It can be hard work, tiring and draining to investigate and challenge the million ways, large and small, that the patriarchy oppresses women. I'd like to make a support thread for women to help each other negotiate this emotional labour while also looking after their own health.
Things to remember:
Boundaries - You don't have to respond to everyone, or every topic - this issue is huge and involves the whole human race - it's not up to you to fix it all by yourself. Drama doesn't help, in most cases. Be wary of 'drama triangles' - people playing victim/rescuer/persecutor. If someone is rude, or demanding your time, you can step away, nobody is obliged to answer questions just because they've been asked. Silence is nothing to be afraid of. Guard your time and energy.
Rest - take time to do something nourishing and wholesome every day - a walk, some gardening, call a friend, block out half an hour to read a book or a lightweight magazine. I read recently we need around 5 hours of rest a day. For women, especially, with caring duties, this seems a tall order, but we can take even very small steps to block out time for restful activity.
Emotional self-care - If you feel yourself getting overwrought or 'triggered', it's probably time to step away from the arena. Deep breathing is good! Sometimes a night's sleep helps. Reach out to others. Counselling or therapy can also be helpful, if deep-seated issues rise up, or just speaking to a sympathetic friend.
Write it down. Journaling might help. Sometimes the issues feel so overwhelming. I think it might make it all seem less vast if one takes time to write it down. I'm envisioning a Mindmap of all the issues, although I suspect it would be a large one. Collecting evidence, quotes, useful articles helps one to feel useful and in control.
Action. Taking actions is what leads to real progress and can spur change. These might be small - sign a petition, write to your MP, donate to a good cause; they might be large - form a grassroots organisation, start a campaign, speak at a rally. Thousands of women taking small, middling and big actions adds up to a movement.
Gratitude. For how far we have come. Worth remembering that a hundred years ago women didn't even have the vote. Rape in marriage was legal. Women were the property of their husbands. Our grandmothers and foremothers worked to enable us to keep on this work, now. For other women, all that they do to keep women and children safe, for all the fronts that they face, all over the world. It's not a situation that will ever be entirely resolved, I think, but it's a case we have to keep on remaking, one step at a time.
Your work matters, your presence matters, your time matters. Look after yourself.
Thanks for all that you do!
Feminism: Sex and gender discussions
Self-care for feminists
ArabellaScott · 19/04/2021 14:36
@R0wantrees
With lockdown rules relaxing, I also highly recommend spending time with like-minded women.
Yes! And having a laugh, too, I forgot about that, but it's essential.
Thank you ArabellaScott I'll drink to that
What a positive thread.
Thanks for this, Arabella. And I agree with R0wantrees about the company of like-minded women -- that recharges my batteries.
We all need each other 
This is EXCELLENT advice and, when this thread inevitably fills up, please keep it going a la Bunbury. So, so helpful to so many of us, no matter how long in the tooth we may be, we all need reminding of how to Self Care sometimes. Some 
for you Arabella - whichever is your poison 
.
Such a lovely and useful thread. So worth remembering when the energy suckers are roaming the board.
nobody is obliged to answer questions just because they've been asked. Silence is nothing to be afraid of. Guard your time and energy
Such wise words.
I'm off for a quick wee self nurturing toddy in the Bluestocking in the company of women
Great thread Arabella it can all feel too much sometimes. It can also feel like we’re trying to run to keep up just to keep our own language or what little supports we have as women, when there are loads of other ongoing and emerging issues that affect women and girls that are not being addressed at all because our resources are finite. So keeping the bigger picture long term perspective and giving ourselves permission to engage at a manageable pace is really important.
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A well worded gentle reminder containing great advice.
Thank you for taking the time out to do this
Kids went back to school yesterday, Clarice. Able to take my own advice for the first time in months!
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