LMD - moving on from abusive parents pt2

[Littlemissdemeanour]

As the old thread is filling up,

Link to old thread: Abusive parents- I phoned the police. Now what?www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3366847-Abusive-parents-I-phoned-the-police-Now-what

[kaitlinktm]

Clicky link

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3366847-Abusive-parents-I-phoned-the-police-Now-what?watched=1&msgid=81785510#81785510

[OhLookHeKickedTheBall]

Good morning. Glad you had a good day yesterday

[PaleRider1]

Glad you had a good day yesterday with friends.

I know it's difficult not too, but please try not to dwell too much on the hate filled text and don't let it consume you.

[Mummabear2212]

Great title.. moving on. I hope that you can do so. Remember their vile texts reflect on them and their characters NOT you and yours

[VelociraptorRex]

Glad yesterday was good OP 

[Littlemissdemeanour]

Hi all- you found me

[PaleRider1]

Good Morning

[Littlemissdemeanour]

I did end up telling friend about it. She read texts and was aghast and tears in her eyes. It really is so bad in black and white

[PaleRider1]

I'm glad you told your friend, I'm just glad you have someone who isn't family or your councillor that you are able to talk to face to face.

[Littlemissdemeanour]

Yeah, it's hard but I know saying it out loud in 3D makes it real.

I don't know how I've managed the last month. A month last night.

[Itchyknees]

Hope you’re having a nice calm
Weekend

[justilou1]

I’m also glad you told your friend, Littlemiss. That was very brave and you need a real life team as well as us. Well done!

[OhLookHeKickedTheBall]

I hope that if nothing else your friend's reaction helped you believe more this isn't you overreacting at all.

It's a hard thing to have done. You really are brave even when you don't feel it.

[Aprilislonggone]

Glad you have had rl confirmation that you have done absolutely nothing wrong. And glad you have a good friend irl also.

[Littlemissdemeanour]

It has confirmed, yes.

It still doesn't help with my understanding of the why they can't be parents, and why send something so nasty. Why even think it? Never mind write it down and actually send it

[WTFIsAGleepglorp]

Yay! Team Littlemissdemeanour!!

[WTFIsAGleepglorp]

...why send something so nasty. Why even think it? Never mind write it down and actually send it

Because they weren't decent, loving parents.

[pointythings]

Your friend's reaction should help to strengthen your dawning realisation that it is them, not you.

Some people are just toxic and unpleasant. Perhaps your parents learned this behaviour from their family dynamic - but that doesn't excuse it. My DM grew up in an emotionally abusive household, but she was a great mum to me and my Dsis - she learned how not to do it. It looks as if you have learned this too, given how much goodness shines through your posts.

It's going to take time and work to get through this. It hurts to know that the people who are supposed to love you unconditionally don't and can't do that. But you will find your strength, confidence and self esteem in time and make a good life for yourself.

[justilou1]

Pointythings is quite right. Some people are broken. They can’t be fixed. It doesn’t mean you are going to repeat the same patterns. I have faith that now you have chosen to reject the role you’ve been given, it’s your time to build a new life in which you can shine. (I know because everything I never believed was possible in my injured, cynical heart and mind is now my life, Littlemiss. It did take a lot of work, and there were quite a few setbacks along the way, but I am happy. You can do this!!!)

[Littlemissdemeanour]

Thank you @justilou1

I'm just still so hurt. How do you move on from it?

[RainbowsArePretty]

Glad you had a good day yesterday and confided in your friend.

When do you next go back and see your counsellor?

[Rubyslippers7780]

Morning! Glad i found you!
You are doing so well. I think time will help and talking. Your reaction to how your friend reacted helping you to see your parents are not normal. They do not love you, it is abuse. You are worth more than to be their emotional / physical punchbag.
This is the begining of a new you. Hard, but embrace the opportunity to be free.

[Littlemissdemeanour]

Thanks all

Counsellor is Thursday. Seems so far away

[Rubyslippers7780]

Everyday will be different..getting better everyday..but like a bereavement the first anniversary, birthday, Christmas will be a trigger.. trigger for memories, sadness, loss but also anger. One day this will be 'last year' or 'five years ago' or 'twenty years ago' and you will feel differently. You wll get through this. We are hear to listen and help. You are not alone.

[BlessThisMess]

I'm still here too, LittleMiss. The hours are long but the years are short. It will feel like forever sometimes, but in another way it won't be long tilll this is a sad memory of something you went through.