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Holy fuck, help me!

(203 Posts)
HarshingMyMellow Tue 31-Jul-18 11:03:19

I split up with my partner a few months ago, he walked out and I haven't heard from him since.

Before we split up I had a miscarriage.

I've been feeling rough lately (fatigue) so did a few pregnancy tests which all came back negative, I am still having periods.

I went to the GP this morning after having some blood tests done a week ago and he's informed me that I am in fact pregnant.
I haven't slept with anyone since splitting up with my partner, and going by the last time we slept together (calculations on period tracker app) I could be as much as 20 weeks!
I can't understand it. The negative pregnancy tests, still having regular periods, no morning sickness. Nothing!

I am in a state of shock. I don't know what to do.
I already have toddler DD (ex hasn't seen her since he left either) and now I have to make all these decisions I don't want to make.
I was taking the pill too.

I've got to visit the clinic next week for a dating scan, if I am as far along as I have worked out I'll have a week to decide what to do.
I can't have another baby on my own with no support, I doubt ex will do much. I have no family to talk to.

What do I do? What would you do?
I feel physically sick with worry.

Prettysureitsnotok Tue 31-Jul-18 11:06:36

Take complete full advantage of the counselling associated with the termination process. It doesn't mean you need to go through with it. Do your best to contact ex any way you can, if you want to. At least then you'll know.

I hate to say it, but those awful despicable pro-life groups do actually offer some support to women who decide to continue after facing this kind of decision.

If you can't go through with it that's ok. You and your toddler come first. Those needs are the priority.

gamerchick Tue 31-Jul-18 11:06:43

Take it one day at a time. I'm surprised they're waiting a week for a scan though. It's pretty important to find out ASAP.

You need RL support, do you have it?

lizzedays Tue 31-Jul-18 11:07:24

Can you tell your ex? How would you feel about terminating the pregnancy? It is not something i could do, but everyone feels differently and only you know what is best for you. I'm sorry you are in this position.

Hopefully someone will come along with better advice!

Doggood Tue 31-Jul-18 11:09:39

Can you have a private dating scan? I think I would need to know today

Shutityoutart Tue 31-Jul-18 11:09:57

If he did your hcg could it still be some retained products from your mc? That would still give you raised hcg . After one of my miscarriages I had a raised hcg for 3 months x

forumdonkey Tue 31-Jul-18 11:12:22

You must do what is best for you. flowers

HarshingMyMellow Tue 31-Jul-18 11:12:30

I don't know if I can bring myself to terminate the pregnancy because it is so far along.
It's close to being a viable pregnancy. I feel like an awful person to even contemplate it, but I don't know how I'd cope.

@gamerchick that was the soonest they could fit me in sad I'm on a list for if there is a cancellation before that date though.
Services around here are cut to the bone.

I have no real life support at all. I don't want to talk to friends about it, can't talk to my dad and NC with my mother.

I feel so guilty and angry at myself. I was so careful too.

HollowTalk Tue 31-Jul-18 11:16:16

God, what a massive shock. Are you feeling alright?

Does your ex pay child support?

HarshingMyMellow Tue 31-Jul-18 11:17:45

I've been trying to contact ExP for a few weeks now to get him to see DD. No such luck.

I really don't want have to tell him through ExMiL - although I do have an excellent relationship with her - but needs must.

I can't afford a private scan. Just had to pay out for deposit and first month up front on a new home for me and DD.
It really couldn't have happened at a worse time.

@Shutityoutart I did think mention that, but he said the levels were quite high for it to be retained product.
By this point I had just zoned out, I felt so sick.

HarshingMyMellow Tue 31-Jul-18 11:19:40

@HollowTalk I don't know how I'm feeling. Guilt, shock, anger.
It sounds strange but I've gone numb. I can't think straight.

The shock is overwhelming.

No child support as of yet.

ColumboHere Tue 31-Jul-18 11:35:24

You don't have to tell him if you don't want to. Take some time, focus on getting support for yourself. Your health visitor might be able to help.

ApolloandDaphne Tue 31-Jul-18 11:41:41

Oh my goodness, what a shock. I guess you need to try and think through the long term implications of bringing up another child with no support from your ex. Have you got a close friend you can confide in?

loopylass13 Tue 31-Jul-18 11:45:45

You should do what is best for your situation.

Saying that, one of my friends didn't know she was pregnant until she went into labour. She is a single mum with very little support. She hadn't wanted a second but found that having to cope meant she found a way to cope. There are benefits to help, you will get childcare cost help if working. If not working, there is funding from 2+ for nursery. It is not a without hope situation. Ex will also be required to pay maintenance.

ThumbWitchesAbroad Tue 31-Jul-18 11:47:16

Hmm.
There is a possibility that you have a molar pregnancy - or that you had one and in fact the molar cells have got into your bloodstream after your miscarriage and are still causing the raised hCG levels.
The scan is the only way to tell this but it is a possibility.

It is also possible to be pregnant and still have periods every month, so it still could be that too.

I hope you can get a scan ASAP to work out what's going on x

Ellie56 Tue 31-Jul-18 11:48:32

You say you have a good relationship with Ex MIL. Could you talk to her?

notthisagain83 Tue 31-Jul-18 11:50:33

there is a saying i live by

“You never know how strong you are until being strong is your only choice.”

Whichever way you decide to go OP you will be strong enough to get through it i promise you that much.

hairymoragthebampot Tue 31-Jul-18 11:51:30

Without sounding negative I would suggest you get your scan and take it from there. You may indeed be pregnant with a healthy baby but you may also find you have had a missed miscarriage which is why a home kit wasn’t showing high enough pregnancy hormones. I had a positive test and on a scan there was nothing there and then they spotted I had an ectopic. You have a lot to deal with so take one thing at a time before trying to contact your ex and once you know what’s going on you can think about next steps.

springydaff Tue 31-Jul-18 11:57:53

Bless you, I'm so sorry you're going through this shock xx

You have NOTHING to feel guilty about. You did your best, it went wrong - that's not your fault! You can't do more than your best.

Look after yourself sweetheart. Pull on all and every available support, official (eg organisations) or unofficial eg ex mil, friends, here. At the very least let your GP know you are struggling with shock.

We're here for you, be kind kind kind to yourself lovely 🌸 💐

MaverickSnoopy Tue 31-Jul-18 12:01:12

You can't help how you feel OP but you shouldn't be angry with yourself. You haven't done anything wrong and you will deal with this in the best way that you can, as you already are.

I think talking to your health visitor is an excellent idea. They're not all great but they'll be able to signpost you to support whilst you're in this interim wait. They'll also be someone in RL to talk to.

Bellabutterfly2016 Tue 31-Jul-18 12:02:19

You could rock up at your local A&E saying you have severe pains - they'd whip you in for a scan then surely.

What a shock for you 🌺 try to stay calm x

alligatorsmile Tue 31-Jul-18 12:05:02

Personally, I think in these situations it can help to focus on practicalities first, so you don't feel so completely at sea. Wait for the scan to find out what's what. Could be any number of scenarios, so no need to commit to any course of action jsut yet.

mumsastudent Tue 31-Jul-18 12:10:16

I think that you should turn up at a &e with backache & tummy pain too -

colditz Tue 31-Jul-18 12:12:59

If the very worst thing happens

if you absolutely are pregnant and you absolutely cannot have a termination

You CAN have it adopted. You man not want to, but you CAN. Bear that in mind. You do still have choices.

CaMePlaitPas Tue 31-Jul-18 12:15:33

Oh OP, I can't imagine how you must be feeling. flowers

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