How should I deal with his sulking?

[User010101]

The has happened quite a few times before and normally I confront him or try to coax him out of it. This time I've had enough and can't deal with this childish behaviour any longer.

Today, I messaged him at work and we agreed to meet for lunch. I normally go at 1pm but agreed to wait for him until 1:15pm as he said he was busy. Fair enough, except he didn't contact me until after 1:30pm and when we met up he was grumpy and said that he only had time to grab a sandwich and head straight back to work. I was annoyed and was under the impression that going for lunch meant actually going somewhere to eat together. Still, I said nothing...

When we were in the queue for his sandwich I asked him about dinner tonight (he said 3 days ago he would go grocery shopping, but didn't) and he said he didn't know as was out from 6pm. I said I would be happy enough with an omelette and even though I had plans myself tonight,, saidould pick eggs etc up from the shop. He said he didn't fancy that for dinner and I said that he would need to go to the shop himself as he had originally said he would shop for the both of us on Saturday. This was met with silence and when I asked him if he was now huffing with me he swore at me, said I needed to stop nagging him and stormed off.

I thought that would be the end of it as it really wasn't that big of a deal. However, he has just come home and is still not speaking to me. I am going about my business and am in the living room watching TV. He went out to the shop there and took ages presumably in an attempt to make me think he had left me. He came home with whatever he had bought, made it for himself together with a cup of tea. He then came into the living room, picked up his laptop and took it into the kitchen (he normally goes on it in the living room).

I'm at my wit's end. How on earth do I deal with this? It feels surreal and almost like a joke. How on earth can he be sulking? I did all the housework at on Sunday while he went off for a 5 1/2 hour cycle (which apparently left him too exhausted to move) but now I'm supposed to feel guilty!! Would appreciate any thoughts as very annoyed.

[pictish]

How on earth can he be sulking?

He’s making it clear that you may not have any expectations of him to pull his weight, do his bit or follow through on tasks by punishing you with the silent treatment when you do. That’s how.

[Olicity17]

Honestly, I would ditch him.

My ex was like this. Nothing I could do changed it. Its not about how you handle it. Its about his behaviour.

[pictish]

For example, you were supposed to suck up the fact that he did not do the shopping as promised. You were supposed to do it instead of him and provide him with a meal. Going to the shop and thinking of meals is boring for him you see. You shouldn’t remind him that he was supposed to.

“Nagging’ = not wiping his arse for him with a smile.

[Cawfee]

Giant man baby. Can you really be bothered to live like this for the rest of your life? He’s a sulky idiot. Get rid and get happy

[User010101]

Thank you both. It's not just today but the fact that he literally trains 7 days a week for his hobby- his choice!- he's not a pro. I have tried many times now to tell him that just because he decides to do this doesn't mean that he shouldn't have an equal responsibility to the household chores. I've tried to put across the point that his free time isn't more valuable than mine, even if I decide to watch Netflix during 'my time'.

[User010101]

That's exactly it @pictish. Everything is great between unless I try to bring anything up and ask him to be less selfish and compromise regarding his hobby. Then, he just sulks and says I'm nagging.

[dirtybadger]

I think you probably should have confronted him at lunch. You said you were annoyed, but said nothing. Later on he was obviously annoyed but saying nothing. So you are both pissed off, but not speaking.

Im not saying it is your fault whatsoever, because I get the impression that this isnt typical and that his sulking is very frequent and more OTT? Just an observation. And, besides, you have said that you have done addressing the sulking directly before.

Honestly, why would he change? Can you think of a reason? Unless this is a sudden thing, I would assume this is who he is. This is how he (fails to) express himself. And how he (successfully and cruelly) punishes you for whatever he judges as your wrong doings (which arent wrong).

Do you want to work on it, or are you done?

[User010101]

Thanks very much for your comment @dirtybadger. I tried to speak to him at lunch but he walked off on me after a few sentences. He was unwilling to discuss anything.

[User010101]

I'm not actually sulking at the minute. The reason I'm not speaking to him is that I refuse to give him attention and also, I don't want to start an argument as then he will definitely say it was all my fault.

[pictish]

Well there you go...you have a man who fundamentally believes that the time he spends on his hobby is time for you to do all the shitwork he can’t be arsed with so he doesn’t have to bother. How inconvenient of you to disagree. You nag.

[Maelstrop]

Don’t have kids with this idiot.

[category12]

You're failing in your job to be responsible for the home while he does what he likes.

I'd ditch him - it doesn't sound like you have dc together (I hope?!) - so throw this fish back, he stinks. Definitely don't have dc with him.

[User010101]

He's down in the kitchen now and I've gone up to bed to read and go on MN. Should I just leave it for tonight? I've to go to the toilet which is downstairs past the kitchen

[Grumpyoldblonde]

He sounds like a big silly baby, good luck if you plan to stay with him. Overgrown man toddlers are so tedious and deeply unsexy

[dirtybadger]

I'm involved in a sport. Maybe the same as his if he trains 7 days a week. I'm also a student, coach my sport 2 nights a week, and work 3-4 days a week on my feet. I still have time to do housework. Working out for 1-3 hours (longer at weekends I imagine) a day shouldnt leave you so tired you cant pick up a hoover or multisurface spray. He is just being a cunt.

[MachineBee]

My ExH would do the silent treatment if I’d not done what he wanted. He seemed to get off on my trying to coax him back to being normal. Enjoyed the attention.

When kids came along he got worse. Then came actual bullying and one time when I had arranged for a night out with my friends, he actually told I couldn’t go as ‘I hadn’t finished my chores’. I did go and my ‘punishment’ was not to speak to me for days.

I finally came to my senses, and kicked him out. Never regretted it.

[pictish]

He’s not a silly baby...he’s a grown man who knows exactly what he’s doing.

[Rosielily]

It's worse than dealing with a toddler isn't it, and at least there is an excuse for a toddler sulking as they don't know any better at such a young age. I wouldn't pander to him either and I agree that you should ignore his current behaviour, for now.

You will have to consider whether you wish to stay in this relationship though. What are you getting from it, and how does he treat you the rest of the time.

[LilySwamp]

After too many years married to a moody, no speaks git my
take on it is to give him a none negotiable ultimatum - he
either stops the silent treatment and strops or he ships out.
They don't respect you for being stoical and putting up with this crap.

[LilySwamp]

Meant to say he's an ex now.

[User010101]

Thank you for all the comments. At what point should I confront him about this though? Should I do it in person or in an email/text? I'm really not sure how to deal with such ridiculous behaviour. It would actually be quite comical if it wasn't making me so annoyed.

[User010101]

In many ways I feel like down there now and telling him to just go. I won't though and will wait until I've calmed down.

[Rosielily]

How you deal with it depends on many things. How long have you been together, do you live together, do you have children, how long has this behaviour been going on. If a newish relationship I'd be tempted to text to call it a day if that's what you want. If longer I'd have a face to face and just tell him my feelings. Do you want to end it completely or do you think there's any chance he might change? Would you even want the relationship to continue if he did change?

[bluetrees]

It won't get any better. I'd leave him whilst you still can.

[MsGameandWatching]

You say "tell him to go". Is it your home? If so, do it! Right now. Show him you absolutely will not tolerate teenage sulks and tantrums.