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Dr Tanya Byron ignoring gendered violence

(85 Posts)
MrsToddsShortcut Tue 14-Mar-17 10:42:40

Apologies for the paywall, it's The Times. I'm genuinely gobsmacked that Tanya is totally overlooking the bullying a teenage girl is receiving at the hands of a another kid, despite the fact that it's physical assault.

Yes, bullies have issues and yes this child need support, but the poor bullied girl is basically being told to suck up the physical and emotional bullying because the other child's feelings are more important. She's being set up for a lifetime of toxic relationships where she is walked all over, unless the adults in her life help her to recognise that the other child's bullying is absolutely not her responsibility.

I can't believe Tanya Byron gave this advice!

Datun Tue 14-Mar-17 10:58:32

"...your granddaughter provides a safe place in which to project the distress because she is loyal and less likely to abandon her friend, who may also be testing out their female identity against hers."

Good Lord. This takes the bloody biscuit. Nothing about protecting this girl's boundaries, nothing about how she is being bullied and how to tackle it. Paragraph after paragraph about how she needs to shut the fuck up and let the transgirl do it because the transgirl is 'vulnerable'.

humourless Tue 14-Mar-17 10:59:09

Trans not trans, boy/girl whatever.... there's no reason why any child should put up with being bullied.

My daughter is being bullied by a girl in foster care, now whilst we can all see her pathways to bullying and how her self esteem is on the floor it's not my child's place to enable her bullying.

DJBaggySmalls Tue 14-Mar-17 11:07:42

Jaw on floor.
Suck it up women, its going to get a lot worse from here on angry

MrsToddsShortcut Tue 14-Mar-17 11:10:29

Exactly. There is no way Byron would have written this response to a boy. But girls? They exist to hoover up the existential angst of others. Being physically assaulted? Never mind - the other kid has it much worse than you! Just let them get on with it. Help them through!

I am SO angry about this.

TitaniasCloset Tue 14-Mar-17 11:12:32

Oh for fucks sakes. A 15yr old girl is being physically assaulted and verbally abused by a genetic teenage boy and is being told to suck it up and be more understanding. The psychologist uses it as an opportunity to have a rant about transgender and show how with it she is.

Should we just give up now and find a remote island to live on away from society?

Yes it is going to get worse.

CloverCannot Tue 14-Mar-17 11:13:29

I generally read rather than post on here, but having gone to the link, I feel too angry not to say something.

There is no concern for this young girl at all. Nothing. "Strengthen her resilience and reserve"? Yes, she'll need it angry

WrongTrouser Tue 14-Mar-17 11:15:48

TB's response is one of the most chilling things I've read in relation to this issue. Horrifying.

The bullying needs to be understood as coming from a place of vulnerability

nb Anyone who doesn't subscribe to The Times can sign up and read a couple of articles free.

Datun Tue 14-Mar-17 11:18:25

"Your granddaughter needs to be able to depersonalise the comments"

Fuck off with this shit! The very epitome of victim blaming.

TitaniasCloset Tue 14-Mar-17 11:19:29

Once again transgender issues trump any one else's issues.

How about teaching the child who is bullying that its not acceptable and that other teenagers have problems too? Teach some bloody empathy rather than let him use his physical strength and special snowflake status to hurt his friend.

WrongTrouser Tue 14-Mar-17 11:24:08

The whole response is written as if the "friend" is a child, with needs and emotions and deserving of respect and protection from bullying but the girl isn't.

TB even talks about the school needing to look at its policy on bullying to protect the "friend" but doesn't mention how the school can protect the girl from bullying. FFS.

nb I am putting friend in """" as it doesn't sound like friendship as I understand it.

Datun Tue 14-Mar-17 11:24:49

"...for example making fun of our granddaughter’s make-up and pushing her around physically."

Folllwed by:

"...for transgender people may include not respecting the name or pronoun they use, in order to bully and belittle them."

Physically abuse by a boy towards a girl, all fine. Misgendering someone, bullying! (and she wasn't even misgendered, the girl was fully supportive until she was pushed around.)

MaryTheCanary Tue 14-Mar-17 11:29:57

"In the valley of the politically correct, being transgender means never having to say you're sorry." (quoted from memory, but that was the gist....)

Skooba Tue 14-Mar-17 11:32:38

I thought it was pretty wierd and hope the gps ignore it. I get what TB is saying - imv that the transing is making the T behave that way, the girl is a safe place for the T to vent emotions but hard to see that this good for the girl, especially as I don't think TB put any limits on the T's behaviour. She didn't say that if he gets more violent or if it is prolonged that the girl should protect herself ( unless I missed that somewhere).

HumphreyCobblers Tue 14-Mar-17 11:43:46


that is truly terrible

I found her autobiography very strange reading <irrelevant>

Xenophile Tue 14-Mar-17 12:18:41

It's yet another woman saying that women are basically lying about their experiences.

No one has to retain a friendship with someone who is bullying them or harming them. And that should have been TB's bottom line. Not trying to explain away male pattern aggression dressed in a bloody frock.

Yeah, yeah, I know...

QueenOfTheSardines Tue 14-Mar-17 12:23:04

can't read with paywll

is there a place for comments etc

this is all very backlashy isn't it - women and girls - back in your place - your needs and feelings are irrelevant - and abuse violence etc done to you is irrelevant

QueenOfTheSardines Tue 14-Mar-17 12:24:15

This is like maloney "poor me I abused my wife and tried to strangle her, it's all because of my struggles, you should really feel sorry for me" exactly the same

YetAnotherSpartacus Tue 14-Mar-17 12:29:19

Shoot me now. Let's look at the esence of what happened. GP's write in re GD. There was no transphobia, instead they were very accommodating. Pseudo-shrink's entire reply, until the end ignored the grandaughter natal female and was all about the friend natal male. Just how is this different from suck his dick, sweetheart and it will all be OK? In other words, the advice given to women since time immemorial? Fucking bean me up Scotty I've had a fucking nuff.

CaroleService Tue 14-Mar-17 12:32:54

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

zsazsagaboredom Tue 14-Mar-17 12:33:32

sign up for your two free articles!
I promise it's worth it, purely for the not- taking-any-shit no-nonsense responses in the comments.

QueenOfTheSardines Tue 14-Mar-17 12:36:39

Ah good glad there are comments where people are addressign this.

Not sure signing up would be good for my blood pressure :D

WrongTrouser Tue 14-Mar-17 12:50:00

The comments are refreshingly sensible.

YetAnotherSpartacus Tue 14-Mar-17 13:05:05

The comments are wonderful. I hate the phrase, but I think they do actually represent the silent majority.

humourless Tue 14-Mar-17 13:06:59

so the transgender issue totally blinded Tanya Byron to abuse and who was the actual victim. the other problem linked to basically said a woman should be pestered for sex... what is wrong with this woman?

Additionally she seemed to use the "real' letter to spew loads of shit sand organisations who have no qualifications besides lobbying on trans issues.


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