Hello Ladies,
Where to start? You are probably wondering why I am coming to you for advice on this matter, however I am trying to see things from the mother's perspective. I am probably going to be shut down for my male, narrow minded thoughts, but this is where I need clarification.
So.... I have to laugh at myself everytime I talk about this situation, I find it hard to believe that I even fell into this situation. However as they say you can not help who you fall in love with. I am currently a 29 year old professional living with my 40 year old partner and her three children. We have been living together for 6 months and dating for approximately three years.
We met a few years before this at work and had built up a strong relationship over the years prior to dating.
Everything prior to moving in was great. We had a great relationship and I had a strong relationship with her children. When things got a little "overwhelming" I could always retreat to my bachelor pad and have my own time and space.
However, when my lease came up, I came to a fork on whether to find another place or to take up the offer from her, with extra encouragement from her friends and family to make the dive and move in together.
Although I have been in a few very serious relationships prior to this, I have never made the full commitment to move in with my partner. I think subconsciously this was to be the same, but it did make sense for me to help support her and her children instead of pay rent and utilities on a place I would barely stay at.
However, shortly after moving in, I decided to give up smoking. A stupid decision when under pressure shortly moving in, but decided to do it. As well, at the same time she started a new job, as I begun a new promotion. Lots has been happening!
However, I find this has all been too much. We are fighting for the first time in our relationship. Not about serious matters, but petty, immature shit! She is studying, when she gets home, I am working and I am angry that she is not finding a little bit of time just for us.
I feel like I am the fifth and last person in line. I know I should not be selfish, I know she has children and study, but I feel as if I am making a heinous request if I mention let's spend some time together.
I know family is hard, and I am trying to take some of the pressure off her, but I can not take the pressure of coping the heat for only trying to make a relationship work.
I want to move out, but doing that I don't know if the relationship will last. Her new job does not make her as financially secure as her previous job and child support is basically nil. I know she would be in a lot of trouble without me, however I do not want to stay if she only wants me here if it is for financial support as well.
I try to bring the conversation up, however it gets blown off each time.
Ladies, please assist.
Thanks,
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
Dating a Mother and her Gang of Three
AManDaAustralia · 18/04/2016 12:38
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