Starting over after 25 years

[Lily007]

I never gave a thought to the too precise info I was giving so I’ve had to hide my old thread. Is that the right thing to do?

I don’t know what I was thinking divulging so much personal info 🙈

I’lll continue to post on this new thread, as anyone who’s been contributing already knows the background so there’s no need for the history to be visible in any case.

Thank you to the poster who warned me 🙄

[AnchorDownDeepBreath]

I don't really know what you're referring to, but just as a heads up - hiding the thread only hides it from you, the rest of Mumsnet and the internet will still be able to see it. You'd have to get it deleted from Mumsnet by reporting it, if you think you've given away too much information.

[Lily007]

Thank you. I’ve asked MN to delete the thread.

[Lily007]

Bluntness I hope you won’t desert me and will continue with your invaluable advice on this new thread. I’m going to be more careful about the details I disclose 🙄.

[Bluntness100]

Hi,,,still here whether you like it or not...and good plan to start a new thread,,,😁

Had a bit of a moment actually and thought "oh no, she's gone" when I saw it was deleted.

[Lily007]

Ha ha. I’d have been gutted if you’d bailed on me.

[ThinkingQueSeraSera]

Lily I was thinking of you. I'm in awe of your bravery and strength. What's been going on last few days? Seriously, you're inspiring.

[Lily007]

ThinkingQueSeraSera. Bless you for your kind words.

Nothing much going on really. H is away on a lad’s weekend until tomorrow evening and I have to say knowing he hasn’t been around has cheered me up.

I’ve told everyone I don’t want to know what him and OW are up to. I definitely feel better in myself when I’m oblivious to their antics.

I’m just busying myself around the house and concentrating on getting myself back to some kind of normality

Thank you for asking 😘

[Namethecat]

Good for you starting a new thread . It's a pretty positive going forward title as well !

[KeziaOAP]

Lily followed your old thread didn't contribute as you had such good advice from others. I admire greatly your dignity and strength in what is an upsetting situation for you. Keeping busy is good - did you paint the ensuite?

[toldmywrath]

Hope you are keeping well and will your son be visiting soon? Or is he watching the footie today?

[eleventwinkles]

Phew - thought you'd vanished Lily.
Love the thread title and hope you've been feeling more upbeat these past few days.
Keep on going. You've done amazingly well

[whatamistake]

Hi op, found you ☺️

[AdidasGirl]

I'm another who is so glad you hadn't vanished.
I didn't comment on your previous post but I checked in daily and am in awe of your strength.
Sending love and Light.

[Walkaboutwendy]

Keep on keeping on

[Lily007]

Hiya.

Finished the emulsion in the en suite just need to do the gloss but that can wait until the sun stops shining.

Yes my son is watching the football. I’m going to his house tomorrow for a BBQ.

KeziaOAP I don’t feel particularly strong although I have tried to be as dignified as possible in the circumstances

I’ve felt better knowing he’s out of the country but I’m sure the fear and uncertainty will return tomorrow evening 🙄.

[Helpimfalling]

Hey darling I found you again

Phew you were my life line xx

[Lily007]

I’ve just been mulling things over and I just wondered if any of you could give me your thoughts on a question that’s going through my mind.

As you’re all aware, H left me after being together over 25 years. Since he left I haven’t begged and pleaded for him to come home, I’ve not made any trouble for him I have simply maintained absolute no contact.

What I’m wondering is, what does it say to OW that I haven’t used any tactics to attempt to get him back. I may be completely wrong, and I’ve never been the OW, so have no experience BUT if I were in her shoes, I think I may find it a bit odd that his wife had let him go, seemingly, so easily. I mean, she’s no idea of the turmoil I’ve been suffering.

I don’t know why this has occurred to me tonight but thought I’d just put it out there 😊

Hi Helpimfalling glad you’ve found me. Hope you’re doing okay 😘

[whatamistake]

Hmmm....

I believe in karma. I’m my mind I firmly believe that Ow will always be watching her back, waiting to see if either;
-you do anything to tempt him back
Or
-he wants to return and leaves her
Or
-he drops her for someone else

Hopefully she will have this gnawing away at her - especially whilst he is away, with your family....and good!

I also hope the jungle drums beat loud and fast to him about your date. Whether he’ll admit or not it will be a big kick in the balls.... also good!

[Lily007]

No Whatamistake there is no date lol 🙈

I do hope you’re right though, that OW is never able to relax wondering what he’s up to, it would serve her right. You reap what you sow 😉

[pisces7268]

I think the OW must be confused, guessing she expected you to try to make their lives hell so probably wondering why you arent..

[Bluntness100]

Honestly? I think they will both be confused by it. That's one of the reasons I want you to give them absolutely no ammunition.

Whatever he has said to her about you, and he will have said stuff and it won't be pretty,, the fact you've maintained a dignified silence must be causing both of them some concern. They may not talk about it openly. They may not admit it out Loud to each other, but in the wee small hours they both must be wondering why you have let him go so apparently easily.

For her, that must be disconcerting, and the same for him. Because rhe less you beg, the easier it seems you make it, rhe more it looks like he lied to her and you didn't want him. Right now the pair of them need you to do something to prove he told her the truth. They need that a lot.

[Lily007]

Bluntness. Thank you so much for that post. I was thinking along the same lines.

I hope they’re both rattled that I haven’t either begged or retaliated.

I think if I were in OW’s shoes I’d find my lack of reaction pretty disconcerting.

I will take your advice and give them no ammunition.

Thanks again 😘

[Bluntness100]

What your basically doing is not validating whatever he has said about you. You're proving him a liar, the mere fact you haven't made this hard must make her think maybe you didn't want him in the first placer he has lied. It has to be a concern for her. That he's not been honest. It can't not be.

So I'd expect a little more social media activity on his return as he tries to prod you into proving him right....

[whatamistake]

I know there is no date .... but they don’t 😜

Also agree with bluntness - it’s looking very much like you have got rid of him and both of them need something to counter those nagging doubts (what a shame you won’t be giving them anything! 😂) x