Society feels so porn obsessed these days

(113 Posts)
H2OConnoisseur Wed 12-May-21 03:25:56

Here are some things off the top of my head that I've observed in the past few weeks alone:

1. My previously nice, decent (mostly male) friends from Uni have bought into the mantra that 'women objectify themselves anyway' and now constantly spam the group WhatsApp with Instagram and OnlyFan links of women, complete with ensuing discussions about how 'fuckable' they are

2. I was on a job-seeking forum for students and recent graduates, and so many posts were about cam work or OnlyFans, and so many men were posting about how women are fortunate that they could get rich doing something like that

3. Almost all of my friends have boyfriends that watch/subscribe to porn accounts, with a good amount of them even chatting with the content creator. Half of them hate it but feel like they don't know any men who aren't like that and that if they say anything they're being 'jealous and possessive', and the other half think that there's nothing wrong with it and that the people who do have a problem with it are 'jealous and possessive'.

I know I should just ignore it if I don't like it but it's everywhere and I am frankly a mix of disgusted and frustrated about it all. A year ago, I was even told by one of my (now ex) best friends (completely out of the blue we weren't even having a conversation) that he would subscribe to my OnlyFans if I ever decide to create one!

Not sure what the point of this thread is but I'm having the worst day and am trying to refrain from cursing out a friend after she told another friend that she was insecure for wanting to leave her porn obsessed boyfriend!

OP’s posts: |
WatchingPaintWet Wed 12-May-21 04:09:38

Solidarity, sister.

It sounds like I'm a bit older than you and I can tell you that it was definitely not always like you describe (though it was getting worse when I was at university).

I'm so sorry. There are men out there who don't watch porn or get involved in all this stuff (though I'm sure they're a dwindling number). You don't have to lower your standards and accept it. Honestly, why would any woman want to be with a man like that? Would you want to have children (daughters?) with someone like that?

I'd be leaving that WhatsApp group too - they sound gross and the more women's hang around tolerating, the more 'OK' they'll think it is.

I honestly feel like the world has been getting a lot worse for women over the past couple of decades.

Justa47 Wed 12-May-21 04:15:52

@H2OConnoisseur

I agree is not very nice or classy.
But it’s also freedom.

I would keep my distance.

PuertoVallarta Wed 12-May-21 05:40:08

More solidarity.

I also work in an industry where appearance is important. It used to be about helping people look their best and making women feel confident. Now it’s all about who’s the hottest and sexiest. Cosmetics now have porn-influenced names and young girls buy them. I used to love my job but for the past few years it has gotten depressing.

For me the saddest is how my younger coworkers are hyper focused on making themselves as hot and sexy as possible. They think it would be great to have a sugar daddy or a successful onlyfans. They spend so much money on waxing, hair extensions, nails, lip injections. They all have their lips done.

I’m sad. I want to hide under the covers and wake up fifteen years ago.

Temp023 Wed 12-May-21 06:05:34

My favourite book, “The Pursuit of Love!” set in the 1930’s. 10 minutes in, there are 2 girls in the bath together, rolling about in towels and talking about masturbation. Don’t think I’m a prude, but it’s like the only thing that is interesting is sex now. sad

Temp023 Wed 12-May-21 06:07:12

Justa47

*@H2OConnoisseur*

I agree is not very nice or classy.
But it’s also freedom.

I would keep my distance.

What part of any of this is making women free?

MoltenLasagne Wed 12-May-21 06:45:01

That's horrible OP. How old are you if you don't mind me asking?

I'm mid 30s and nothing like this is on my radar with male friends and if our friendship group ever heard of a friend's boyfriend spending money on OnlyFans I think she'd be unanimously told to leave him.

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FannyCann Wed 12-May-21 06:45:16

They all have their lips done.
A young woman was hanging around outside a shop I was going into the other day, orange skin, bleached hair and HUGE lips with a bluish tinge. They literally flapped as she talked to her friend. It sounds bad but honestly I struggled not to stop and state! My daughter knowledgeably told me the bluish tinge must be bruising and she had probably just had it done.
I can't imagine what these young women will look like in 20 years or so after repeated treatments like this.

I suppose it must be influencing this obsession with make up and body altering treatments.

Crepescular Wed 12-May-21 07:28:56

H2OConnoisseur

Here are some things off the top of my head that I've observed in the past few weeks alone:

1. My previously nice, decent (mostly male) friends from Uni have bought into the mantra that 'women objectify themselves anyway' and now constantly spam the group WhatsApp with Instagram and OnlyFan links of women, complete with ensuing discussions about how 'fuckable' they are

2. I was on a job-seeking forum for students and recent graduates, and so many posts were about cam work or OnlyFans, and so many men were posting about how women are fortunate that they could get rich doing something like that

3. Almost all of my friends have boyfriends that watch/subscribe to porn accounts, with a good amount of them even chatting with the content creator. Half of them hate it but feel like they don't know any men who aren't like that and that if they say anything they're being 'jealous and possessive', and the other half think that there's nothing wrong with it and that the people who do have a problem with it are 'jealous and possessive'.

I know I should just ignore it if I don't like it but it's everywhere and I am frankly a mix of disgusted and frustrated about it all. A year ago, I was even told by one of my (now ex) best friends (completely out of the blue we weren't even having a conversation) that he would subscribe to my OnlyFans if I ever decide to create one!

Not sure what the point of this thread is but I'm having the worst day and am trying to refrain from cursing out a friend after she told another friend that she was insecure for wanting to leave her porn obsessed boyfriend!

Maybe you should get some new friends - or, rather, some friends who won't turn into immature, misogynistic, porn-obsessed losers or whose partners aren't immature, misogynistic, porn-obsessed losers,

None of my friends or their partners are like this. Maybe you're just hanging around with the wrong people - most people are in fact pretty decent, respectful, moral individuals who don't buy into this pornification shit.

OhHolyJesus Wed 12-May-21 07:45:29

Hang around here OP. I'm not one for echo chambers (and this isn't one as we don't all agree) but sometimes it's nice to be in company where you don't have to defend or argue ever single point of view.

Society is porn-soaked and I hate it too, though I'm not exposed to it as much as you are by the sounds of it.

You can ignore it but it sounds ever-present, if you challenged it would you be rejected or talked down?

It's very depressing that women are socialised to accept what's on offer with men who watch porn. It never ends well, the erectile dysfunction rates in men over 25 are reason enough for men to reconsider their porn-watching habits let alone the objectification of the women I assume they say they love or at least like a lot. Men who watch porn do end up struggling to enjoy sex with a real woman.

hereticsandwitches Wed 12-May-21 08:14:57

To quote a wise woman:
"Its deeply worrying that so many young women have been conditioned to believe that in all situations some men's wants/feelings are the priority."

IvyTwines2 Wed 12-May-21 09:59:47

This is absolutely not the way things used to be. Yes, there was porn, but it was 'top shelf' in wrappers or behind the blanked-out windows of what used to be called 'private shops'. As a 20-something, there was only one university-educated acquaintance I knew who spoke like that to your face, and he had other issues going on in his life and ended up being sacked from work for inappropriate language towards women (yes, these sackings did actually happen back in the 2000s!). I find it extraordinary what young people have been groomed to think is 'normal' these days, how far the bar of male behaviour has been lowered. It feels like you're on a different planet. And it's notable how this new culture's favourite terms of abuse are aimed at demonising and silencing women with a lot of life experience, and who remember the 'before times' - TERF, Karen, 'OK Boomer', and get them kicked off Twitter and deplatformed at every opportunity (god, I feel like the old guy in Logan's Run!).

Justa47 Wed 12-May-21 10:31:33

@Temp023

I didn’t say it makes women free.
I think it doesn’t

I mean they are free too choose.

coronaway Wed 12-May-21 10:57:39

This is partly why I hate the sex work is just like any other job mantra. The number of women who now work in the industry (in one way or another) is hard to get your head around - particularly for the under 30s.

H2OConnoisseur Wed 12-May-21 11:30:27

MoltenLasagne

That's horrible OP. How old are you if you don't mind me asking?

I'm mid 30s and nothing like this is on my radar with male friends and if our friendship group ever heard of a friend's boyfriend spending money on OnlyFans I think she'd be unanimously told to leave him.


I'm 27 but have plenty of friends between 22 to 25 because I did a second undergrad degree.

OP’s posts: |
andyoldlabour Wed 12-May-21 11:35:00

As a bloke, I am glad that I spent my younger years in the seventies, much simpler times. Modern technology has a lot to answer for, but also the media, particularly television reality shows which seem to glorify the worst excesses of tawdry human behaviour. There is a pressure on the young (and not so young) to look a certain way - cosmetic surgery for young women, steroids for young men, the selfie culture.
Maybe Mary Whitehouse was right? Never thought I would be saying that!

PetuniaPot Wed 12-May-21 11:42:04

Sounds terrible.
I would practice saying what you believe though. I now quite am glad I did disapprove openly in the late 80s and 90s (albeit quietly because that's my style) of issues that have now flared up into CSE and Me Too. Yes a subset thought I was a miserable spoil sport. 🤷

Ostara212 Wed 12-May-21 11:43:14

OP in general my circle of friends is small because I don't want this crap in my life. I'd get off the WA group.

I find I can't make friends with men. I know NAMALT but why bother generally. The idea of a boyfriend is impossible.

I noticed this "and so many men were posting about how women are fortunate that they could get rich doing something like that"

I'd reply saying "you can too". There will be the same market for gay men I'm sure.

Ostara212 Wed 12-May-21 11:44:10

Oh, I was considered a killjoy and weirdo at uni. It wasn't worth hanging out with those people.

WorkWorkAngelica Wed 12-May-21 11:48:01

That sounds awful. I'm so glad I'm 10 years older than you and none of this seems to be an issue amongst my friends/DH/his friends. I had to tell DH what only fans was recently, he'd never heard of it until I mentioned it.

Tbh I wouldn't be holding my tongue. Certainly with the female friend accusing the other one of being insecure, no fucking way. I'd say what I thought in no uncertain terms.

With the WhatsApp group, tbh I'd say what I thought as well and probably leave. Yes they might accuse you being a prude or whatever but maybe, just maybe, some of them might have pause for thought.

I dread this aspect of the world for my children. I have one of each sex and the thought of this mentality is absolutely dire for both of them. sad

H2OConnoisseur Wed 12-May-21 11:48:30

OhHolyJesus

Hang around here OP. I'm not one for echo chambers (and this isn't one as we don't all agree) but sometimes it's nice to be in company where you don't have to defend or argue ever single point of view.

Society is porn-soaked and I hate it too, though I'm not exposed to it as much as you are by the sounds of it.

You can ignore it but it sounds ever-present, if you challenged it would you be rejected or talked down?

It's very depressing that women are socialised to accept what's on offer with men who watch porn. It never ends well, the erectile dysfunction rates in men over 25 are reason enough for men to reconsider their porn-watching habits let alone the objectification of the women I assume they say they love or at least like a lot. Men who watch porn do end up struggling to enjoy sex with a real woman.


I don't have the energy to say anything as I can almost predict how it'll pan out but i do remember a woman asking the group if it was normal for her boyfriend to watch porn daily because she was uncomfortable with it, and other women were 'gently' giving her tips on how to work on her insecurity and jealousy issues with one saying that she should leave if it bothers her so much but that she likely won't find a man who isn't like that! It's all said under the banner of feminism and women's empowerment as well which I find really irksome.

OP’s posts: |
WorkWorkAngelica Wed 12-May-21 11:54:47

Ah you need to be in the fucking outraged mentality, and you may not be there yet.

The sheer heat of anger, plus fear at the future for my young children, drives/allows me to say whatever I feel is the right thing, and fuck the fall out.

In my 20s I wouldn't have and tbh I wouldn't really have grasped the true horror and scale of the effect of porn on society and I wouldn't have wanted to rock the boat with friends.

IvyTwines2 Wed 12-May-21 12:31:46

@H2OConnoisseur 'and other women were 'gently' giving her tips on how to work on her insecurity and jealousy issues'.

It sounds like the female equivalent of that Noel Clarke 'acting class'! You can totally see how men like him get away with it so long. I suppose 15 years ago these young women were the little girls W H Smith was selling Playboy-branded school pencil cases to.

Beowulfa Wed 12-May-21 12:46:46

andyoldlabour

As a bloke, I am glad that I spent my younger years in the seventies, much simpler times. Modern technology has a lot to answer for, but also the media, particularly television reality shows which seem to glorify the worst excesses of tawdry human behaviour. There is a pressure on the young (and not so young) to look a certain way - cosmetic surgery for young women, steroids for young men, the selfie culture.
Maybe Mary Whitehouse was right? Never thought I would be saying that!

Wasn't Whitehouse responsible for the 9 pm watershed? That seems eminently sensible now, although increasingly less relevant for a younger generation easily able to watch stuff on demand.

OP- your early twenties are when you have your first real chance to explore a wide range of friendship groups through employment/volunteering/flatsharing. There could have been a sitcom written about the range of characters I encountered in my first job; it was way more varied than my university circle. So don't feel you have to hang out with these people forever.

There are many reasons I don't have a smartphone, but one of them is that you're then expected to be on WhatsApp and care about people's brain dumpage.

Summerhillsquare Wed 12-May-21 12:56:45

That is a great point @IvyTwines2, this sort of thing has been groomed into them for a long time. I felt I was very lucky being Gen X in that in my youth men were competing, to see how good in bed they could be - there was less of this competition between women. Solidarity again, OP.

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