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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

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Original poster

Powerful R4Woman's Hour 'transwidow' interview with a woman describing the devastating impact of her husband's transition on her, their marriage and children.

149 replies

R0wantrees · 08/01/2019 10:55

'Michelle's' experience described in an interview today is very moving and powerful.
She describes how the voices of the partners, wives and children of men who transition are silenced.
Its a very eloquent and nuanced discussion & important listening.
Flowers 'Michelle'

'Yesterday and today we look at the impact of the decision to Transition on marriage and family relationships. Yesterday we heard from Stephanie Jones when she transitioned from male to female and became, as she describes it, a "stranger in her own home". Today we hear from Michele whose ex-husband transitioned after they had been married for 16 years.'
www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m0001xsf

I hope someone transcribes her words

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
QuentinWinters · 08/01/2019 10:56

She was brilliant. Well done Michelle.

I thought what she said about the impact of lies and mistrust on a marriage was very powerful and relatable for many people in all kinds of relationship breakdowns.

AornisHades · 08/01/2019 10:57

Very powerful. Flowers for 'Michelle'

OP posts:
Datun · 08/01/2019 11:00

She sounded sad, reasonable and insightful.

She works with trans people and had no hesitation in analysing her husband as an autogynephile.

Which is interesting. I suspect that most people would just accept that. Many people understand the cross dressing is a turn on.

But then as soon as it becomes political, it switches back to gender dysphoria.

theredjellybean · 08/01/2019 11:06

I wept quietly for Michelle and her children.
And thought in comparison with yesterday's interviewee she was reasonable, balanced, sensible and sad.

hipsterfun · 08/01/2019 11:06

If Michelle is reading, I’d like to say I think anger is an entirely reasonable emotional response to her experience.

AnchorMum · 08/01/2019 11:10

Thank you so much 'Michelle' for relating your experience. It was very powerful and moving. I believe every word you said and commend your compassion and dignity. Thanks

What was also striking is how similar her story will feel to parents with young adult children who have suddenly decided they too are not the sex they were born as and decide to transition.

YetAnotherSpartacus · 08/01/2019 11:14

I loved his letter - I love you, want you and think we should carry on ... absolutely no care or understanding for her needs, wants or feelings. Prick.

Datun · 08/01/2019 11:21

I love you, want you and think we should carry on ... absolutely no care or understanding for her needs, wants or feelings.

I also noted how his parents thought the same. That she should suck it up and protect him.

Meanwhile, he was 'elated' and excited by his skirt.

YetAnotherSpartacus · 08/01/2019 11:29

Yes - I remember that through the red haze of rage. Women really are just things with no needs of our own aren't we?

Horsewithnomane · 08/01/2019 11:30

I wish there had been a couple more questions like "is your ex-husband now a het woman or a lesbian" and I would love to know if her ex is also estranged from his parents..

Woman's Hour is quite simply the best programme on the whole of the beeb.

Original poster
R0wantrees · 08/01/2019 11:31

She works with trans people and had no hesitation in analysing her husband as an autogynephile.

2016 Miranda Yardley article:
'What Autogynephilia is, and what is it not; a brief note'
(extract)
"I wanted to explain some aspects of what autogynephilia is. It was initially posted as two separate post on MumsNet in response to questions about what it is, and a number of limiting preconceptions a number of people had (mainly that autogynephilia is confined solely to erotic cross-dressing) which limited their ability to get a grasp on this fascinating subject. I’ve posted it here as I didn’t want what I’d written to be lost forever in a long discussion thread. I will use this as a basis for a more comprehensive essay at a later point in time." (continues)
mirandayardley.com/en/what-autogynephilia-is-and-what-is-it-not-a-brief-note/

2017
mirandayardley.com/en/a-history-of-autogynephilia/

OP posts:
Melroses · 08/01/2019 11:33

It was interesting to hear how they went from what seemed a normal marriage to his becoming so self absorbed in the months before and following his disclosure. It seems to be like a second teenage.

Michelle is very knowledgeable.

AornisHades · 08/01/2019 11:34

Horse my impression was that Michelle doesn't have the kind of contact where she'd know about her ex's preferences now.

YetAnotherSpartacus · 08/01/2019 11:40

Yeah - she sees him on the street and that's about it.

BlooperReel · 08/01/2019 11:48

The link takes me to a listing and I cannot see a clear reference to Michelle's discussion, can someone point me in the right direction please?

BlooperReel · 08/01/2019 11:48

ahh it's ok I have found it

TimeLady · 08/01/2019 11:52

Powerful indeed. Well worth a listen.

Wordthe · 08/01/2019 11:54

@R0wantrees thank you for the Miranda Yardley links, very interesting I urge anyone to read them, I think they really do help to explain what's going on with heterosexual male transsexuals

Melroses · 08/01/2019 11:57

The section started around 10.27am.

Epiphany52 · 08/01/2019 11:58

I’m listening to this now. It’s heartbreaking for Michelle and her children. What comes across is her love for her children. His complete lack of emotional care for any members of his family. Poor poor children.
The scales have fallen from her eyes.
I would do the same in her position.
She is very brave and strong.

ProfessoressWoland · 08/01/2019 11:58

It's interesting what Michelle said about her ex-husband's sense of entitlement.
It seems to me that in some cases, 'transitioning' is now an acceptable outlet for men's mid-life crisis. It's a shame that women who try to support their husbands through this process are being gaslighted by the TWAW mantra.

senua · 08/01/2019 12:00

Just to state the obvious difference:
Yesterday's testimony was by a transwoman. It was a monologue, an extract from a written work.
Todays' testimony was by a transwidow. Jane asked questions and they were answered, off the cuff and not pre-scripted.

Wordthe · 08/01/2019 12:00

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Neurotrash · 08/01/2019 12:03

I wanted to comment on yesterday's thread and need to listen to the rest of today's programme (small person restricts ability Grin).

Excellent that woman's hour did this.

I have no issues with the scheduling of yesterday's piece - it was necessary for completion and to explain the wider picture and I believe today's segment (what I've heard so far) is more powerful as a result. An antidote and more.

This was going to be my comment on yesterday's piece:

I agree it’s subversive scheduling: a man desiring to grow breasts after the extremely serious discussion of women surviving breast cancer and breaking the sexist expectation that she must look womanly with two.