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Is this normal behaviour?

(268 Posts)
changeusernameforthisonen Mon 25-Sep-17 11:30:27

My partner left the family home last night supposedly temporarily after a row about her lack of ability to seem to be able to get out of bed on a weekend before mid day despite having an 8 year old step daughter to parent .

My question ?
Would you expect this behaviour of your partner?
She says she wants space and it's completely normal to leave for days post an argument . My opinion is that it's not ok to just leave the family home in a moments whim . For context we have been together 6 years , one Dd ( mine ) planned baby in next couple of years

dementedpixie Mon 25-Sep-17 11:32:18

Surely the dd is yours to parent rather than her responsibility

TheRealBiscuitAddict Mon 25-Sep-17 11:34:05

Leaving the home in the heat of an argument isn't something I would put up with, however wrt the stepdaughter, the parenting responsibility is yours not hers.

changeusernameforthisonen Mon 25-Sep-17 11:37:03

Why is for me and not her ?
Genuinely confused there.
She is a step parent and wants parental rights .
She also wants me to support her having a baby . She needs to be able to treat both children the same.

changeusernameforthisonen Mon 25-Sep-17 11:38:38

We are taking 12pm to 2pm sometimes . Dd and I are waiting around for her to wake up so we can have a family outing .

Mama234 Mon 25-Sep-17 11:39:36

Could she be suffering from depression?

maxthemartian Mon 25-Sep-17 11:40:00

Parent your own child!

changeusernameforthisonen Mon 25-Sep-17 11:40:54

Could somebody please explain why my partner as a step pArent should not parent our child please .

Belindaboom Mon 25-Sep-17 11:40:56

if you're there why is she needed to parent?

Belindaboom Mon 25-Sep-17 11:41:30

It's not "our" child though - it's yours?

changeusernameforthisonen Mon 25-Sep-17 11:42:07

My partner calls her "our " child .

Stickaforkinimdone Mon 25-Sep-17 11:43:30

Does your daughter live with you both fulltime? Does your partner have legal PR for her? How long has your partner been your daughters step parent for?

changeusernameforthisonen Mon 25-Sep-17 11:43:53

If we have a new baby coming into the house , we had agreed my partner would treat both children the same.
I think it's really unacceptable for her to think it's ok to sleep in until 2pm whilst myself and DD are waiting for her to wake up for us to go out together as planned .

Am I really in the wrong here ?
This is a genuine serious question

cupcakesmakeyouhappy Mon 25-Sep-17 11:44:22

I could not be with someone who stayed in bed until midday. I definitely wouldn't be waiting around. I would be off out for the day 'parenting' on my own.

trevthecat Mon 25-Sep-17 11:44:30

I have 2 children from a previous relationship. I do not expect my partner to parent my children in this way. He may be a step parent and a fantastic one at that but they are my children and he is entitled to a lie in. It's your dd not hers.

changeusernameforthisonen Mon 25-Sep-17 11:44:44

Yes she lives with us full time .
No my partner does not have parental rights legally but has asked me to legally change this .

changeusernameforthisonen Mon 25-Sep-17 11:45:37

My partner has lived with us full time for 2 years and 4 nights a week for 4 years previously to that

Mama234 Mon 25-Sep-17 11:47:30

Has she always been like this? I mean if you have been together for 6 years that's a pretty long time long enough for you to be settled in your life together used to routine, Is the lieing in for half the day a new thing?Have you actually asked her if she is ok? How she is feeling? If she has left the house over this something is obviously going on with her. Have you tried to get her to open up to you?

Wontbedoingthatanytimesoon Mon 25-Sep-17 11:47:40

does she work during the week or get up early for other tasks?

she probably wants a lie in you cannot dictate her life!

its not as if SD is alone with nobody to care for her.

maybe you should try and plan your day around her instead of trying to make her plan her life around you and SD!

Belindaboom Mon 25-Sep-17 11:48:00

Is it every weekend or is this a one off?

I think you've phrased it badly which is why you're getting these responses. Is your question not less about her parenting a child and more just that you want her to get up?

changeusernameforthisonen Mon 25-Sep-17 11:48:17

Maybe it is me then and I should not
Expect her to get up .

Seems bizarre though .
My dd mentions it all the time .

I dread to think what she will think when we have a baby and my partner has to get up .

TheRealBiscuitAddict Mon 25-Sep-17 11:49:43

Ok there appear to be multiple issues here. The first is that she doesn't get out of bed until 2 PM meaning you're waiting for her before going out. If this is a regular thing then you can take control of this by simply going out without her.

I don't disagree with the notion that if she is going to have children then all children should be treated equally, but at the moment the child in your house is yours. Having said that, does your DD live with you full time or is her mum still in the picture? Because that equally will make a difference to the responses here. If a child lives somewhere full-time then both adults should, IMO be involved in that child's life. However if she e.g. Only comes to stay every other weekend then while I wouldn't expect the step parent to step entirely out of the equation I would expect the biological parent to be the one who did the actual parenting.

If you're not married then it is highly unlikely that she would be granted parental responsibility, similarly if you only have arranged contact and her mother is still in the picture.

And if she's unable to get out of bed until 2 in the afternoon I wouldn't be looking to have any more babies at this stage. PS, I would say that regardless of whether it was a man or a woman.

Ellisandra Mon 25-Sep-17 11:49:43

Well firstly, forget all ideas about a baby whilst your relationship is like this.

Is this a one off? If it's not, you shouldn't have been talking about babies anyway.

I don't think that a parent or stepparent should leave home after an argument if it's going to be unsettling for the child.

I also don't think it's good behaviour for a parent or stepparent to stay in bed if arrangements have been made to go out for the day

But your post is very sparse.
What this planned and she didn't bother getting up? And it happens all the time?
Or did she just want a rare lie in and you refused to parent alone to allow that?

This isn't a step issue for me - there's not enough info at all.

There must be a back story.

Goldmandra Mon 25-Sep-17 11:50:01

If she would like parental responsibility it perfectly reasonable to ask her to start being a parent beforehand.

Does she think taking on your DD is required in order for you to agree to having a baby together?

changeusernameforthisonen Mon 25-Sep-17 11:50:29

She does it every weekend .
Has done , I've been asking her to change for years )
My Dd goes to her dad EOW so my Dp has plenty of time to sleep in then .

I just think it's unacceptable she does it every weekend we have Dd and want to have family days

She works full time 9-5 .

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