30 days no contact - anyone want to join me or handhold

[Stealthynamechange]

hi everyone, after the massively helpful advice on my previous thread, (dp needs space) im now going to try not to contact ex dp for 30 days....
Ive deleted his number & asked him not to message me - this morning he messaged & im struggling.
The pain is very physical & real.
Anyone in same position? Or any tips?
Ive got a blackboard on my wall & ive writen myself a reminder not to message him.

[seensome]

Op he sounds like he's playing you both, I would aim for never again contact. Him wanting space to see the ow and then come back when he's had enough of her, he wants to play the field, don't allow him to do that to you. Everyones different but perhaps talking and dating other men will help you move on.

[DustyMuse]

Good morning all!

I went NC August 10th after a two and a half year toxic relationship. He said something on the 9th which really was the last straw. I picked my self-worth off the ground, went on holiday with my DC and successfully remained NC despite his incessant messages and calls.

Last Saturday, 34 days in, I answered his third call of the day out of exasperation, also because I was feeling angry with him. The conversation we had might have further endorsed my decision to finish our relationship but it REALLY set me back emotionally.

Breaking NC, even if just responding to non-stop contact on their part, is a very bad idea. I felt the hurt and so many other feelings again. So now, lesson learnt, I won't be responding anymore.

[edwinbear]

@NeedtogoNC try changing your Whatsapp privacy settings so that 'Last Seen' is 'Nobody'. That way, you won't be able to see when he was last active. You'll still be able to see if he's online the same time you are, but should help with the endless status checking.

@DustyMuse if I get a message in the next couple of days as expected, I will read your post before responding! I'm tired of thinking about him all day, it's exhausting, I wouldn't want to go back to square 1.

[DustyMuse]

edwinbear, the problem is that, speaking for myself, there's an overpowering tendency to remember the good in the relationship rather than everything which wasn't. I have tried to go NC in the past, was successful, until he would reach out and then I would cave. This time my head, heart and body are all in agreement.

Truly I was feeling really good about myself during NC. So much better than when I was in a relationship with him. This weekend I felt the self-doubt creeping back in after having spoken to him.

NC really is the only way to go. I have read that time and time again on Mumsnet. Now I fully understand the wisdom.

[Dontletitbeyou]

@Lonelynow
Are you not able to turn off notifications from a blocked number .
I have blocked people in the past and I know they have tried to get in touch but I received no notifications at all . Have you looked at your settings options x

[Limeandlemon]

I read your other thread op and I really got the impression this guy wants to play the field with the ow but wants you dangling on his line just incase the grass isn’t greener and he wants to come back. Fuck that!
I had to go no contact with an ex who is also a work colleague! Can I just say though that it’s been 9 months of no contact for me and counting....it’s going to be so hard and you will get urges all the time to message him and you will plan things in your head you wanna day and convince yourself you need to send it but please don’t.
Just think to yourself what would a woman with total respect for herself do (by the way I think you do have self respect, you are a prize!)
I would go do things you love, do new things, make time for friends, go out, and distract yourself as much as possible. It’s going to take a long time, it will.
You deserve better and you can never have a normal relationship with him ever again.
Think about the kind of bloke you want to meet. Loyal, devoted.
You got this!

[whenitsallgoingsowell]

Well done for deleting WhatsApp!! @stealthynamechange

I still haven't done it. I'd archived our chat and when I went to do at the weekend he'd updated his picture and he was clearly out out in one of "date" outfits, new haircut etc. Really hurt. I'm still no direct contact but this next step is tricky. I hate and love social media and messaging apps in equal measure!!

I've been thinking about dating again as had a couple of offers but feels wrong to do that when I have feelings for someone else. Some company and attention would be amazing though!

[Stealthynamechange]

Hi everyone, i have found today so much easier - i really hope that continues!
For all those status checking i was driving myself nuts with this, now hes totally deleted I literally can't 😂 I sent his number to my friend incase I did actually need to speak to him, (as we were ttc 🤦‍♀️) it was REALLY hard watching the chat delete but so much better for it today. We are both in the same small profession, although different areas, so theres a good chance I will see him again.

@limeandlemon thank you for your lovely message, definitely deserve better than that fuckwit! I hope things are easier for you now? It must be hard being colleagues.

Stay strong everyone!

[mydogishungry]

I recently started a thread about my ex contacting me after almost 2 years no contact. I had blocked him but changed phones and this new phone somehow let the message through. I have been able to ignore it and although it set me back a bit l have been fine. It just goes to show though that they always come back. Just keep this in mind when you're feeling terrible. I find that thought helps me. You just have to hope that by the time they pop up again you have truly moved on, can shrug your shoulders and forget about it. Good luck and keep going. It gets easier the longer into it you are.

[Cherrygirl3]

I'll join you, feeling quite pleased with myself as NC since 1st August. Many false starts this year. @mydogishungry that is spot on, and what I'm hoping....that when he pops up again I'll have moved on and be able to ignore.

[Stealthynamechange]

Hi everyone, how are we all doing?
Im really struggling tonight, not sure why 😢

[catsareme14]

I did 21 long hard days then bumped into him in Asda car park . Shattered my hard fought for tiny sliver of equilibrium. Starting again , hell .

[edwinbear]

Well, I’d expected him to have messaged by now (day 17), but not a word and I feel sad about that. It’s obviously a good thing and I don’t feel the urge to contact him thank God, but the rejection hurts. It’s proof he really didn’t give a fuck.

[catsareme14]

See above message about Asda car park . Went out shopping in local town today & saw him again . He asked how I was . Totally distraught & in bed crying (again !)

[edwinbear]

@catsareme14 that sounds so hard and so unlucky to bump into him twice. Can you shop somewhere else for a bit? Did you hold it together with him though?

[catsareme14]

E*dwinbear

• Yes I held it together & was also wearing a mask & sunglasses so the shock will not have been evident . I live in a small town & even worse live one street away from him . Nightmare scenario. Drinking tea & thankful for your handhold x

[edwinbear]

Well done, I'll bet he feels like crap seeing that on the face of it, you're not phased by him at all. He doesn't need to know what goes on behind closed doors

[Stealthynamechange]

@catsareme14 that sounds like a really difficult situation, you are getting stronger by the day. Well done for not letting your pain show.

I find night times the worst after ds has gone to sleep. My friend messaged him today for me to get my things back, hes bringing them round whilst im out with ds. It will get easier, we can do this

[catsareme14]

*@Stealthynamechange * struggling with night time too , I'm frightened to sleep because the waking up is so painful . I've also become nervous of going out now . Hope this gets easier , the need to message is so strong . I'm literally taking it one half hour at a time . I know I can do this , I'm resilient & determined.

[PinkPosyPetals]

OP.

You need to realise and tell yourself it’s over.
Forget the 30 days rubbish

He is seeing other people.
He doesn’t want to be back together in a month.

Unless you admit this to yourself, now, no matter how hard it is, is just going to prolong the agony.

And it is real agony, a bereavement, for what might have been.

Forget rying to conceive with him, he’s seeing other people.

This isn’t a separation, he’s left.

[PinkPosyPetals]

We’ve all been here to be honest, you’ll get the angry stage, then eventually not worry.

Happy music, happy TV programmes. Nothing miserable around you

[Stealthynamechange]

Thanks, i definitely don't want him back, i woke up livid on monday! I just want to move on with my life. I do have the fear that i'll be alone forever & miss what i thought we had, but that was not real. Im not miserable but find evenings difficult at the min. Its breaking a habit.

[PinkPosyPetals]

Best of luck 😀
You’ll be fine...

[IJustWantSomeBees]

Good luck OP, you can do this!

[Suzyseis]

How you doing @Stealthynamechange? Fridays are hard eh? I’m struggling today and we didn’t even have a relationship really!