30 days no contact - anyone want to join me or handhold

[Stealthynamechange]

hi everyone, after the massively helpful advice on my previous thread, (dp needs space) im now going to try not to contact ex dp for 30 days....
Ive deleted his number & asked him not to message me - this morning he messaged & im struggling.
The pain is very physical & real.
Anyone in same position? Or any tips?
Ive got a blackboard on my wall & ive writen myself a reminder not to message him.

hi @Suzyseis im finding it tough in the evenings, my ds is in bed & i miss my exs company. Weekday Daytimes are loads better - i think because i can go out, ive got work, im now trapped in the house. Weekends are hard as we spent them together, i find ds a challenge on my own 🤦‍♀️

Oh I’m so sorry. Can you make your self something delicious and watch something to escape?
I’m no help really as feeling sorry for myself today. But it WILL get easier xxx

Joining as of tomorrow ☹️☹️☹️ dreading it, I struggle to go a few hours without having the itch to text him. Urrgghhh

It WILL get easier, im so glad i deleted him otherwise i would have messaged 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

I was dumped last week by a man I really loved and I thought loved me too. Two and a half years. Did not see it coming. He’s just not feeling ‘it’ anymore. We had not been seeing much of each other in recent times due to the virus/work. He seemed just as upset as I was to break up, yet he still did it and no word since between either of us. So I’m 8 days into no contact, whether I like it or not. I miss him terribly, and dreading tomorrow as I have no work to keep me occupied. Despite my better judgement, I keep hoping he’ll come back and say he’s made a terrible mistake. On the other hand I know that in time, I will be ok without him. I’m in my late 30s, and this is not my first heartbreak, so I know how it goes, doesn’t stop it hurting though eh.

Oh @Clara2000 i'm sorry, have you got good support around you? Im struggling more at night, i suck at being alone. Ive started writing a journal, with everything i want to say to him, thats helping i think! I hope it isnt prolonging my pain. If i hadn't deleted him i would have definitely caved by now. It's really hard knowing hes already moved on 😢 we will get there.

My day 1 of no contact is done 😬😬 feels silly to be proud of myself but it's felt like a long slog

I'm in too. I've deleted and blocked him everywhere and deleted all chat historys. The only way he can contact me now is via mutual friends (I will block anyone who tries to be his messenger) or by coming to my house, which he won't as I have two BIG Sons!! Sending love and strength to all of you.

I have a suggestion that may help, for those of you who are really struggling not to text your former partners, especially in the evenings. Do you still remember your first mobile phone number? Or you could buy a cheap old mobile phone from eBay, with a £10 payg sim in it. Every time you want to text him, jst send the text to your old mobile number (hopefully it's obselete) or a cheap mobile, with your nickname for him on the contact list ?

How is everyone getting on?
I stupidly hadn’t blocked on Facebook (we went to school together and have been ‘friends’ on there for 12+ years) and if I’m 100% honest with myself I didn't block so I could see his picture and occasional Instagram posts (as have unfollowed and deleted his number) I never intended to message him, I’m determined not to...Until today When I saw he has unfriended me on Facebook and all my emotions have come flooding back! I’m in tears and really really want to message to say there was no need to unfriend me, I was never going to get in touch. It feels so hurtful. Urgh I hate this

Someone talk me down from messaging him please?! I so want to say there was no need for him to unfriend me, I wasn’t going g to contact him. It feels so hurtful, out of the blue.

I’m going to say:
There was no need to unfriend me xxx, I know the status-quo and had no intention of contacting you - and then block
Is this ok?

My golden rule is never message on the same day you have the idea. ALWAYS make yourself wait until the next day. It gives you space to think about the turmoil you are feeling.

Please wait until tomorrow. Sleep on it. You know if you act in haste you'll have plenty of time to regret it.

I know you’re right, I am just so tempted. But yes- will try to wait

He has done you a massive favour. It might not feel like it, but looking at his posts is such a harmful thing for you to be doing to yourself. If you were never going to unfriend him, then the only way you could move towards a final healing was for him to unfriend you. Thank goodness he's done it. You'll look back in time and be grateful for this. There's nothing to be gained from messaging him, it will only cause you more turmoil. Take care of yourself .

Thank you 😊

@Suzyseis

Dont message.
It took me a lot of therapy to learn that when i messaged people in a similar way that i was giving all the power back to them and opening myself back up to hurt (think how it would feel if he just read and didnt respond or the response was shite). Everytime we reach out, we hope they will reapond differently, but there is message that can change them or get what we need from them. It doesnt matter how witty, well written or heartfelt the message

*Isnt a message

Thank you @Gatr that’s a really helpful perspective. -I didn’t message, I’m relieved I didn’t. It’s just painful

Morning how are you all ??
I’m currently in a similar situation , I asked Dh to leave on Sunday ... long story but he wasn’t pulling his weight

Ended up in a huge argument and I told him to go to his mums

I’m assuming he’s annoyed as he must have blocked me on WhatsApp ( no photo showing )

I’m struggling tho it’s been almost a week and not a peep from him . We have 3 dc and he’s only messaged 2 of them on wed and Thursday .

Any advice to stay strong , I’m a mess , lost weight can’t sleep keep crying . It’s the whole not knowing what’s going on . This is my life and I can’t even control it

Xx

Please may I join even though I brought the situation on myself by doing something stupid years ago which he can’t get past. He finally ended it so this is day one. I am still in complete shock as it is out of the blue.

Very very sad today and really struggling.

For anyone with kids- agree contact via email only and set it up to be a regular thing at set times. Like appointments or classes are- routine and structured.
So Monday Wednesday Friday- 4.30-7.30 and Sunday 12-6
Then there is no blurring of boundaries and “need to contact” via personal messages. It’s healthier all round.
Go ladies- you’ve got this! 💪🏻

I feel like if I contact him regarding kids I’m forcing it on him .... surely if he wanted to see dc he fouls have contacted me ?

Please tell me if I’m wrong or what to do as I’m struggling ?
X

Ribbon86 He's punishing you. These don't pull their weight types usually don't care if they hurt the DC in the process.

TwentyViginti It’s working .... bloody making toast crying like a 5 year old . I’m annoyed that I can’t be strong