured by the knowledge that their parent is close by and without any of the initial abandonment anxiety that can come with being placed in a cot on their own.

Falling asleep in their parent’s arms is a pleasant experience for a baby so they form a positive view of sleep. That means they’re more willing to fall asleep, which helps to establish a healthy sleep pattern. According to advocates of co-sleeping, this means the baby feels safer and sleeps longer which improves their well-being and yours.

-Cotswoldmama

Some studies indicate that co-sleeping has long-term emotional benefits, with babies who slept with their parents going on to be happier and healthier children than those who slept alone.

Critics argue that co-sleeping is dangerous but there are experts who believe that it reduces the risks of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS). They say co-sleeping babies spend less time in deep sleep which means they wake up easily and are less prone to cot death.

Added to this is the view that the co-sleeping baby learns to synchronise his breathing with the sound of his parents’ breathing, with the parent’s breaths then acting as a kind of pacemaker to regulates the baby’s.

Co-sleeping can make breastfeeding easier, as the mother is able to simply pick up the baby and feed him through the night, without the disruption of you both getting up and out of bed.

Related: The best cribs and co-sleeper cots, according to Mumsnetters

The cons of co-sleeping

The main argument against co-sleeping is that it is dangerous. The National Institute for Health and Care Excellence (NICE) points out that, although SIDS is rare, it is more common among babies who co-sleep.

Co-sleeping babies are at risk of overheating if the parents use a duvet. Another danger is that a parent will roll over and suffocate their baby. There’s also the risk that the baby will fall out of the bed.

Some people believe that co-sleeping makes your baby too attached to you. “You’ll never be able to get them out of your bed,” according to one Mumsnetter. Most co-sleeping children move into their own bed at around the age of two but, if your baby is used to sleeping in your arms, they might find moving out of your bed an emotional wrench and find it hard to settle at night alone.

Sometimes you simply need time to yourself for the sake of your sanity and to remind yourself that there’s more to life than feeding bottles and changing bags. If you have your baby in bed with you then you will have fewer opportunities to catch-up with your partner, read a book or simply declutter your mind. And, let’s be honest, it makes sex pretty tricky, too. So if you’re thinking about trying to conceive again, co-sleeping won't help (or you'll have to get creative with your locations).

If you decide co-sleeping is for you

If you like the idea of snuggling up with your baby at night (and bear in mind that the snuggly newborn stage morphs quickly into the akimbo-arms, thrashing-legs stage), you need to take the following steps:

Discuss co-sleeping with your partner and make sure you're in agreement

It's essential that you and your partner are in agreement about co-sleeping and that you're both realistic about the challenges involved. Unfortunately, there's no getting around the fact that having your baby in your bed has an adverse effect on your sex life. If you don't want that side of your relationship to disappear then you'll need to find alternative locations (which can be an adventure in itself). Be honest with each other about how this makes you feel. There's no point co-sleeping to bring you both closer to your children if it ends up driving the two of you apart.

On the other hand, if you're experimenting with co-sleeping as a solution to an ongoing problem, such as excessive crying caused by colic, it could be that you want to try sleeping alone with your baby. This could be more comfortable. Discuss with your partner the possibility of them sleeping elsewhere for a trial period. But whatever you do, make sure you’re in agreement.

Research products that might help with co-sleeping

Manufacturers are trying to settle the co-sleeping debate by offering a range of products that could help you solve your dilemma. These products tend to provide a compromise between co-sleeping and putting your baby in a cot or Moses basket. Principal among the new products is the co-sleeper crib which stands beside your bed, eliminating some of the dangers of co-sleeping while keeping your child within easy reach. The Chicco Next2Me Crib has also proved popular with Mumsnetters.

Take safety precautions

With time you will work out the best sleeping arrangements for your family. If you decide to try co-sleeping then there are several steps to take to do it safely.

• Always put your baby down on her back and ensure her head is above the bedding. You could try sleeping in the 'c position' where you lie on your side, with your body curled around your baby, in a c-shape.

• Keep your baby away from your pillows. Babies should not have pillows until they are older than 12 months.

• Make sure your baby can’t fall out of the bed or become trapped between the mattress and wall. Never leave him alone in your bed – even for a brief time – as he could roll off on to the floor. Some parents put their mattress on the floor to eliminate the risk of the baby falling out of bed.

• Keep your baby cool and avoid stuffiness by using sheets instead of a duvet. Overheating is one of the main dangers of co-sleeping so don’t underestimate this risk.

• Use a firm mattress. A soft mattress increases the risk of your baby getting hot and moved about in the night but a firm mattress makes that less likely. Never co-sleep with your baby on a waterbed.

• Do not fall asleep on a chair or sofa while holding your baby. She could become trapped between cushions or against the back of the sofa, meaning that you could suffocate her while you sleep.

Rules for co-sleeping

It’s impossible to overstate how important it is to follow the guidelines below. Professor Peter Fleming (one of the world’s leading experts on cot death) has published a study showing that 54% of cot death victims were co-sleeping babies. However, the same study also showed that the majority of these deaths occurred when parents had been drinking alcohol or taking drugs or had been sleeping with their baby outside of a bed (on a chair or sofa). When these extenuating factors are removed, there is no indication that co-sleeping babies are more prone to cot death than babies who sleep in cots. For these reasons, you should never co-sleep if:

• You've been drinking alcohol or taking drugs.

• You are taking medication that makes you feel drowsy.

• You or your partner smoke. This includes e-cigarettes and applies even if you don’t smoke in the bedroom.

• Your baby was born before 37 weeks.

• Your baby had a birthweight below 2.5kg/5.5lbs.

• Your baby is suffering from a fever.

What Mumsnetters say about co-sleeping

"I'm still co-sleeping with my 19 month old. Since the day we brought her home from the hospital, she just will not sleep in her cot. Co-sleeping was the only was both of us could sleep and function during the day." - Experience of Mumsnet user AudreyJL

"Honestly co-sleeping may help the baby get sleep but you sure as hell don't get any sleep. Mine are both older now but I'm a firm believe I'm sleep training. To be honest a lot of these gentle methods or co-sleeping suggestions seems to me to just be kicking the can down the road or creating another problem to solve later on." - Experience of Mumsnetter Whatwouldscullydo

"Some think that safe co-sleeping is better than anything else, that it helps regulate baby's breathing and can actually prevent SIDS. Anyway, it's the norm in most cultures around the world and has only been tampered with here as mums have been encouraged/required to return to work and can't commit to the odd sleep patterns of babies and toddlers." - Advice from Mumsnet user DontBuyANewMumCashmere

"The plus side of co sleeping is that it maintains a sanity for many parents whose babies struggle to be put down at night and/or who breastfeed regularly. I totally get why people do it. The downside is about 80% if the parents I know who have co slept struggle to get the child out of their own bed, even for years after. Not necessarily every night, but certainly for some." - Advice from Mumsnet user mrsb06

"I co-slept with both DDs until age 12ish. We had lovely night time ritual of book reading and then little chats in dark before sleep. DH works night shift and I had long-hours corporate job that didn't get me home until 6:30, hubby left at 8/9 in evenings. This bedtime ritual kept us three feeling safe and connected, and got me to sleep otherwise I'd have spent all night working or cleaning. It was good for me as well as them!" -Experience of Mumsnetter Delphinium20