Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Thinking of ending a good relationship because I'm scared of being hurt

(11 Posts)
picatchoo Mon 30-Oct-17 20:37:08

I've been with my boyfriend for 5 months. Its going well, he's a lovely man, honest supportive calls when he says he will. We have a good time together and are both happy with the pace things are progressing at.
My problem is I can't stop worrying about the future. As for everything being great right now I can't see our relationship being long term. We are at different stages in life with him still living at home and me being a single parent to a 9yo.
I don't know if I should just be enjoying this for what it is whilst it lasts, it suits me right now as I had a bad break up just over 2 years ago and am not in any hurry to be moving in with anyone or getting too serious involving my child, but deep down one day I would like to find the right person to settle down with and I'm worried about wasting time and also getting hurt as obviously an attachment is growing between bf and I.
Sometimes I think I should cut my losses to save my feelings when this good thing inevitably comes to an end, but then I know that nothing is guaranteed anyway.
I have been medicated for anxiety in the past and feel quite anxious now, I've had lots of other life changes recently which may be adding to it.
Any advice gratefully received as I am so confused.

Myheartbelongsto Tue 31-Oct-17 00:08:47

Just enjoy it op.

tygr Tue 31-Oct-17 00:10:45

In a similar position 5 months in with a guy at a different life stage. It’s hard not to worry about getting hurt.

No advice but will read with interest. I have Asperger’s and also struggle with anxiety.

ferando81 Tue 31-Oct-17 00:33:16

Live for the moment -this time next year you could be dead.

springydaffs Tue 31-Oct-17 00:40:43

Cheery, ferando grin

PuertoVallarta Tue 31-Oct-17 01:37:27

I am in similar position but a few months further done the line.

We love each other but both are in limbo where we live now. Have both been applying for jobs all over the place including overseas and we (rightfully at this point?) make the decisions where to apply on our own. We do discuss our individual job hunts extensively.

Neither of us are tied to anywhere, but it seems too soon in the relationship to be relocating together. And it seems I cannot stop crying every time I am alone and think of us relocating separately.

I guess crunch time will happen when one of gets an opportunity somewhere else. I have told him I want to stay together until the absolute last moment. (I really meant, until one of us dies grin but let it sort of open to be interpreted as meaning until one of us moves. I am secretly hoping he'll come to the decision that our relationship is worth chancing everything for on his own. I know the odds of that happening are 50/50. So as a backup plan, I just enjoy our time together for now and bask in every second of his company and mostly keep my little cries to myself.)

Biddylee Tue 31-Oct-17 09:37:57

pica Have you had a chat to him? Talked about what you both want? I know when I'm not sure what long term expectations are that I start to get anxious.

Have you tried meditation for the anxiety? It 's not an instant fix but can help ut things in perspective.

Butterymuffin Tue 31-Oct-17 09:41:38

You need to not panic. Hard with anxiety I'm sure but don't make something into a problem before it is one and when it very well may not be one. Get treatment for your anxiety - ask your GP what is available in addition to medication.

picatchoo Tue 31-Oct-17 10:32:08

We have talked about how much we enjoy each others company and the not too distant future as in Christmas, holidays for next year. But also acknowledged that we haven't lived in real life yet, with him not meeting my child.
We have talked about that in passing as if it will happen but not time frames, I'm not ready and he's not pushy at all.
I guess it is too early to tell even if we were at same stages in life.
My ex promised me the world then cheated and I've worked really hard to get back to a good place, sometimes just feel like I can't face being hurt again.
I trust bf as much as I can and I'm pretty certain he wouldn't cheat or lie, he really is one of the good guys, I'm not scared of him hurting me in that way but I know that all relationship endings are painful.
I'm adverse to going back onto medication, they did help me a lot but I don't feel bad enough to need them now. In general I feel mostly healthy and happy just this niggling doubt that turns into a panic every once in a while. When I'm with him I feel relaxed.

HipsterAssassin Tue 31-Oct-17 11:09:28

Love is a risk. It's just how it is. Even if you were married for 20 years and financially secure and had kids there is still life to contend with - illness, accidents, infidelity.

Plus what about you? Can you say whether you want something long term? From the relative sanctuary and loved upness of your child-free bubble life is simple and therefore you can't know yet because you haven't seen the less desirable bits of each other. And you both have them!

Take time to build your relationship slowly from the bottom up. That way lie good foundations.

picatchoo Tue 31-Oct-17 20:45:52

Your right hipster, I know nothing is guaranteed you don't have to hang around this board for long to realise that, even after a lifetime people change and things go wrong.
I do want something long term eventually, I would love to find someone to grow old with, be a team with, obviously it's a bit too early to tell if I would want that with bf at this stage.
We both realise we're in a bubble at the moment with no immediate plans to change anything at the moment.
Guess I should just enjoy for now and see what happens.
Will look into natural ways of dealing with my anxiety too, I was managing it better before but with feeling ok those habits have died off.
Thanks all

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: