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Crush getting out of control...

(87 Posts)
angelofmum Tue 09-Jun-20 14:26:00

I'm finding lockdown really hard as I imagine a lot of people are. There are benefits to it like DH working from home (although he is very busy) and we've had some good times together as a family. However, as time is going on and things are looking even more uncertain especially with schools going back (I have 3 young DC) I find myself feeling an overwhelming sense of despair.
To cut to the chase I've had a harmless crush on a married dad I know for a few years. He lives on my road, so to distract myself from my negative thoughts I've found myself thinking about him more and more. I guess escaping reality for fantasy is more appealing. Now I'm thinking about him all the time and hoping I bump into him for a chat, and when I don't I feel so disappointed. It literally makes my day if I do as otherwise I'm stuck in and it's full on with kids/homeschooling, which isn't exactly riveting.
I know in normal circumstances I wouldn't be like this but lockdown has made me want some excitement. DH works long hours and is tired after working so doesn't have much time for me. I've brought this up with him and he knows it's something he needs to work on.
How do you get over a crush like this? I feel like my crush on this guy is one of the only things making me feel alive at the moment.

OP’s posts: |
whenitalkaboutsexnobodylistens Tue 09-Jun-20 15:27:54

Be careful. This happened to me. I'm 18 months into an affair.

angelofmum Tue 09-Jun-20 16:47:55

@whenitalkaboutsexnobodylistens I don't know if it's reciprocated... I've known him for years but he hasn't ever made a move

OP’s posts: |
Sugartitss Tue 09-Jun-20 17:06:23

You’ll only have an affair if you want to op. It’s not like you’ll be walking down the road, trip and suddenly fall into one.

Turn your attention to your husband, what’s he doing to spend more time with you?

The crush will pass.

SanityDecreasing Tue 09-Jun-20 17:22:52

OP, it sounds like you're already completely aware of the reasons your crush has suddenly got more intense and that's a good thing.

Do you want to have an affair?... Not, do you want to kiss him, rip his clothes off etc. I think that's a given, but then what?

Imagine the aftermath.

Crushes are never based on much reality. It's pure fantasy. You won't be fantasising about the more realistic version of him.

There is no magic potion to get rid of this. Only time and your own willpower.

TheVanguardSix Tue 09-Jun-20 17:26:40

Can you focus on returning to work? I know, pretty unrealistic in lockdown and with 3 small children. But I wonder if you're very bored with your life and need to do something that is exclusively for you and stimulating in a positive away. I think it's really worth thinking about.

whenitalkaboutsexnobodylistens Tue 09-Jun-20 18:24:28

@angelofmum

Same for me - I knew my affair partner for years, lots of "hi, how are you?" over the years.... then out of nowhere, I saw him in a new light. I decided to push the interactions further and it just seemed to blossom. I pursued him, and he didn't resist.

angelofmum Tue 09-Jun-20 19:05:35

Thank you so much for your understanding. Things with DH could be better... being in lockdown 24/7 isn't ideal for a relationship. DH has had a low mood, low libido and low everything since this situation has happened with lockdown. He's in a high pressured job and still working long hours at home. He does his best with the kids but I come after them in the pecking order of his time and effort.
I really like this other guy but I know in reality it wouldn't happen. I barely see him now but always wanting a glimpse of him. I do think about being with him and wonder what would happen if he ever made a move on me (honestly I don't think he would knowing him). On Friday I added him on FB and he's not accepted the request which put me on a downward spiral. I get not everyone is on FB all the time but we have quite a few mutual friends in common.
I miss feeling desired, the excitement and thrill in life you get from meeting someone. I'm in my mid 30's and feel like that's it for me now. I am interested in starting work when my youngest goes to nursery, as I know it's important I have something for myself.

OP’s posts: |
angelofmum Tue 09-Jun-20 19:07:49

@whenitalkaboutsexnobodylistens how did you know your AP liked you? Did he give you signs he was interested after all those years of just chatting? I definitely think there's a spark with this guy, but I think I've made it more obvious that I like him rather than the other way round

OP’s posts: |
HatRack Tue 09-Jun-20 19:18:06

Hmmm the Facebook rejection is a sting. Do you think he suspects that you have a crush?

angelofmum Tue 09-Jun-20 19:31:14

He's not big on social media from what I know of him so I'm holding out hope he hasn't been on it or seen the request as he may not have notifications on. Or like you say maybe he's not added me intentionally. I was thinking of cancelling the request but should I just leave it? I think he does know I like him... he has given me mixed signals over the years though which made me think it wasn't one sided. He has blown a bit hot and cold😞

OP’s posts: |
1forAll74 Tue 09-Jun-20 19:32:04

I wouldn't push anything now, if it's just a fantasy, and lock down blues. You would have a lot to lose embarking on an affair. And do you know anything about this other mans home life at all..

Fizzysours Tue 09-Jun-20 19:40:22

Stop wondering if he likes you....PLEASE believe me...affairs are awful. For the person having the affair too. Not one woman on here will tell you an affair is a good idea. Without sounding horrible...grow UP OP...affairs are pain and crying and tears...not 'oooo he added me, swoon'

sundi Tue 09-Jun-20 19:46:30

This happened to me too, we've just ended a 2 year affair...the highs are definitely not worth lows.

Crystalspider Tue 09-Jun-20 19:48:06

Just see him as someone nice to look at, don't pusue him it would be an embarrassment, he lives on your road, possibly with kids at same school? if he realises your crush on him you could well end up as the local joke with some evil glares from his wife.

sierra2020 Tue 09-Jun-20 20:03:13

Do not have an affair. Don't think about it. Fantasies about him as much as you like but don't put it in to action, you'll be ruining not only your family but his too. Truth always comes out, he lives on your road too so it defo wouldn't be a good idea. If it's excitement you so badly want, find a single man that doesn't live in your road

HatRack Tue 09-Jun-20 20:08:48

What hot and cold behaviours?

ThunderCrack Tue 09-Jun-20 20:13:03

You are acting like a teenager

Do you actually want to have an affair?

Ruin your marriage and damage your children's lives for some "crush" ??

CrazyDaysAndMondays10 Tue 09-Jun-20 20:18:05

Honestly , a married mother asks for advice on how to cope with a crush on a married father (caused by lockdown boredom) and the advice from @whenitalkaboutsexnobodylistens is what happened when she pursued her crush? Seriously?

That is crazy talk , time to rein yourself in I'm afraid. You don't get to destroy two families because you're bored . It's boredom. Find another way to deal with it . Let's turn the conversation to that.

backseatcookers Tue 09-Jun-20 20:27:23

The Facebook friend request being unanswered is cringe - and I'm saying that because it's a good thing. Hold on to that - if he felt how you did and you were occupying his headspace the way he's occupying yours then he would have accepted it. He really would.

Don't be that person OP. People who do this do damage to those around them. Either try to work with your husband to reignite what was there before, or leave.

He hasn't made a move for years? Well that will be because you're both married...

Tough love time OP - grow up and make a decision about what you want when it comes to your own relationship, to try or to leave?

This guy is a fantasy and while you say you've known him for years you don't know him really - living with someone, their day to day self, who they are in a relationship, the good the bad and the ugly... you think he's fit and you like having a chat with him.

Is that worth the headspace you're giving it? No, because it's a symptom not a cause.

Morgan12 Tue 09-Jun-20 20:30:11

What's happened between you in the past? To make you think he liked you too?

MaeDanvers Tue 09-Jun-20 20:30:25

He probably knows you have a crush. And he’s married. If you’re serious about wanting to get over the crush then just imagine him and his wife rolling their eyes at your attempts at flirting and the friend request. Ought to pour cold water on it.

HatRack Tue 09-Jun-20 20:43:14

You people are being unnecessarily harsh.

What makes you think he'd even tell his wife about the friend request.

pinktaxi Tue 09-Jun-20 20:44:20

Far too much time on your hands. You dream of cheating on your husband and breaking up a marriage and another family? You sound an absolute peach.

Concentrate on getting a job.

MaeDanvers Tue 09-Jun-20 20:50:28

I’m not saying he has, I’m saying imagining that sort of thing is a good way to pour cold water on a crush! OP said she wanted to get over the crush. One way to do it is to stop the positive fantasising element and imagine a totally different and decidedly not sexy scenario.

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