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Relationships

I am so very confused, and panicked

101 replies

BoggledBudgie · 14/07/2020 18:42

I think this will possibly be long, I apologise in advance.

I have been with DP for around 9 years now, we have a young DS together and I have 2 DC from a previous relationship, he has 1 DC from his previous relationship too.

We don’t live together, we never have. He has made excuse after excuse over the years, they’ve always seemed like good reasons at the time - his ex is batshit, would stop him having access if she found out he was in a relationship, would warp his child’s head against him etc. He stayed over regularly, though we never really did anything but stay in the house. I’ve never met his family (he says he’s estranged from them due to an abusive childhood, which I 100% understand as mine wasn’t all that great either and I’m low contact). We had a contraceptive failure and I couldn’t face a termination. I fully respect other women’s decisions when it comes to whether they terminate but I couldn’t go through with one, I considered it for weeks and spoke to my doctor about it but I couldn’t do it. We talked about him moving in but he was so scared of losing contact with his first child that I didn’t push it.

Once our DS came along I was left to go through labour and birth alone and do absolutely everything myself. I was out of the hospital less than 12hrs after giving birth and cooking myself dinner, caring for my older children and a newborn alone. DP stopped staying over and I ended up with PND and perinatal OCD.

It’s been almost 3 years since we had DS now and DP is a good dad to him, he loves him and visits often through the week and always spends one day at the weekend with us.

I am really really unhappy though, I feel so rejected and unworthy. I feel like I’m good enough to have sex with but not good enough to admit he’s in a relationship with. He’s definitely not with anyone else and I am 100% not the other woman - this is the only thing I know for sure.

I’ve tried bringing up how unhappy I am to him, I’ve asked for a timeframe for him to commit to us but he won’t give one. There’s always the reason of his DC and his ex being nasty enough to stop contact. He said me being unhappy and feeling worthless and alone is all his fault then stopped talking to me. I told him I wasn’t saying it was his fault, it’s just how I’m feeling lately, but he said he’s got nothing to say and that’s that.

I’m sat having a panic attack over it. I know I’ve brought up being unhappy a few times in the last couple of months, but it’s because I’ve been really unwell and needed hospital treatment but he refused to watch DS so I wasn’t able to go in, I had to discharge myself and it was the last straw for me mentally. It always ends up me feeling like I am an awful person for feeling this way, I always have to apologise or he’ll stay cold and distant and end up depressed because I’ve hurt him by saying that I’m unhappy. It’s been this way our entire relationship and I feel so lost and confused and panicky all of the time now.

I’m sorry if that’s all one big ramble, my head is just not making sense to me right now

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RandomMess · 14/07/2020 18:46

I wouldn't even be convinced he is single tbh

You could be the OW or he could have other relationships.

He has no intention of committing to you ever because he is having his cake and eating it. Taking what he wants from having a relationship/family with you as and when suits.

You need to end it and cut contact. He can have DS EOW but no more setting foot in your house.

You deserve so much better