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I am being asked to go into a meeting and introduce my pronouns to everyone in an hour and a half!

(313 Posts)
WhatTheFuckHappenedHere Thu 29-Oct-20 11:35:32

I am part of a work group tasked with running a big event that will take almost a year to plan. The first meeting is in an hour and a half over Zoom. The organiser, who I've never met, and goes by they/them pronouns according to the email signature, sent round an email reminder this morning with the meeting link, and including an agenda. The first thing on it is to introduce ourselves, our work area, an our gender pronouns. I don't really want to do this, but I need to work with this person and the group as a whole for the best part of a year! I'm feeling like I'll just have to go along with it lest I get accused of enacting literal and actual violence. Any advice?

OP’s posts: |
vivariumvivariumsvivaria Thu 29-Oct-20 11:37:10

Message the organiser and say you are not ready to discuss your pronouns publicly and how do they intend to prevent you from being outed in this way?

ArabellaScott Thu 29-Oct-20 11:37:47

I'd just ignore it. They'll look like idiots if they try and force the issue.

ChaToilLeam Thu 29-Oct-20 11:37:48

I’d just skip the pronoun bit and move on. I bet others feel like you too. Will the organiser have the nerve to press this during the meeting?

Goannaforanna Thu 29-Oct-20 11:39:00

I have sworn that if I am ever asked to do this I will say that my pronouns are he/him- I am not going to emphasise my femaleness to my own disadvantage and it makes as much sense as any other option.. Good luck whatever you decide to do.

AfterSchoolWorry Thu 29-Oct-20 11:39:37

I'd totally ignore it.

joanwinifred Thu 29-Oct-20 11:40:55

Just give your name and don't bother with the pronouns. If they press tell them you don't think it's appropriate and you don't feel comfortable with these kinds of questions.
If they want to truly be inclusive of everyone, that will include those who know women's pronouns are sex based like their oppression.

TheElementsOfMedical Thu 29-Oct-20 11:40:58

Just introduce yourself, your work area, and then stop there with a politely firm expression on your face?

SonEtLumiere Thu 29-Oct-20 11:41:04

vivariumvivariumsvivaria

Message the organiser and say you are not ready to discuss your pronouns publicly and how do they intend to prevent you from being outed in this way?

This. Really go to town on their presumptuousness.

Then report them to HR and demand they be reprimanded.

Smallsteps88 Thu 29-Oct-20 11:41:16

Don’t do it. Just comepletey ignore that part of the instruction. They’d have to be completely lacking in self awareness to interrupt you on a live meeting to insist you do it. If they do, however, you ask them if they wish to postpone the meeting and discuss this privately.

CoolYourBeansMySon Thu 29-Oct-20 11:41:27

It's an agenda item? FFS. Good luck OP and on working with them.

FluffMagnet Thu 29-Oct-20 11:41:52

Can you say politely that you have no affinity to any gender stereotypes, however you believe most people will refer to you by pronouns relating to your sex?

Smallsteps88 Thu 29-Oct-20 11:42:49

Actually ignore me and do what @vivariumvivariumsvivaria and @SonEtLumiere suggest.

CoolYourBeansMySon Thu 29-Oct-20 11:43:01

FluffMagnet

Can you say politely that you have no affinity to any gender stereotypes, however you believe most people will refer to you by pronouns relating to your sex?

Ooh, that's a good answer!

kingsleyhimself Thu 29-Oct-20 11:43:10

Just don't give your pronouns. Finish your intriduction, "nice to meet you all", then mute mic to show you've done.
If they press it, say you would prefer not to at the moment thank you for asking.
If you were brave you could follow up with an email explaining that you are currently considering your gender identity very thoughtfully and that having to declare your pronouns publicly like this is for you, literal violence, traumatising at this time and therefore transphobic.

WhatTheFuckHappenedHere Thu 29-Oct-20 11:43:13

Goannaforanna

I have sworn that if I am ever asked to do this I will say that my pronouns are he/him- I am not going to emphasise my femaleness to my own disadvantage and it makes as much sense as any other option.. Good luck whatever you decide to do.

I wish I was this brave!

OP’s posts: |
Aesopfable Thu 29-Oct-20 11:45:04

‘My pronouns aren’t ‘Aesop’ and ‘you’, how you refer to me in my absence is up to you’

WhatTheFuckHappenedHere Thu 29-Oct-20 11:45:53

ChaToilLeam

I’d just skip the pronoun bit and move on. I bet others feel like you too. Will the organiser have the nerve to press this during the meeting?

I think this will be my plan! I really hope the organiser will not be brave enough to push this.

OP’s posts: |
WhatTheFuckHappenedHere Thu 29-Oct-20 11:46:49

kingsleyhimself

Just don't give your pronouns. Finish your intriduction, "nice to meet you all", then mute mic to show you've done.
If they press it, say you would prefer not to at the moment thank you for asking.
If you were brave you could follow up with an email explaining that you are currently considering your gender identity very thoughtfully and that having to declare your pronouns publicly like this is for you, literal violence, traumatising at this time and therefore transphobic.

grin Traumatising indeed

OP’s posts: |
Namechangeme87 Thu 29-Oct-20 11:48:24

Just skip that part as others have said I doubt they will pull you up

That’s what I’d do as otherwise I’d find it hard not to answer sarcastically

WhatTheFuckHappenedHere Thu 29-Oct-20 11:48:30

The instructions also have some dictats relating to 'self care' during Zoom meetings, although hilarious, I dare not post these in case I'm horrendously outed

OP’s posts: |
justanotherneighinparadise Thu 29-Oct-20 11:48:33

FluffMagnet

Can you say politely that you have no affinity to any gender stereotypes, however you believe most people will refer to you by pronouns relating to your sex?

LOVE that.

vivariumvivariumsvivaria Thu 29-Oct-20 11:48:35

Good luck.

I'd keep it in reserve though, if they force you to join in then you can argue that it is transphobic. You are entitled to privacy over your gender identity.

The fact that you may not consider gender to be a "thing" is not relevant. You can argue that it is private, whatever "it" is.

Sexnotgender Thu 29-Oct-20 11:48:43

Name
Work department
And you don’t believe in compelled speech however if anyone wishes to discuss you outside of your presence then sex based pronouns are fine.

CloudPop Thu 29-Oct-20 11:49:32

FluffMagnet

Can you say politely that you have no affinity to any gender stereotypes, however you believe most people will refer to you by pronouns relating to your sex?


That nails it, in my view.

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