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Seeing someone who has previously gone to prostitutes

(270 Posts)
VioletVoice Sun 12-Jan-20 16:40:08

I've not been in this situation before and it does bother me a bit. He and ex wife appeared to have got into a toxic relationship and she cheated with his friends, he went to prostitutes whilst working abroad.

He's quite open about this, they obviously weren't good for each other. 2 children involved but they seem relatively unscathed and he and ex get on fine now.

I'm not sure how I should feel about this though, we're not super serious (and he wouldn't be able to afford it at the moment anyway!) but it does make me feel a bit uneasy. He's been quite upfront really and said it was control as his marriage was crumbling.

Hairydogmummy Sun 12-Jan-20 16:41:48

Crikey I wouldn't go there but only you know how you feel. Make 100 percent sure he's been thoroughly tested for STDs.

12345kbm Sun 12-Jan-20 16:42:20

Run. If you've have slept with him, have an STD test.

TheQueef Sun 12-Jan-20 16:43:50

No thanks.
Skip this one.

Sadiesnakes Sun 12-Jan-20 16:48:26

That's a hard no from me.

Raise your bar for even considering.

Marlboroandmalbec34 Sun 12-Jan-20 16:48:48

I think a man who sleeps with prostitute probably has little respect for women. I don’t understand how you would want to have sex with someone knowing they did not really want to. I would pass

VioletVoice Sun 12-Jan-20 16:53:14

I do care about him, he has depression and he's quite honest with me. I'll try to scale it back into just friendship.

Thanks for your input.

birdsdestiny Sun 12-Jan-20 16:53:20

Run. Run fast.

Furrybootsyecomfy Sun 12-Jan-20 16:54:16

I think it would depend on what his opinion of his previous behaviour was now, iyswim.
If he had gone while a teenager/young man, had thought about the ramifications of the sex industry, and now condemned his actions, I wouldn’t immediately write him off. The current trend for licentiousness in sexual behaviour can be confusing for young people.
However, this man does not sound like that person. It doesn’t sound at all like he has considered the implications for the women involved in these transactions. Plus it was “control”?? Eww.

SaintGarbo Sun 12-Jan-20 16:54:33

Firm no from me.

Meneenamenana Sun 12-Jan-20 16:55:44

Using the services of a sex worker would not be a deal breaker for me. I would want to know more about the circumstances -If it was someone using street sex workers who charge virtually nothing because they are feeding addictions, I’d be uncomfortable with that.

ohwheniknow Sun 12-Jan-20 16:58:28

Yeh, he's being honest to make sure he's picked a woman whose bar is extremely low.

Don't just "try" to scale it back. Do so.

Even if he has depression that's not your responsibility.

MikeUniformMike Sun 12-Jan-20 16:59:29

He has depression and shags sex workers. What appeals to you about him?

TheQueef Sun 12-Jan-20 16:59:51

He's already explained Mena when he felt out of control in his life he bought control of a woman hmm sounds a Prince.

thewooster Sun 12-Jan-20 17:00:32

I'd be really turned off by a man who paid for sex. Dump him.

Clevererthanyou Sun 12-Jan-20 17:02:10

He tried to buy the rights to a woman’s body, he is telling you what he thinks of women and is even giving you a glimpse into the future. There is no happily ever after here.

rosajosephine Sun 12-Jan-20 17:03:15

Yuck. Run.

waterSpider Sun 12-Jan-20 17:04:45

Prostitution -- like abortion, capital punishment, and Brexit, there is very little sensible communication between those with opposing views.

Which country? NZ where it's decriminalised, Germany where legalised, or most other places where it's illegal.

It may depend on the country, but generally speaking most prostitutes (or sex workers) have good sexual health and are no more likely to have an STD than anyone else. The Victorian morals on MN continues to assume that prostitutes have poor sexual practices. Of course, those trafficked and doing sex without condoms, IS an entirely different matter. As another said, big difference between street trawling and some other groups.

You can read that sex is somewhat important to this person -- important enough to take (I assume) risks with scams and possible illegality depending on the country.

VioletCharlotte Sun 12-Jan-20 17:07:21

Whether or not he still uses prostitutes now isn't really the point. He used in them in the past and thinks it's a perfectly ok thing to do. He doesn't see anything wrong with women being exploited in this way. This tells your everything you need to know about his attitude to women.

VioletVoice Sun 12-Jan-20 17:07:39

MikeUniformMike well he's intelligent and kind and we have interests in common. I honestly do care about him.

I'd like to stay friends with him but think any sexual activity will stop. It's mangling my head too much about his previous prostitute use. I think he and wife were a bit too young and not aware of repercussions. They seem to have done well with raising the kids (they're nearly adults now).

Anyway there it is! I'm taking a step away from a relationship with him as I feel uncomfortable.

StillWeRise Sun 12-Jan-20 17:15:08

Sex is not important to a man who is buying the body of a prostitute.
Ejaculation, power and control are important.

mamato3lads Sun 12-Jan-20 17:16:52

If you feel uncomfortable yes obviously walk away bit dont just walk away because hes used a prostitute when younger. He seems to have raised decent kids and is very honest about mistakes from his past.
I would find out more for sure
But wouldn't automatically dump him.

Nanny0gg Sun 12-Jan-20 17:18:16


mamato3lads Sun 12-Jan-20 17:20:01

I think everyone is generalising a lot here
Not all men who use prostitutes are disgusting awful men. That's not fair.

Women who use escorts ? Also filthy and disgusting?

Everyone has a choice. If you're not comfortable with how he behaved in his past, fine, but the character assassination is unnecessary imo.

PositiveVibez Sun 12-Jan-20 17:21:59

If it was someone using street sex workers who charge virtually nothing because they are feeding addictions, I’d be uncomfortable with that

As opposed to someone trafficked and charges more as their pimp demands it? Would that make it more acceptable?

Or are you talking about 'high class' escorts?

End of the day, this man had paid money to shove his dick in a woman's orifice.

Does it really matter how much he paid?

It shows total disrespect for women.

Unless he one of them men who counts sex workers as lesser women than the ones he knows?

He's not 'kind'

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