Has anyone had the MAIN motivation for having another child to prolong time off work, or to pack it in for good?
When I had DC1, I conceived DC2 quickly in part because I wanted to have more maternity leave (I had a full year for both, with about 2 months back at work between mat leaves).
I became a SAHP after my second mat leave (in 2007). DC3 and DC4 were born in 2009 and 2014. I didn't have them to extend being a SAHP. But I did "crack on" with TTC in time for the current youngest starting school for the next child arriving. I'm not sure how I'll feel being a SAHP with all children in school. It will happen though, youngest coming up to 4 and I have no plans to go back to work.
Or SAHP is just what works in your circumstances and you didn't hate working at all?
I didn't hate work. But as a secondary teacher in a core subject, it's bloody hard graft, stressful at times and exhausting. My work/life balance was fine pre-children. It was unsustainable once I had children. Other teachers manage it, I didn't feel my salary was 'worth' all I was missing out on as a parent.
We are not wealthy BTW. If I worked we might be of average income. But given I don't, and that we have more than average children, we are quite low income. This is a conscious decision of mine and DH.
what's your partner's take on it? Does he resent it?
We are a team. We work together for our family.
He benefits from from the fact that when he is home from work, it's all family time with the children. No chores to do beyond taking the kids to sports clubs etc.
Of course he would love to not work too. He was made redundant a few years ago and used some of the substantial redundancy pay to take 1 year off work with me and the kids. It was wonderful, idyllic. Both of us cannot wait until retirement when we can relax together all the time.
But as a family, we need an income. So I try to make my husbands life as nice as possible, because im grateful that because of him I don't have to work. He's not resentful though.
Does it imbalance the relationship or not?
My role in the family is of equal importance as his. It always has been. It always will.
Does he make you feel you're financially dependant?
Of course not. Since we became a couple and moved in together 20-odd years ago, we've always had joint a current account, joint savings account, joint loan/mortgage account, and joint credit cards.
Basically all of our money has always been "our money" - not his or mine.
Ever had negative comments from anyone (friends, family members) about not working?
No one has ever said anything negative to me. Not in the 10 plus years I've been a SAHM.
I do get a sence some people I come across underestimate my intelligence. I'm not offended by this and I don't consider it a negative thing, just an ignorant assumption. But there is often a look of suprise when I mention having a professional career and postgraduate education.
What is paid work for you: something essential and developing...
Im not defined by my career. Even if I'd have always worked I wouldn't want to be defined as a person by my career.
I'm developing as a person all of the time. I don't need paid work to do that. I've taught myself various things: how to code, how to build a website, I research anything that interests me, I read a lot. As well as the immense learning curve that parenting is. I also fill my mind and busy myself with loads of stuff day to day - I don't just do nothing.
A lifetime spent learning and developing is essential IMO. I categorically disagree with any notion that paid work is necessary for that.
... or a pain you endure for financial reasons?
If I can feel happy and forfilled, relaxed and enjoying my days/weeks/years, challenged and stimulated... without working and do not feel financially challenged as a family. Then why must I work?