I'm not sure why I'm posting here or why I've name changed - I don't post often anwyay. However, I have no one to talk to IRL so I guess I need to get it all off my chest.
Things haven't been great between us since we had children (7 and 3 years ago). I don't think he could get his head round that he wasn't my first priority anymore and I know he resents that.
After reading a lot of relationship threads, I realise now that he's been sporadically abusive over the 23 years we've been together.
We've had a few BIG rows over the years. Mostly shouting, occasionally physical. 3 years ago, he pinned me up against the door by my throat. I should have left then.
Every time we have a big row he threatens to leave me and calls me all sorts of names and tells me I'm just like my "fucking mother" which he knows I hate because she's pretty toxic and I'm nothing like her.
I used to get upset, I used to agree to try harder (mainly with sex as I'm really not interested) as long as he tried too (he's lazy). He'll be helpful for a week and then go back to how he was. He's only helpful on a day he wants sex.
Last night we had another row and he told me I was a fucking twat etc etc and then said he's not prepared to live like this anymore and he's going to leave me.
I said OK.
We then had a bit of a conversation about the practicalities of leaving eg selling stuff we can't afford, selling the house etc and I was very matter of fact and not upset at all.
I think it threw him completely. He wasn't expecting it.
So after all the crap, I'm going to go through with it. I hope I'm strong enough. The children will be devastated and that's my biggest worry. They think the world of him. I know he'll change his mind not because he loves me - more that he'll struggle to function without me and he'll realise how much I actually do for him to make his life run smoothly.
Phew - that's much longer that I thought! Feels good to share and I'm actually feeling quite relieved and still not feeling upset or unhappy.
Thanks for reading if you've got this far. If anyone has any practical advice that's be really useful.
And the children will get over it won't they?
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
Looks like my marriage is over
soitsallover · 16/05/2019 10:53
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