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3 sharing a room? Right or wrong?

(205 Posts)
SnowLeopard6 Thu 21-Sep-17 14:39:26

So, my gf and I are about to all live together. Her 3 children, and my 2. Into my house. We are planning to have an extension built. But in the meantime we are going to have to squeeze in.

My concern is this:
The youngest 3 are going to have to share a room. My 8yr boy, and 5yr daughter, and my gf's 8yr old son.

The room is currently my sons. My daughter will be giving up her room for my gf's teenage daughter. My children stay 2 nights a week and every other wknd. Gf's son will be in the room most of the time apart from every other wknd at his dads.

So every other wknd they will all be in the room, and 2 nights during the week. Rest of the time it'll just be my gf's son.

This is the current plan anyway - I'm not sure I'm comfortable about it. In reality the extension will be a year away, we having had drawings done yet, nevermind the build process.

Is it fair on them to share? Is it reasonable? Feel worried that my children will feel like it's not their home anymore. Like they are just coming to stay in someone elses bedroom. It will be my gf's sons bedroom most of the time. I can't imagaine this will be very nice for them. Equally I appreciate my gf's children will no longer be in their home so strange for them too.

Please share your thoughts on this. Good and bad. Can't quite see the wood through the trees if you know what I mean. Am I over thinking this?

Kr1s Thu 21-Sep-17 14:50:12

It's not a good plan and you need to re think

maxthemartian Thu 21-Sep-17 14:50:39

I might get some eye rolls for this but I would not want my very young daughter sharing with an older unrelated male.

LovingLola Thu 21-Sep-17 14:52:24

It sounds awful. Don't put any of those children through that.

Cakefortea1 Thu 21-Sep-17 14:53:00

Id hold off moving in together until the extension was done.

TiramisuQueenoftheFaeries Thu 21-Sep-17 14:53:33

This sounds like a horrible idea. I think you should postpone the move until you have space to house all your children.

Notearsgoodbye Thu 21-Sep-17 14:54:00

Have you ever lived in a house during an extension? Why not do it first then have them move in?

Silverthorn Thu 21-Sep-17 14:54:45

What are the other childrens ages and gender? How many rooms currently? 3bed? So are older 2 sharing or away for uni?
5yo girl should not share with 8yo boys. Can you convert a dining room into a temporary room until extension is done?

Onecutefox Thu 21-Sep-17 14:54:56

What do your children think of room sharing? You need to ask them as well as otherwise it could create a tension between children. If possible I would rent something bigger.

TwitterQueen1 Thu 21-Sep-17 14:54:57

A recipe for disaster. Don't do it. The children will hate it.

EverythingEverywhere1234 Thu 21-Sep-17 14:55:05

That is a terrible plan. Don't be so selfish.

SpareChangeDownTheSofa Thu 21-Sep-17 14:55:35

I agree, wait until the extension is done.

LovingLola Thu 21-Sep-17 14:55:36

Also are you missing a child? You speak about your girlfriend's teenage daughter (who will be taking over your own 5 year old daughter's bedroom) and also your girlfriend's 8 year old son (who will share with your own 2 children). In your op you say that she has 3 children. What age is the 3rd one and what are the room arrangements for that child?

BertrandRussell Thu 21-Sep-17 14:55:52

If you describe the rooms you've got maybe someone can come up with a solution?

Max- you did notice that the "older male" was 8, didn't you?

Anotherdayanotherdollar Thu 21-Sep-17 14:59:44

So both of your kids will be giving up their rooms to people who will get to live with you more than they do?
It doesn't sound very nice for them. Like they've been pushed out...

Finola1step Thu 21-Sep-17 15:00:30

How many bedrooms do you have in total?

centreyourself Thu 21-Sep-17 15:02:49

I'm sorry snowleopard but you are absolutely right. It will not be very nice for the children. Your girlfriend's son will see your children as interlopers on the two nights a week they stay in his room (as he will see it). Your children will indeed feel like outsiders. that is apart from the worry of a 5yo girl sharing with an 8 yo boy who is effectively a stranger
Living through an extension will test your relationship to the limits as if all the moaning and arguing from the kids will not

Your ex might justifiably be unhappy with the way children are accommodated when with you. Tension all round.

maxthemartian Thu 21-Sep-17 15:04:08

That's why I said I knew I'd get some eye rolls. Unfortunately I know of a situation where the male was only a year or two older than this.

SendintheArdwolves Thu 21-Sep-17 15:05:23

I agree, it sounds like this isn't going to work - why don't you and your girlfriend hold off living together until you can afford somewhere bigger?

I get that that might not be as nice for you, but there are seven people here to consider, not just the two of you.

SnowLeopard6 Thu 21-Sep-17 15:08:08

I didn't think 8 and 5 would be a problem, regardless of boy or girl. But maybe i'm wrong.

Sorry - the 3rd child isn't actually a child, away at uni and I have a annex is the garden that he will use when he is back. Not suitable for any other the other children though given their ages.

We have a living room, kitchen diner, 2 double rooms, and a single room. Any ideas are more than welcome!

The money to complete the extension is coming partly from the sale of my gf's house, and the savings we would make from having 2 incomes but only 1 of bills.

Selfish...not nice to be called that but in reality that's why i've enlisted the help of you all - because I'm aware that this doesn't seem right. Although it is for a greater good, my instincts are telling me to think twice.

Have posed the idea to the kids, they didn't seem too phased by it - but that doesn't mean too much given their age and more intersted in playing with lego than talking to me about something in the future

SnowLeopard6 Thu 21-Sep-17 15:10:15

Yep, can totally see my ex not being impressed.

Thanks everyone

Brenna24 Thu 21-Sep-17 15:17:38

Can you and the gf uses the living room as your bedroom while the building work is going on, her kids get 1 room each and yours share your double? Not much fun for you maybe, but not forever.

LovingLola Thu 21-Sep-17 15:18:51

Whose greater good is it for? Not the children's I would think.
How long have you been together? Do the children know each other very well?

RB68 Thu 21-Sep-17 15:21:59

If the kids get on fine will be ok SHORT TERM

However other options could be allowing the teen to sleep on a sofa or parents doing sofa bed when other kids there and they take your room

Evelynismyspyname Thu 21-Sep-17 15:22:34

It possibly isn't for the greater good while you don't have enough space Snowleopard !

Without a dining room or other dispensable room to use as a temporary bedroom until the extension is done, and without massive rooms which can be divided, it sounds a bad idea.

The children will resent it fairly quickly. We had an additional child move in permanently with us as children and those of us not sharing a room with her were perfectly happy and didn't resent her. However the sibling closest to her age who had been eager before hand to share her (large double) room very quickly came to strongly resent her and feel pushed out. That was only with one extra child and a big bedroom.

If one of your children wanted to move her best friend in to live in her room, and part of the deal was best friend's dad gets a single bed in the corner of your room, you probably wouldn't think that was for the greater good, even if he paid half the bills wink

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