Talk

Advanced search

30 days no contact - anyone want to join me or handhold

(93 Posts)
Stealthynamechange Sun 13-Sep-20 16:54:52

hi everyone, after the massively helpful advice on my previous thread, (dp needs space) im now going to try not to contact ex dp for 30 days....
Ive deleted his number & asked him not to message me - this morning he messaged & im struggling.
The pain is very physical & real.
Anyone in same position? Or any tips?
Ive got a blackboard on my wall & ive writen myself a reminder not to message him.

OP’s posts: |
PuertoVallarta Sun 13-Sep-20 17:21:16

I will join you.

Though in my case I think I may have been blocked because two days ago I sent a text about a large sum of money I owe him and it has not been read yet.

whenitsallgoingsowell Sun 13-Sep-20 17:41:53

I'll join. I'm 4 weeks in and need to sustain. I need to block him next off WhatsApp and also block Facebook so I can't look at his profile.

Can you block him so you can't receive his messages?

Stealthynamechange Sun 13-Sep-20 18:53:51

Hi both,

Thanks for the company

@PuertoVallarta oh no! Do you think it will be any easier if you are blocked?

@whenitsallgoingsowell i just cant bring myself to block him yet, it was really difficult deleting him.
Now is a hard time for me, id usually message to let him know how handover with ds dad was & be on my way to his - first night completely alone for a long time 😭

OP’s posts: |
Dollyrocket Sun 13-Sep-20 18:55:46

Ladies, you’ve got this 💪🏼flowers

Stealthynamechange Sun 13-Sep-20 19:02:53

Thanks @Dollyrocket solidarity is much needed

OP’s posts: |
AramintaLee Sun 13-Sep-20 19:33:30

Life has gotten so much more difficult in the day and age of WhatsApp, texting, social media... I'm sure no contact was easier before all these things.

Anyway, good luck ladies. Remember you'll get through this and come out the other side stronger and probably wondering what you ever saw in him.

fuandylp Sun 13-Sep-20 20:17:16

When I wanted to do this I printed off a calendar from the internet (for 90 days). I stuck it on the fridge and marked off each day.
As extra incentive I chose 3 treats and marked them on the calendar at 30 days, 60 days and 90 days. They were nice treats - one of them was clothes shopping and the other two were days out to places I had always wanted to go.
So you could do something like that - perhaps after 15 days and 30 days. You only get the treat if you don't contact him so try to make it something that will really motivate you.

HomeFree55 Sun 13-Sep-20 21:46:41

Can I join?

Ex and I have 3 children so I can't go stone cold, but I can take some responsibility in not talking to him about anything non contact related.

We've been separated on and off (with him seeing other people in between!) for 18 months now and still I seem to be hanging on. It's a bit embarrassing to write that out really. I do feel ready to start taking some control over this now!

Stealthynamechange Mon 14-Sep-20 07:48:09

@HomeFree55 welcome, you can totally do this, you deserve so much better than to be kept dangling.
@fuandylp thats a good tip thank you!

Well i broke already 🤦‍♀️ i found out last night he was with another woman, the same weekend as we split, so i got his number back & ranted abit at him on whatsapp, im still livid, ive deleted & blocked now.
Hoping i can stay angry for a bit to get me out of the habit of messaging him.

OP’s posts: |
Boopthesnoot1 Mon 14-Sep-20 08:45:50

While it might seem they are going to live happily ever after, I think if that student of his will end up using him as a rebound. He'll probably end up alone and sorry for himself.

You got this ladies, my recommendation is if you don't do already, get on to the computer games. Something like Stardew Valley will suck up hours or your time and super fun.

fuandylp Mon 14-Sep-20 09:04:43

Well i broke already 🤦‍♀️ i found out last night he was with another woman, the same weekend as we split, so i got his number back & ranted abit at him on whatsapp, im still livid, ive deleted & blocked now.

What a knob he is. You're worth way more than that. Start your 30 days again today. Have you thought of something you could treat yourself to as a reward?

TwentyViginti Mon 14-Sep-20 09:09:52

When I've blocked and deleted a number, I find the number stays on my WhatsApp. Don't know how to delete it from there. Android phone.

Gilda152 Mon 14-Sep-20 09:14:08

OP not mixing your threads but of course he was with her this weekend that's what he needed the 'space' for 😠 the trouble with no contact is every time you break it the 30 day clock resets. It usually takes most people a few false starts (it did me) then you realise you really are only hurting yourself. Let today be day 1 and stick to it. If you do I can almost guarantee you that at some point in the not too distant future he will have a wobble and try to be in touch and I almost guarantee you that you won't want him because your dignity and self respect will have been restored beyond putting up with this treatment. But to get there you have to be strong first.

edwinbear Mon 14-Sep-20 10:30:34

Can I join please? I'm currently on Day 13, after he cancelled plans again, only this time, he didn't bother to let me know he was cancelling. This was the last time he gets to blow me out. I finally got hold of him a week later, to be told 'sorry I had a nervous breakdown' - although I saw he was perfectly able to wish his mate a cheery 'Happy Birthday' message on FB.

We've spent the last 12 months in a cycle of him blowing hot and cold, he'll be amazing for a couple of weeks, then go off in a sulk for a couple of weeks and ignore me for absolutely no reason. I'm so exhausted with the drama, but it's a bit addictive.

HomeFree55 Mon 14-Sep-20 13:21:12

That would have broken me too, just start again from today and try to remember he doesn't deserve your energy.

I have had contact today, but it was initiated by him about contact with the children, I kept all the conversation to that, so I think I can still tick the day off later (....assuming I make t to midnight haha)

Princesspolly Mon 14-Sep-20 13:33:33

I want to join this but how do I do it with kids? Obviously I need to arrange him seeing them and they generally FaceTime him every night before bed 😬.
My husband left our marital home 2 weeks ago to stay with his new “girlfriend” who he’s apparently been with for 5 months! I found out about it 3 weeks ago and he said he wanted to “try”, wanted to renew his vows to me and have another baby etc, then a week later he’s out the door. Since then he’s been so angry and horrible, to me I’ve no idea who he is right now

Lonelynow Mon 14-Sep-20 19:51:07

I'll join! Its been over a month for me since he walked out completely out the blue. He left for a younger woman at work, but used the whole I love you but I'm not in love anymore card hmm. They're apparently over already though but I don't believe that.

I've begged, cried and made a total fool of myself but after 2 suicide attempts and him speaking to me like crap I'm finally done. Starting to think he may be a narcissist but I'll never know. Doesn't help that he still contacts me or pops in every day so now it's time for me to take back control. I'm just prolonging my pain this way.

I've booked 5 nights away in a hotel so he can't just pop round, blocked his number and social media. It hasn't even been 24 hours and he's already tried to contact me several times and was knocking at the door an hour ago but I have to stay strong. I wish my phone didn't tell me when a blocked number tries to contact you.

Changed my lockscreen and wallpaper to a reminder not to text him, downloaded a countdown app to watch the days go by. Started a new series and just generally trying to stay busy.

If you're on Instagram checkout Thecrimsonkiss, I've downloaded her books and am finding them hugely helpful. We can and will do this ladies!

Lonelynow Mon 14-Sep-20 21:08:28

@stealthynamechange. I've just checked out your other thread. He really does sound like he was stringing you along and you've definitely done the right thing. Please don't beat yourself up about allowing him to meet your son, you weren't to know he would turn out to be such an arse and your son has you and will have forgotten about him in no time.

My partner and I had been together 10 years and I was completely blindsided by this and whilst he hasn't said he's unsure and may come back, he has played with my emotions quite a bit and I think enjoyed having 2 woman on the go. I have a thread on here about it, titled left for another woman. Although i have name changed today.
Already struggling not to text him, but I know every day it'll get a little easier. It's my 30th very soon and I just know he won't even text me and that will be difficult. I'm very lucky the flat is in my name and we have no kids together, just cats.

carreterra Mon 14-Sep-20 21:35:51

OP, i envy you going no contact, i'm stuck with the Hen Fwll (that's Welsh for Old Fool) until this house is sold, even though we split in June. Have you written a Twit List yet ? The phrase has an earlier vowel, but can't bring myself to write the real word! All the things which irritate you, you need to record, go cold turkey, and Time will deal with your feelings, as other have said, after a period of time had elapsed, you will wonder what you saw in him. Your'e doing so well already, we've all been there, the only way is up !!

MiaGracie Mon 14-Sep-20 23:40:44

@Stealthynamechange I've been 9 months NC and we spent nearly everyday together.
I was lucky as I have a NON MOL so it helps that he can't legally even tho he still tried.

He decided that it also included going Nc with our ds to but hey ho.

It's tough at first but you just have to keep thinking of the bad things and the feeling of the bad times! That is the most important part, not just what they did but how it feels.

It gets easier and then you have a few bad days but you recognise them for what they are, grief losing someone you loved.
Again that's important- LOVED not habit because that's what bad relationships become habits your use to.

Even when my ex popped up on tinder and then bumble 6 months later I wasn't hurt or upset, I was like ' that fool is looking for hook ups but not paying child support 🤦🏽‍♀️ plus he's dangerous to the women, how don't realise he stalks and love bombs every women he's dated.

I found that part to late.

Fill your time, get tik tok and watch it, knit 🧶 change you pattern as much as you can so your not repeating how you would be with them and you will be just fine.

You are a strong women who deserve a good relationships

Stealthynamechange Tue 15-Sep-20 07:12:27

Hi everyone :-)

How are we all today? Im feeling so much stronger today 💪i deleted our chat history on whatsapp last night - nearly broke out in a cold sweat but feel so much better for doing it!

@TwentyViginti on my phone now ive deleted our chat as well as his contact details in my phone book his number no longer shows on whatsapp, im also on android. Might be worth a try?

I think these men are habits we need to break, we can absolutely do this!

OP’s posts: |
biggirlpantstimeforchange Tue 15-Sep-20 07:35:07

I will be three weeks no contact tomorrow after a 2 yr relationship. Well I would have been until yesterday. Yesterday I was bombarded with voicemails and calls from a withheld number. Emails too. I have and responded with 2 emails, not engaging with his pleading to talk, I told him I have nothing to say.

He is a textbook narcissist. I fell for him so hard. This love bombing is fake and another tool for abuse and head fuckery. I’m reminding myself so I do not fall for his ‘I want to love you and be with you for the rest of my life’ nonsense.

Why do they make it so hard?

Stay strong, we’ve got this!

Lonelynow Tue 15-Sep-20 08:35:47

I've failed already sad. But have reset my timer and starting fresh from today. Really annoyed with myself but he was ringing and texting at midnight and I was worried 🙄. Wish I hadn't answered now as he was just drunk again, claiming he was going to sleep in a bus stop hmm. He's never been a drinker before but seems to be drunk constantly, you'd think he was the one who was cheated on and abandoned angry
Not my problem anymore I guesse. Lesson learned, I wish I could turn of notifications for blocked calls and messages.

Glad you're feeling positive today @stealthynamechange.

edwinbear Tue 15-Sep-20 09:15:16

Morning all @Stealthynamechange well done for deleting the chat history, that must have been hard but definitely the right thing to do.

I'm 2 weeks today and really should do the same, but don't feel ready. 2 weeks is about the time he usually comes out of his man cave, so I'm bracing myself for a message over the next couple of days. This is the longest we've been without me fawning over him, asking if he's OK, sending meme's to try and rally him out of it etc. He'll be realising about now that I'm done this time.

Join the discussion

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet

Already have a Mumsnet account? Log in