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"one in four women and one in six men suffer domestic abuse in their lifetime"

(31 Posts)
blueandgreendots Tue 08-Mar-16 15:18:17

Taken from the this article:

Surely that quoted statistic cannot be correct?!

blueandgreendots Tue 08-Mar-16 15:19:51

By that I mean, do that many men suffer domestic abuse and I thought that a greater proportion of women than one in four experience it?

BeyondTellsEveryoneRealFacts Tue 08-Mar-16 15:26:18

If its the same quoted stats from the other day...

1) sexual violence is not counted at all
2) it included such gems as including "nagging" (gendered much?) as domestic abuse

UmbongoUnchained Tue 08-Mar-16 15:29:19

Does it include things like emotional abuse and manipulation? Because I can see that probably makes a difference to the stats.

dimots Tue 08-Mar-16 15:31:58

If a man is abused by another man either a gay partner or a father-son relationship that goes on the stats as domestic abuse. As do the cases of men killed or injured by a man because they are present when he beats or kills his female partner. Eg. A father beaten while trying to protect his daughter from abuse. So the stats may be correct, but it would be interesting to know the sex of the perpetrators.

FesterAddams Tue 08-Mar-16 15:32:06

The most comprehensive and detailed stats that I'm aware of are from the CDC in the US, which give higher rates than this for both men and women:

Their numbers for "Any severe physical violence" are roughly in line with the one in four and one in six figure.

BeyondTellsEveryoneRealFacts Tue 08-Mar-16 15:32:27

Also (from memory) i think it was based on incident reporting stats that would count any quantity of injuries/events as one 'incident' if it was at one time. If that makes sense?

hedgehogsdontbite Tue 08-Mar-16 15:33:34

I wonder what the split of offenders is. Are they predominently men regardless of the sex of the victim?

BeyondTellsEveryoneRealFacts Tue 08-Mar-16 15:34:59

Someone linked the raw ONS data on another thread recently

FesterAddams Tue 08-Mar-16 15:48:11

The latest ONS stats are at
There's a linked spreadsheet that gives more detail, but the headline figures are:
Any domestic abuse since age 16: 30.0% of women, 16.3% of men.
Non-sexual: 23.8% of women, 11.1% of men.
Sexual: 19.1% of women, 2.7% of men.

BarefootAcrossHotLegoPieces Wed 09-Mar-16 23:08:54

The ONS figures also include information on violence from another family member, not just partner violence.

Sex of perpetrator isn't captured in ONS stats .

Bumbledumb Thu 10-Mar-16 00:03:55

Why are you all so desperate to rationalise away abuse when the victims are male? There was a thread started last night on AIBU (and continued in Relationships) about daughters who were estranged from their fathers by the father's new partner. The men were variously described as spineless, weak, and totally to blame. Are female victims of domestic abuse also weak and spineless?

It is not easy living with an abusive partner. I know because I have spent the last 10 years in such a relationship. I came really close to phoning the police the other day, but I put the phone down. It doesn't help to see others pretend that it is not happening.

LuisCarol Thu 10-Mar-16 01:19:46

Why are you all so desperate to rationalise away abuse when the victims are male?

Because so very many "sources" are desperate to make abuse non gendered. No one is actually rationalising away any abuse or pretending that no men are ever abused by women, but that does not for a moment mean it is not a gendered issue.

BarefootAcrossHotLegoPieces Thu 10-Mar-16 06:56:40

Sorry to hear you are suffering domestic abuse, Bumbledumb.

This charity may be able to help you:

Grimarse Thu 10-Mar-16 09:12:11

I am not sure women here are desperate to rationalise away domestic violence where men are the victim. It just isn't an issue for feminism. Feminism is by, about and for women. Naturally then, it focuses on women's issues, not men's.

Bumbledumb Thu 10-Mar-16 10:52:37

Thanks Barefoot. Hopefully I will never need it. The abuse has softened over the years, and only tends to flare up occasionally now.

I never let the emotional abuse get to me, as I recognize it for what it is. The physical violence is harder to deal with.

BarefootAcrossHotLegoPieces Thu 10-Mar-16 11:45:28

If you can, I would contact Mankind anyway, so you know what your options are in the event you do want to leave. They can advise on things like saving up an emergency fund, if you are dependent on your girlfriend/boyfriend's income.

turoide Fri 11-Mar-16 11:02:34

feminists don't acknowledge men can be victims of domestic abuse/violence do they?

Grimarse Fri 11-Mar-16 11:09:42

I'd say all of the feminists I have encountered have acknowledged that men can be victims of domestic abuse. However, it really isn't their issue. It's like expecting socialists to be worried about Baron Hardup's leaky roof on his stately home.

BungoWomble Fri 11-Mar-16 14:14:00

Good grief, Bumbledumb, I'm glad it's 'softened' but why stay? There's Women's Aid too and on a less formal note the Relationships boards on Mumsnet have some support threads that may help.

PalmerViolet Fri 11-Mar-16 14:40:08

Welcome to MN turoide. What jolly interesting views you have of the only section you've posted in so far.

Would you also enjoy telling the fine women in AIBU what they think as well? Or are you just going to critique one subject you seem to know zip about?

I'll let my BiL know that I don't acknowledge that men can be victims, shall I? It's going to come as a nasty shock to him I can tell you, given that I patched him up and held his hand while he told me all about it.

Bumbledumb Fri 11-Mar-16 23:11:53

why stay?

Primarily, I'd say because my son needs me in his life. The times when I would curl up in bed at night with the words "tonight you die!" ringing in my ears and wondering if I would wake when she hit me are long past. I have come close to saying enough. Once she lashed out with the bread knife, cut through two jumpers and into my arm. She only caught me with the tip of the blade, so it was not too deep and I did not need stitches. Another time she hit me in the face while I was driving through a tunnel at 50mph causing my eye to bleed, which did require the hospital, but I told them I walked into a door. I still have a scar above the eye where she hit me with a Nokia. Thankfully, incidents like those are now rare.

It annoys me when I see people suggest that a smaller woman cannot physically attack a larger man on the grounds that he is stronger than her. Once she decides to initiate a physical attack, any response from me would only enrage her even more, and the only way I could stop her would be to really hurt her. I can't do that. I won't do that. So I stand my ground and wait for her anger to subside.

It probably sounds awful and it can be, but she can also be really sweet and kind. Our life is not that bad most of the time.

BungoWomble Sat 12-Mar-16 18:14:25

As a child survivor of dysfunctional families, I always say never stay in a bad relationship for the sake of the kds. The kids get damaged too. Sorry to be so blunt but you need to protect yourself and your child. Get hold of that charity Barefoot mentioned, get a record of the violence and abuse, do call the police when it happens and get yourself and child out. "Tonight you die", idle threat or not, is no joke.

I think the emotional abuse may have hit you harder than you realise. I always find physical violence much easier to deal with myself.

BungoWomble Sat 12-Mar-16 18:18:17

That's the Mumsnet emotional abuse support thread. I'm no expert from the parental angle, but if you get records of physical violence going I can't see any court disputing your custody of children.

BungoWomble Sat 12-Mar-16 18:20:28

Or contact social services for help, they can do loads of nuanced interventions nowadays.

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