Anyone want to join the breakup club?

[Herewegoagain22]

So today, my partner of 3 years ended things with me. Deep down I know it was for the best (for both of us) but it doesn’t stop it hurting like hell. There genuinely is no going back. It’s just going through this horrible period of looking for his texts, wondering what he’s up to, missing him in general and generally just feeling lost that I can’t stand

[GotBeatenUp]

It stops hurting. It takes time.

[Itstimetoquit]

It gets better each day op x

[ThisTooShallPassOneDay]

I'm in! Day 8 for me and it is getting a bit easier although today being VD will suck. Sending hugs x

[ThisTooShallPassOneDay]

How are you getting on OP?

[Herewegoagain22]

Hello, thank you for asking @ThisTooShallPassOneDay. I am doing ok. I have my good and bad days but just plodding along. I have been walking lots myself and listening to podcasts which is really helping me. I have received a few breadcrumb texts from him throughout, largely about collecting his stuff and rearranging mail etc, one whilst I am sure he was drinking but I didn’t get a chance to look at the message on WhatsApp as he deleted within minutes of sending it - but it said something about talking (that I did see). But back to no contact. I am trying to move on but it’s hard being stuck in the house on my own with lockdown! Nothing else for it.

How are you doing? I hope you are taking care of yourself!

[MotherHaryy]

Day 6 of breaking up, after 7 years together.

[MotherHaryy]

Oops posted too soon! I hope you guys are doing okay! I've gone completely no contact with him as it was a DV situation, I'm hurting but I know it had to happen:(

[ThisTooShallPassOneDay]

Glad to hear you're doing ok! It's not surprising you had a few texts but it's good you're staying strong and working through this. It's so hard in lockdown but I hope you're managing to take some positives that things are slowly getting back to normal and who knows what the summer will bring.

I'm ok thank you. It's been over 4 weeks since I last had contact so every day is getting easier and the good days are now outweighing the bad. I just need to stop over analysing every little conversation, detail etc and move on. Lots of nice pamper sessions, running and reading are getting me there.

Stay strong and know you're not going through this alone x

[ThisTooShallPassOneDay]

Hey there @MotherHaryy well done you for getting out of there! Stay strong, onwards and upwards for you now! Have you done the Freedom Programme? I started it yesterday and am finding it great x

[Herewegoagain22]

@ThisTooShallPassOneDay I suppose in a way lockdown has been an added bonus as it forces us to sit and work through our feelings, rather than distract ourselves with outside influences.

I’m glad you are having better days now. The analysing part, well, we’re women! That’s what we do. I would be lying if I didn’t have regular (out loud) conversations with myself doing the same thing. I guess it’s all part of the process! Thank you for checking in, it means a lot 😊 x

[Herewegoagain22]

@MotherHaryy thinking about you. It is an extra rough time without adding a DV situation. Look after yourself and we are here if you want to vent, talk or ask questions!

[MotherHaryy]

@Herewegoagain22 @ThisTooShallPassOneDay

Thank you, I didn't realise how lonely I would fell. Like I knew it was the best decision to leave for myself and my baby, and I feel so conflicted because I don't want to be with him anymore but I've had over 400 messages in 3 days. I've just muted him on everything for now and am hoping he goes away :(

I hope you guys are doing well and it can only get easier! We got this!

[ThisTooShallPassOneDay]

@MotherHaryy wow you're doing so well. 400 messages sounds intense especially if you have a baby to look after. It's typical abuser behaviour though. He's lost control of you now and can't stand it. Just remember though, even though you've escaped DV you're at your most vulnerable now so take care. I hope you're safe and have plenty of support around you

[crochetmonkey74]

I'm 9 weeks on from the break up of a 7 year relationship- those early days in jan when they announced the lockdown were truly some of my darkest - I was worried I wouldn't survive it. I bought the Rosie Green book and got therapy and my best friend and sister have been AMAZING
I've struggled as I knew it wasn't right and I had thought about ending the relationship in Sept, but the actual breakup has floored me- I have had a lot of other loss too in a short time (3 Months) so it's genuinely been the worst time I've ever had. BUT , OP slowly and at times literally 30 minutes by 30 minutes, I am starting to recover. I'll have a few good days then the cycle comes round again and yesterday, I spent the day sobbing at work (embarrassing) Don't forget we are doing everything in a pandemic too so it makes it so much harder!
I feel slightly fearful too of everything going back to normal- as it will mean that it is all real and we have moved on. God , typing it all out makes me realise how bloody traumatised I am!

[Changeychange1]

Can I just tell you all, I am years down the line. I was devastated, never thought I’d get over it, but now I’m happier than I’ve ever been. My current DP is the most wonderful man and I absolutely adore him. On reflection, I have no idea what I saw in the ex, he was a gigantic cockwomble

[crochetmonkey74]

@Changeychange1

Can I just tell you all, I am years down the line. I was devastated, never thought I’d get over it, but now I’m happier than I’ve ever been. My current DP is the most wonderful man and I absolutely adore him. On reflection, I have no idea what I saw in the ex, he was a gigantic cockwomble

This is so great to know- I am 46 and at that point where I just think I am NEVER going to meet anyone else- and that I am just going to be lonely forever

[Herewegoagain22]

@MotherHaryy @crochetmonkey74

There is nothing lonelier than a break up. I think when it first happens friends and family rally round for a short period of time, then that all stops and you’re left with the aftermath yourself. I felt quite let down by my closest friends, it was like they supported me for a day and then never checked in again. I’ve learned a lot about myself during this period. I am very lonely, but I knew it was the right decision for us not to be together and I am starting to enjoy my own company.

NC is the best way to move forward, you don’t need anyone bombarding you with messages when you are sorting yourself out. Having good days and then a bad day that sets you back is totally normal (albeit frustrating). We’re all in this together ☺️

[crochetmonkey74]

Herewegoagain I agree- one of my best friends has literally not bothered to check in with me. Now I am a few weeks on, I can cope a bit better , and I am not a person normally prone to drama or needing support etc, in fact I am normally the 'coper' from my group - but at the time I felt totally abandoned- and it was another loss. I think it will change our relationship permanently- it's true that adversity shows you who your friends are!

[GentlemanJay]

[quote MotherHaryy]**@Herewegoagain22* @ThisTooShallPassOneDay*

Thank you, I didn't realise how lonely I would fell. Like I knew it was the best decision to leave for myself and my baby, and I feel so conflicted because I don't want to be with him anymore but I've had over 400 messages in 3 days. I've just muted him on everything for now and am hoping he goes away :(

I hope you guys are doing well and it can only get easier! We got this![/quote]
400. If someone told me they wanted to break up I would obviously talk to them. Thank them for the amazing memories, and then?


I'd leave them to it. No messaging them.

[Ofalltheginjoints]

Day 6 of my breakup and still spending most of my time trying not to cry, exDP moving out on Monday and I’m so scared about the future, never thought it would come to this but it has and it is probably for the best but it still really hurts

[crochetmonkey74]

gin In know the pain- it's awful isn't it- there's nothing like it.

I am at the point where the smallest thing I remember about him (the way his hair curled, the feel of the nape of his neck) make my stomach flip and the tears come. It's like grieving but worse as societally it is 'just' a break up

[Ofalltheginjoints]

@crochetmonkey74 yeah “just a break up” not years of a life together or hopes and dreams for the future that now won’t happen, it’s like grieving for the life you could’ve had.

It’s hard when your a coper by nature isn’t it? People don’t see that actually you do need support

[crochetmonkey74]

Ofalltheginjoints Yes and all the secondary losses, his family, friends , new financial set up, home looks totally different with his things gone, all coping mechanisms curtailed because of pandemic etc

very hard and also, I think I have scared myself with how dark I felt at times- which no one would expect of a person who always copes

[ThisTooShallPassOneDay]

@Ofalltheginjoints and @crochetmonkey74 completely! The loss of the relationship is hard, but it is absolutely all the hopes and dreams and plans that hurt just as much. I don't know what to say to make it better but time does heal and the good days eventually outweigh the bad. And you are not alone.

I am 37 this year and worry that I'm never going to meet someone and that I'll be lonely forever. The thought of putting myself out there again is just terrifying x

[Rodeodown]

Hi ladies, my oh left me in early Jan after 12 years and I also genuinely believed I wouldn't survive. I have a few good days and some horrendous (still). He has behaved horrifically towards me, but I still miss every inch of him. I've been sleeping alone for 10 weeks now and it is barely getting easier. I just want someone to talk to in the evenings. We were together since I was 16 so I know nothing but him in my adult life. Would love to join you all in trying to muddle through together.