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Staying together for the kids

(2 Posts)
Peonylass Fri 20-Oct-17 21:47:07

I've not been on MN for a while.

Long story short my husband and I took on my sister's children after she died. They are both probably autistic (one is diagnosed with aspergers, the other on the waiting list for assessment). The last few years have been really hard. Their behaviour has at times been shocking to be honest.

Our marriage wasn't great before this. My husband is very passive aggressive and well, just passive all round, actually. wouldn't do stuff around the house, badwith money. He can be really competitive with the kids too.

Nearly 2 years ago he started saying he didn't want to be here any more. SO we went to counselling and basically I am overbearing etc etc. I shouldn't talk to him when he's relaxing, I am too demanding etc. etc.

6 months later he had a breakdown and just kinda stopped even the little that he was doing. He was off work nearly a year. A couple of months in, I told him he needed to go find himself, but he insisted we needed to stay together for the kids. And so here we are more than a year later.

I've done my best not to make demands on him, don't initiate conversation unless I specifically need to speak to him. I've noticed he's relaxed a bit, is happier in himself. He eventually started helping round the house, cooking even, when he was off work, and that's mostly continued. He's still shit with money.

However it's really hard having this distance - I am naturally quite outgoing. He doesn't like leaving the house (his favourite activities are playing with his phone, watching TV, napping and taking long baths) so I have benefitted from being able to take up hobbies and get out. fairly guilt free. But I hate the silence at home. He'd rarely initiate conversation himself and won't even look at me (when I am really fed up I wave at him from the other side of the room). He's not much better with the kids either.

I can't manage with these kids on my own. I can't afford a divorce financially (I am the main earner, but I'm not a big earner). So I can see the point in staying together. But not like this. Can't we even try to have a relationship?

Storminateacup74 Sat 21-Oct-17 08:30:49

My DH and I shouldn't still be together really. We don't really talk and watch tv in seperate rooms as our tastes are so different now. When I first met him we had so much in common but we have grown apart so much. Our main problem is the children they have come between us he thinks they are the worst behaved children and are so demanding but because he basically ignores them they play up to him. He also loves and adores the house (more tha us) so I am lucky in the fact I don't have to do any housework he keeps it spotless!!! If I could leave with the kids and had somewhere to go I would but because the house means so much to him he won't leave. Everybody else looks forward to the weekend but i hate it as have to all try to live together under the same roof!!!!

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