Husband takes pics/videos without my consent

[JaimeeDodger]

I’ve read a previous thread here before on a similar subject but need to air my issue...

This morning I fell back asleep after getting back into bed with a cuppa and reading my book. I came to quite instantly to find my husband filming me. His reaction/look made me feel very uneasy and I made a joke that he was a perving voyeur and turned over - he didn’t apologise or laugh it off.
The thing is, I often get the impression that he films/takes pics of me when I’m getting dried after the shower or when I’m changing in the morning. I’ve caught him filming me while asleep a couple of times before but being that he’s my husband, I’ve kind of just shrugged it off. However, I’ve noticed more and more that his phone is pointing in my direction etc..
The other thing (and I can’t prove or say for definite that it’s happened) is that 2/3 times I’ve gone for a wee in the morning and have noticed (sorry for the graphic wording here) that I smell of semen down below and at the time thought how strange it was. But suddenly things are all slotting together and I’m wondering if he’s doing things to me while I’m asleep. I’m a really heavy sleeper.

I can’t access his phone as it’s a Samsung S8 which only recognises his irises or thumb print.

I don’t know what to do or say. I want to confront him but have a feeling he’ll tell me I’m being ridiculous and I won’t be able to prove anything. I’m just going on my gut feeling and the few times I’ve caught him filming me.
I’m trying to remain rational; I sometimes take a pic of him if he falls asleep on the sofa, looking like he’s catching flies or dribbling because it’s funny. But I was just asleep, mouth closed but cleavage very much on show this morning and that isn’t funny or photo worthy?!

Advice greatly welcomed and thank you in advance x

[missbonita]

I don't have any specific advice, but didn't want to read and run.

I have read threads like this before on MN, and it does seem to be an increasing problem with camera phones so readily available.

If it was me, I would lie to access his phone and check.

I am so sorry OP.

[Platterheed]

OP. I’m really uncomfortable reading this, so I have no idea how you feel right now.

Have you asked him why he’s doing this?

Have you looked to see if he keeps them on his phone/computer?

[PrettyLittIeThing]

This has really unsettled me reading this. Sorry but I couldn't stay with someone who does this! It's very worrying op, he could even be uploading them online.

[Wadingthroughshit]

I haven’t got experience in this exact area. But my recent ex constantly spoke with me about me having sex with other guys and filming it. He also put me on cam at least once while we were having sex without asking.

I would speak with your husband. Express your concern and absolute discomfort at this make it explicitly clear (although I don’t think you should have to, I think you should be able to go about your business without being filmed) that you do not consent to this behaviour? You are clearly uncomfortable about it, he is getting sexual gratification without consent. We could go into murky waters here.

[PositivelyPERF]

Who makes the cup of tea? You or him? The times that you e smelt something, did he make or go near your food or drink?

[Emma198]

Very unsettling OP. Could you set up a camera for a few nights to see? Even set your phone to record sound.... it wouldn't prove it definitely but it would give an idea. You can get an app so it only records when there is sound so you don't end up with hours to listen through.

[Ryder63]

This is horrible, OP. I feel weirded out just reading it. I'm wondering if he uploads them online too. He may well be abusing you in your sleep, and taking pics/videos of it. No advice as to legalities here but others will be along with knowledge.

[Cat12321]

Many moons ago I had a now ex who hid a camera in our bedroom and filmed me getting dressed etc. I found it and confronted him. Luckily, I got the SD card out before he could access the images.

It's scary stuff, OP. Please please confront him if you're feeling uneasy about it

[Ryder63]

Who makes the cup of tea? You or him? The times that you e smelt something, did he make or go near your food or drink?

OMG. Good point.

[JaimeeDodger]

Thank you for your replies, ladies. I’ve been really quiet all day and he keeps asking what’s wrong - the trouble is I feel like I need proof to be able to confront him.
Then again, I suppose it’s perfectly reasonable to say that I felt uncomfortable with him recording me.

My post is much like another I read; my husband too, is a very kind, intelligent and quiet man - the type of man no one would assume would behave this way. I almost feel like I’m going a bit bonkers but the behaviours all add up to something quite concerning. I suddenly feel very alone as it’s not something I can chat to my girlfriends about.

I will look to see if I can download an app to record sounds.
The other thing I didn’t mention was that he popped to the shops after we got out of bed and brought flowers home; almost as an act of guilt?!

[JaimeeDodger]

He made the tea this morning 😕

[Wadingthroughshit]

I could be wrong as I’m not legally trained, so shout at me if I am...but if he’s uploading, or even if he’s not, isn’t this a form of sexual exploitation? There is no consent...I’m guessing the lack of consent is part of it for him? I don’t want to come on too strong and go all guns blazing ... if there is penetration could this be classed as something else also, as OP in no position to offer consent ???

[eggcellent]

I'd demand to see his phone. What you said about the semen is extremely disturbing as well

[userofthiswebsite]

Could you get a nanny cam, you know the type people sometimes plant in elderly homes when they suspect a relative is being mal-treated by a visiting healthcare worker or some such.

[TiredMummy18]

I felt so uncomfortable reading all that, it sounds so perverted and vile. If it was me I’d make up a lie to use his phone, say you can’t find your phone and ask to use it to ring your mum or something and just go into another room, then go into the bathroom and lock the door, you can look properly that way without having to rush.

[yawning801]

No advice, didn't want to read and run though. Saying that, I feel very creeped out by that and would not be touching anyone like that with a bargepole.

[WhingyNinja]

Your post has given me chills, OP.

I really don't know what the best way to approach this issue is but I think maybe stop accepting drinks from him in the interim, just incase?

The waking up and smelling of semen is making me think me think he's assaulting you whilst asleep, which is just horrifying.

[Ryder63]

You are NOT alone, OP . MN is wonderful for its advice and support. I hope this horrid situation is resolved very quickly, one way or another.

[Platterheed]

As you can’t get into his Samsung, I would recommend his computer/cloud? Is he storing them? Circulating them? Keeping them for his own moments?

I would also make it clear you don’t like it and ask him to stop.

I’d have to ask him what he was doing, and what he was doing with the film/images.

Surely, this is illegal? You’re not consenting to him gathering naked images.

This is pretty unnerving by anyone’s standards. Good luck OP

[Emma198]

8 or 9 years ago I came home very drunk, and my then boyfriend was there. I'd been sick and he said I needed to get in the shower, he took my clothes off and sat me in the bottom of the shower. I noticed he was filming me and told him to stop, the next day I took his phone and checked and found a video of me sitting drunk in the shower, then camera moved down and he was stroking himself. Still makes me feel physically ill.

[ferriswheel]

Im divorcing an abusive h. From what ive experienced id steal his phone and take it to the police. But obviously if you do that your marriage will be over.

[WhingyNinja]

Everything he is doing is illegal/immoral. Spouse or no spouse. Definitely make a plan to access his phone and make it very clear that he is not to film you without your consent ever again. Creep.

[whatapickl]

Have you always been a heavy sleeper? Or since you've been with him?

[WhingyNinja]

Oh Emma that is so disgusting of your ex! What the fuck is wrong with some people!?