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Is 49 a reasonable age, for your sex life to be over?

(295 Posts)
AmIaskingfortoomuch Mon 22-Jul-19 20:25:28

Would love some opinions on this. I'm 49. DH is 46. Our sex life is leaving me wanting (under statement). Having been rejected many times, I have stopped initiating. We tend to go 3 weeks, then I get grumpy, he realises he needs to step up....we have sex...and then another 3 weeks goes by. This is the cycle we are caught up in.

We have had "the chat" a gazillion times. Every time we do have sex, he says how much he misses it (and misses me) and promises to change. But change never happens.

This month I have made a conscious effort not to get grumpy when 3 weeks have passed with no sex. We are due to go on a date on Saturday, and by then it will be four weeks without sex. I'm not saying a word. I'm going to see how many weeks he can go without. I might send him a Congrats card if we make 10 weeks.

Anyway, my real question is whether I'm expecting too much, to have a regular sex life at 49? What age do you think is acceptable for it to be all over?

raspberryk Mon 22-Jul-19 20:27:09

Why don't you be an adult and initiate?

ColaFreezePop Mon 22-Jul-19 20:27:18


You and your DP don't seem to be sexually compatible.

raspberryk Mon 22-Jul-19 20:29:05

If he really does reject you then you need to get to the route cause and to be honest if my partner didn't want sex I would leave.
You can't expect to go grumpy and get sex that's very unattractive I'm surpised you get any at all with that attitude.

Shazafied Mon 22-Jul-19 20:29:46

It sounds like he just has a much lower sex drive than you. I don’t think it’s fair to get grumpy with him.

AmIaskingfortoomuch Mon 22-Jul-19 20:30:19

Why don't you be an adult and initiate?

I think you missed the part, where I said that I no longer initiate due to being rejected. I initiated for about 8 years all of the time, only for there to be a "reason" why the time wasn't right. I just can't do that any more.

AmIaskingfortoomuch Mon 22-Jul-19 20:32:47

The getting grumpy thing, is just borne out of sheer sexual frustration. I have a very high sex drive, and tbh by week 3, I feel so sexually frustrated that I could scream. I am trying to make a real effort not to be like this.

My real question though is : at 49 should I just forget about sex now (or try to)?

LemonTT Mon 22-Jul-19 20:35:17

You need to both address this issue together, openly and constructively without judgement.

I don't think getting grumpy every 3 weeks is helping things nor will playing games. I doubt he gets turned on by grumpy just like women don't get turned on by sulky men.

I would be very turned off by someone who got grumpy just because I was not in the mood for sex. Stress is a big factor in loss of libido and grumpiness just adds to that

Herocomplex Mon 22-Jul-19 20:36:20

Is he affectionate? Hugs, cuddles, kisses?

BayandBlonde Mon 22-Jul-19 20:36:40

Do people really get that sexually frustrated that they could scream?!

You're pinning all of this on him for having a low sex drive, have you considered that it may be your sex drive that is abnormally high?

PicsInRed Mon 22-Jul-19 20:38:37

At 49 you should forget about him.

As PP said, you are not sexually compatible. He is not obliged to provide sex, but you are not obliged to go without. You are entitled to leave the relationship and very likely should do so.

TalentedMsRipley Mon 22-Jul-19 20:40:28

Why don't people on here read posts properly?

TowelNumber42 Mon 22-Jul-19 20:41:28

If he doesn't want sex he doesn't want sex. That's about him.

If you need sex that's a different issue. The question is where are you going to get it? And how legitimately (cheat or split).

Menopause might fix this issue for you anyway.

49 is the year of being super super horny according to The Hot Topic prior to everything drying up.

Herocomplex Mon 22-Jul-19 20:43:48

You give it up when you decide, not when someone decides for you.

raspberryk Mon 22-Jul-19 20:51:39

Yes Bay and blonde they do, but then if that was me I'd pleasure myself before that point.

AmIaskingfortoomuch Mon 22-Jul-19 20:52:24

He's not unaffectionate...I get a long kiss before work, for eg. I don't think my sex drive is abnormally high : I'd be happy with 1-2 times a week. That's average no?

Don't know if 49 is the year of being super horny....I have been the same for at least 15 years. I've only had low sex drive when I had toddlers/babies. Kids are adults now.

groundanchochillipowder Mon 22-Jul-19 20:55:56

I'd be looking to move on.

kitandkaboodle28 Mon 22-Jul-19 20:55:57

Yep we are apparently the same person!

AmIaskingfortoomuch Mon 22-Jul-19 20:57:33

I'm going to say nothing this month, and see how long we go without. Normally, at the 3 week point I'd say "you know, we haven't had any intimacy for 3 weeks again, what's going on?". I'm not doing that this time.

It will be interesting on Saturday, because if there's one thing that's likely to get him horny, it's us going out (as we get dressed up & look our best). I feel like I want to reject him if he tries anything on when we get home, as why should he get to pick me up when he pleases? I have never rejected him, in 11 fucking years...not once. Maybe I should.

ComtesseDeSpair Mon 22-Jul-19 20:59:03

There’s no reasonable age for your sex life to be over, if you still want and enjoy sex. Don’t let anyone make you feel bad for wanting and liking sex. You and OH are sexually incompatible. It’s fine for him not to want sex; it’s not fine for that to mean you never have sex. I’d be starting s conversation about opening up your relationship or, if he doesn’t want that, separating and giving each other the potential to find other relationships which you’re both more suited to.

AmIaskingfortoomuch Mon 22-Jul-19 20:59:25

kitandkaboodle28 Uugh, it's grim isn't it? I was 38 when I met DH, and he was 35. It was the same then. Here I am, 11 years later. Not helpful to you, but I would say to you, that if you stay, you are unlikely to change him.

teddypasty Mon 22-Jul-19 21:01:07

You're pinning all of this on him for having a low sex drive, have you considered that it may be your sex drive that is abnormally high?

Abnormally high? Once every three weeks?!

AmIaskingfortoomuch Mon 22-Jul-19 21:01:37

I’d be starting s conversation about opening up your relationship or, if he doesn’t want that, separating and giving each other the potential to find other relationships which you’re both more suited to

I've started this convo a Million times. He promises to change. He says he hates being the way he is, and that I deserve more. We have a great sex session......and then nothing changes.

Mrskeats Mon 22-Jul-19 21:03:51

menopause might fix this issue what a crappy thing to say towel
and not true in this house.

AmIaskingfortoomuch Mon 22-Jul-19 21:05:20

Thank you teddy and might I add, only once every 3 weeks, because I moan and then he knows I am a job to be ticked off.

I bloody love good sex. I miss it. Sometimes to the point of being tearful if I see sex on the telly.

I know I'm 49. But I still feel young. I don't look bad. I'm probs carrying an extra stone. But I'm not bad looking. I've got great tits! But boy, does this knock the old self esteem.

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