Should I get a vasectomy

[Flower8919]

What do you think about vasectomies? Do you think if you are in a marriage and don’t want any more kids it is fair for the man to get a vasectomy or should the woman continue to stay on brith control? If the man gets a vasectomy and for some reason the relationship goes wrong. There is then no chance of having kids with another partner.

[latheritup]

Vasectomies are reversible

[aNonnyMouse1511]

It is an individual choice.

Personally we use condoms. It is a joint decision.

[3rdchristmaslucky]

Birth control is very taxing on the female body.

If you're married and both don't want anymore kids, then a vasectomy is a good route to take.

The recovery time of a vasectomy is quicker than that of female sterilisation and is less invasive, too.

However, unless it's something that you want to do, just use condoms.

[chaos76]

A vasectomy is less damaging to a mans body than the damage that can be done to a women taking birth control pills, but it has to be a joint decision and if you are already thinking, "what if we split up" then maybe its not a good idea to get one

[CharlotteMD]

Google PVPS before you make a decision.

[Scarydinosaurs]

It’s an individual choice. Imo, if you were happy for your wife to risk her health to give you children, it is fair to have a vasectomy to give your partner a break from the responsibility of birth control- especially given how the hormonal BC can take a toll on the body.

[Flower8919]

My wife would like me to get a vasectomy but we are quite young 30 & 31 and it just seems quite a big deal and I am quite reluctant to do it as I know it is meant to be reversible but there is a chance it could go wrong and I would never be able to have kids again if for some reason we changed our minds or god forbid split up. Whereas if she is on birth control it is a lot more flexible. I just want to know what everyone thinks and try to avoid it becoming and massive argument

[Flower8919]

Thank you for your replies btw

[Sux2buthen]

Totally your choice. It's your body,
My partner is likely to get one soon and I'm thrilled but it's all up to him

[Lunafortheloveogod]

Birth control can cause fatal blood clots, increases risks of strokes, cancers, depression, migraines.. seriously if she’s on the pill go get the box and read the leaflet. The coil can even perforate the womb.. being pumped full of hormones isn’t the easy route.

You obviously don’t have to have a vasectomy, there’s condoms.

You could also get with a new partner and discover you couldn’t have children naturally without even having the vasectomy, secondary infertility/age/new partners health.. also how likely is the break up.

[slipperywhensparticus]

Do you even want more children? Even if you started a new relationship tomorrow would you want another child? They arnt the be all and end all in a relationship

[HappyAsASandboy]

It is totally up to you. Just as female forms of birth control is totally up to your wife.

It is fine for either of you to not want to use one form of birth control or another and to discuss potential ways of managing birth control together. It is not ok for either of you to put pressure on the other to do things you're not comfortable.

As with anything in a marriage, understanding the other person's view and then jointly deciding the way forward is the only way. If you can't do that, then it might mean a choice of celibacy or pregnancy. Which might put too much stress on a marriage. Aim for a compromise!

[grumpymummy72]

My DH had a vasectomy as he knew he didn't want more kids, even if he ended up in another relationship. But he was a decade older than you. Does it have to be decision for now or could you revisit later?

[Flower8919]

Thanks for your comments they are all really helpful.

She is on birth control at the moment but I think is fed up of being on it and this is why it has come up. I would be happy to use condoms even though i think they do take away from the experience but unfortunately she doesn’t trust them as she had an incident with a split/broken condom when she was younger with an ex.

So she would like me to get a vasectomy and has been asking for a while. I’m just not sure how to approach the situation with her and not sure how we decide what to do and want to try figure it out before it becomes a massive problem

[Flower8919]

I don’t think I would like any more kids but as am quite reluctant to do it as I am quite young.

[potter5]

There are other options other than taking the pill.
Can she have an implant.
I think you are too young for vasectomy.

[PatellarTendonitis]

My DH had a vasectomy age 32 after our 3rd. I couldn't use hormonal birth control anymore and the copper coil was awful. No regrets. One of our children passed away. One has autism. Vasectomies are meant to be permanent contraception; reversals are not guaranteed and do not always work. You also don't need to have children with every 'partner'.

[Spinrek]

Even if you can't get your tubes reconnected, the sperm is still there and viable, and easily got at with a needle.
Hormonal birth control can be so awful for women, but is always ignored because it's a discreet pill.

[inwood]

I want DH to have one, he won't for no other reason than he's squeamish about it, but it's up to him ultimately.

We use condoms, it's not ideal but it is a compromise.

[Amicompletelyinsane]

My husband got a vasectomy at 29. We have three children. One more than planned. I kept checking its what he wanted. I even told him to think about what if we split up. He said he has three children. It's not about having more with someone else. He still would have our three and doesn't want more kids. So even splitting and meeting someone knew wouldn't make him think differently. If you don't 100% know that no mattee who you are with you don't want more children then maybe it's not right for you

[DowntonCrabby]

You posted this exact thread yesterday from the woman’s POV?

[startrek90]

It's your choice. You have to be truly OK with it. Don't do it for someone else.

Likewise it's also your partners choice what she does with her body. If she doesn't want to take hormonal contraception anymore (which I totally understand) she has the right to say condoms, diaphragm or no sex. It isn't blackmail, its being an adult and making clear what your boundaries are.

You both need to sit down and have a long discussion about it and then make your decisions. If you can't do that then I would suggest you both have bigger problems.

[Savingshoes]

Why don't you ask your father/male family about it?
My dad was your age when he had his vasectomy and would talk about how it was what lots of his mates were doing at that time too and how it's not that painful etc but meant he could afford his next new car.

[Chloemol]

So basically you are saying you don’t want a vasectomy and want her to continue pumping chemicals into her body, and she doesn’t want to pump chemicals into her body and wants you to have a vasectomy

I get there is the further issue of her not trusting condoms. But she has already taken the hit carrying your children, and all that entails doing to her body. You seem more worried about not being able to have children in the future which, to me, doesn’t say much for your marriage if you are concerned about not being able to have children with a future partner!

[GirlOnIt]

Me and my Dp are having similar conversation at the moment Op. We're a bit younger, but two unplanned babies very close together and I'm know I'm done with babies. He's not so sure, he'd like a third but he says only with me. The thing for us is our relationship hasn't been great and I'm honestly not 100% that we'll stay together.

So we've agreed to leave it for a year, get the very young baby years out of the way and then talk about it again. I've had the implant fitted in the meantime.