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End of an affair

(103 Posts)
Userr123 Sun 29-Jan-17 18:43:43

Hi,
I am a happily married mom of 2, have been with H for 10 years.
6 months ago I started an affair with a work colleague, the connection between us has been incredible, we talk for hours each day, and have met up 4 times for sex, which has been amazing. I feel he could be my soul mate.
2 months into the affair I discovered his wife was pregnant, he already has a 1 year old. I was shocked, but we both agreed to stay together but would end it before his son was due in Feb.
Well that's now come, and we've put an end to it.
I am literally devastated.
He still wants to speak like before (on our commutes into work), but no more physical contact. But I know it will be too hard as I still want so much more.
I know it will be difficult as we do work together, however, not too closely.
Do I need to break off all contact?

Foldedtshirt Sun 29-Jan-17 18:46:27

Yes flowers
...in a spirit of no use crying over spilt milk etc. let's not go into why what happened did, what on earth were you thinking etc. although I'm sure many will be along to.

AllPowerfulLizardPerson Sun 29-Jan-17 18:46:48

I think you have an unusual definition of happily married - or is you marriage an open one by consent from both spouses?

Yes, break all contact. Dust off your CV and start job hunting. Also see in the short term if you can alter your hours, even by a little but, so you are not routinely on the same commute.

Userr123 Sun 29-Jan-17 18:48:40

It's happy, but we just don't talk anymore, not like me and OM. H is not interested in my work, I have a stressful job.
I feel like I could have space in my life for both. But now this will never happen.

user1485639128 Sun 29-Jan-17 18:48:55

If you have feelings for this man, then cutting off all contact will be better for your own sanity.

KateDaniels2 Sun 29-Jan-17 18:51:27

Oh bless you. So brave of you both to shag all the way through her pregnancy but stop before the baby is born.

Sounds like loves young dream.

Get a grip. You arent happily married you are shagging around. You have veen doing simething awful and the OM isnt a good man either.

Userr123 Sun 29-Jan-17 18:52:09

I just feel if we remain in touch, there's a good chance things will start up again, which is what I want.

SenoritaViva Sun 29-Jan-17 19:00:16

It might be what you want but you need to walk away, for the children's sake.

Costacoffeeplease Sun 29-Jan-17 19:01:16

I hope his wife has had sti checks or both her and the baby may be at risk - you may not be the only one he's been shagging extra-maritally - maybe get yourself checked out too

So romantic isn't it?

PigletWasPoohsFriend Sun 29-Jan-17 19:03:07

I just feel if we remain in touch, there's a good chance things will start up again, which is what I want.

Then maybe you should tell your DH that you have been shagging someone else behind his back, whilst tge OM gf is pregnant.

Let your DH be with someone that actually wants to be with him.

Backt0Black Sun 29-Jan-17 19:04:08

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Backt0Black Sun 29-Jan-17 19:05:33

ha ha ha .... just re-reading your post. It's all about YOU and YOUR feelings. Either you're a troll or really quite emotionally stunted or just morally bankrupt?

Kr1stina Sun 29-Jan-17 19:07:59

You should move job.

And you should tell your husband so he has the chance to have amazing sex with a soul mate, just as you have done.

DownWithThisSortaThing Sun 29-Jan-17 19:08:21

Maybe just try to put aside just your own feelings about it - just for one moment - and think about the woman whose husband you've been shagging all the way through her pregnancy, her innocent 1 year old child, and your own poor husband and 2 children, all of whose lives will be ripped apart by this.

And then grow up and develop a conscience.

ivykaty44 Sun 29-Jan-17 19:13:44

Just go cold turkey and get this man out if your life. Whatever it was you were looking for isn't here.

Look at your own marriage and see if you put all your effort into that you can make it work for your family.

Good luck.

Perhaps some of the posters on here should walk a mile in others shoes before they get so judgemental.

clarinsgirl Sun 29-Jan-17 19:16:37

Eh? You have space in your life for both. Nice. Either you're a troll or a self centred shit bag.

Userr123 Sun 29-Jan-17 19:17:01

Thanks ivykaty44 for your compassion.

I need the harsh words, I know I would say the same to my friends.
I've not been able to tell anyone, and am aware on paper it sounds terrible.

Ilovecaindingle Sun 29-Jan-17 19:17:11

His marriage is fine. . He has been having unprotected sex with his dw. Now they have 2 kids. . Walk away. .

SoupDragon Sun 29-Jan-17 19:18:14

we just don't talk anymore

Probably because you're too busy shagging another man.

SoupDragon Sun 29-Jan-17 19:19:27

Perhaps some of the posters on here should walk a mile in others shoes before they get so judgemental.

I've walked a mile in the wife/husbands shoes so I'll be as judgemental as I damn well like.

Costacoffeeplease Sun 29-Jan-17 19:20:09

They're not shoes I would ever have any desire to walk in, thanks all the same

TreeTop7 Sun 29-Jan-17 19:20:37

I ageee with the cold turkey advice. You'd just be tormenting yourself. Avoid him on the commute and at work if possible - request a transfer if it is feasible and you can do so without raising suspicions.

Work on your marriage, or kindly cut your husband loose if you feel there's no future. Think hard about what he deserves and whether you can provide it.

ivykaty44 Sun 29-Jan-17 19:20:39

Talking is best done out of the house op.

Put the effort in at making your marriage work - soupdragon is right, your to busy elsewhere.

gamerchick Sun 29-Jan-17 19:22:05

Maybe its time to put your marriage under a bright light. It hurts my middle to even think about fucking about behind my husbands back, if I went there then something must be really wrong.

Now your husband has to watch you grieve for another man while not having a clue what's wrong.

You're not being fair OP.

NoFuckingRoomOnMyBroom Sun 29-Jan-17 19:24:24

Well you both sound fucking delightful hmm
Feel very, very sorry for your husband & your fuck buddies pregnant girlfriend. Utter, utter cunts-both of you. You might think you're happily married but why not tell your DH about the fact you've been shagging someone behind his back & see if he agrees?

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