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Original poster

End of an affair

102 replies

Userr123 · 29/01/2017 18:43

Hi,
I am a happily married mom of 2, have been with H for 10 years.
6 months ago I started an affair with a work colleague, the connection between us has been incredible, we talk for hours each day, and have met up 4 times for sex, which has been amazing. I feel he could be my soul mate.
2 months into the affair I discovered his wife was pregnant, he already has a 1 year old. I was shocked, but we both agreed to stay together but would end it before his son was due in Feb.
Well that's now come, and we've put an end to it.
I am literally devastated.
He still wants to speak like before (on our commutes into work), but no more physical contact. But I know it will be too hard as I still want so much more.
I know it will be difficult as we do work together, however, not too closely.
Do I need to break off all contact?

OP posts:
Adora10 · 30/01/2017 13:22

Oh that line that gets trotted out.

Every time, imagine if this was you, would you really go onto an internet forum and not expect criticism, the OP doesn't even sound remotely bothered, it's all about how she can keep away from shagging him.

thisisrealrose · 30/01/2017 13:40

Op is asking for advice who sounds like she has fallen in love no one is normalising it and everyone is entitled to their opinion of course! These things happen.

MommaGee · 30/01/2017 14:03

if she's in love with mother man then she's not happily marries is she.

Of course people are judgemental - she's sleeping with a married man with one child and one on the way
Knowingly
And without any sense of shame or regret or embarrassment

Adora10 · 30/01/2017 14:06

These things happen

Eh no they don't, two people made it happen, it's not a thing, it's a premeditated worked out plan to lie and deceive.

Aderyn2016 · 30/01/2017 14:26

Leaving aside all the stuff that you already know, regarding what sort of person you are, think about the end game here. He is not a good person - he is a man who lies and cheats on the person he is supposed to love most in the world. A woman who he betrayed at one of the most vulnerable times in her life. Is that a man worth risking a happy marriage and the security of your family for? Do you really want to end up stuck with him, washing his skiddy pants and doing all the boring, routine stuff that real life consist of? Would you trade your children's happiness for a man so unworthy?
If your dh finds out, you may well lose your dc as well as your marriage. Is he worth losing your children for? Even if your dh stays with you, he will never trust you and he will struggle to respect you because what you are doing is so utterly cold.

It is easy to get carried away, affairs do that. But you have to look at it in the cold light of day and consider what sort of man he is and what you stand to lose.

ohtheholidays · 30/01/2017 14:26

A friend of mine has been the pregnant wife,she's not long had her baby and her fuckwit Husband was screwing around and has now gone off with the OW,the OW didn't know about her at first but after she found out she stayed with him,the OW if a fucking idiot,not only did her declare his undying love for my friend(his wife)he started sleeping with his wife again.

Luckily his wife has seen sense and let him go but he's still messaging his wife and he's now been caught messaging other women,the OW's seen the proof of all this but is still staying with him.

Carry on the way you have been OP and you could very well lose your DH and end up with a man that's having sex with any woman he can!

You need to think about how this would affect your DC and his DC as well as your husband and his wife!
You could end up ruining a lot of life's!

Aderyn2016 · 30/01/2017 14:29

Actually, I believe the OP when she says she is happily married. People don't always cheat because their relationships are miserable. They do it for numerous reasons - because the opportunity presented itself and they didn't think they'd get caught/do harm, because they are a bit bored, they enjoy the ego stroke of the attention etc. What they have in common is selfishness and a sense of entitlement and disregard for other people.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 30/01/2017 14:31

These things happen.

No people make a conscious decision. No one forced the OP into this situation.

Buzzardbird · 30/01/2017 14:45

The OM's poor wife could well be on this site as she is about to have her second child, reading this and realising that it could possibly be her husband. It's her I am most concerned about.

MissMrsMsXX · 30/01/2017 14:49

Start thinking about ending things with your H, your marriage sounds dull if you need excitement elsewhere, let alone the respect you clearly don't have for your H.

Get a new job.

Be brave.

As for the affair, it's gross and seedy and wreaks of desperation from both of you. How you can be devastated not be with a with a man with a small child and a pregnant wife who happily fucks someone else whilst playing happy families, I've no idea.

Mumofttwins · 30/01/2017 14:53

It's not February yet OP........ You've still got time to shag about with your vile OM, whilst your poor DH and OMs poor pregnant partner are oblivious.

I cannot believe how blatant you've been. I'm literally Shock

I'd say a good look at yourself in the mirror is what you need!

JustHereForThePooStories · 30/01/2017 15:06

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Haribogirl · 30/01/2017 15:24

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AddToBasket · 30/01/2017 15:45

How do you know they are terrible people? They might have met working round the clock to find a cure for a rare childhood cancer.

Is it possible that life is not as black and white? And that people In different situations might benefit from non-hyperbolic help?

BumDNC · 30/01/2017 16:01

I think it benefits people to face the reality of their actions. Right now OP has only confessed anon online forum, to strangers to gather opinions. We can't KNOW and never will know anything about the massively complex human brain and all of the reasons (which could be excuses) that surround choosing to have this kind of life.
It's a choice, and in the opinion of the majority of people it's a bad choice regardless or any of the other factors involved.

Cheating and lies for sex/attention/feeling wanted can be understood with remorse and regret. People forgive and move forward. Where there is little of that, people can't see any remorse and see a lack of morality and compassion, which makes them feel zero compassion. It's a human reaction to a scenario:

Person who feels bereft but remorseful and shameful and wants to know what to do to put things right and learn from mistakes

Person who doesn't seem to acknowledge part in the scenario, doesn't appear remorseful

They will get different responses

Pinkapple47 · 30/01/2017 16:08

Please tell your husband and his wife.
Last year my partner was cheating until I found out when I was 6 month pregnant, it was devestating but I'm so glad I know, im still with him and ow husband does not know, as much as I've tried I cant get in touch with him. This woman and her children deserve to know, as does your husband so they can both be checked.
Fyi, I bet you're not the only woman he's shagging so you should probably get tested too.
On the plus side for you, she will probably leave her dp so you can have him to yourself.

MommaGee · 30/01/2017 16:22

How do you know they are terrible people? They might have met working round the clock to find a cure for a rare childhood cancer.

Well that's ok then. I'm sure his pregnant wife and the father of OP's kids will think its ok to fk other people behind their backs. That's what makes them terrible people. They dont get to screw with peoples lives but it be ok cos they're probably nice in other parts of their life

MommaGee · 30/01/2017 16:23

pinkapple Flowers

I'm so sorry you had to go through that and honestly dont know how you stayed in. I hope you and the baby are ok x

Adora10 · 30/01/2017 16:27

How do you know they are terrible people
Cos they sound like a pair of selfish twats, will that do?

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 30/01/2017 16:29

How do you know they are terrible people? They might have met working round the clock to find a cure for a rare childhood cancer.

Right, I'm sure that will be of little consolation to her DH and his pregnant DW.

Plus they couldn't have been working around the clock as they seem to have found time to conduct an affair!

ohdofeckoffnowdear · 30/01/2017 16:45

My ex was shagging a work friend when I was pregnant. Years later it still hurts and it broke my family apart.

There is a special place in hell for people like you. I hope you get found out. You do not deserve any happiness

Adora10 · 30/01/2017 17:04

They might have met working round the clock to find a cure for a rare childhood cancer

Yeah, they both sound like really caring people and like to work for the good of others.

AddToBasket · 30/01/2017 18:35

Yeah, because the caring professions are immune from infidelity and the only people who could possible screw up are investment bankers and similarly evil folk.

Black/white thinking is completely delusional. I can understand why wronged spouses go bonkers and can't accept that there are all types of people making all types of decisions and it is all very human. But I'm not sure that that is justification for vilifying OW who come on these boards looking for help.

And don't pretend that these frank views are actually trying to help, they are hardly empathetic persuasion. They are really just an anger vent at someone else's expense.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 30/01/2017 18:42

But I'm not sure that that is justification for vilifying OW who come on these boards looking for help.

OW that have some insight into the damage thet have caused and are remorseful do tend to get help those that are only interested in what about mmmmmeeeeeeeee, less so

Magzmarsh · 30/01/2017 19:30

You're addicted to the risk and rush the affair, not the guy you're having it with.

Imagine yourself doing mundane, boring things with him...trundling a trolley round Aldi, arguing over who's turn it is to put the bins out. Pretty crap eh? That would be your existence once the sex wore off.

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