Dating a Mother and her Gang of Three

[AManDaAustralia]

Hello Ladies,

Where to start? You are probably wondering why I am coming to you for advice on this matter, however I am trying to see things from the mother's perspective. I am probably going to be shut down for my male, narrow minded thoughts, but this is where I need clarification.

So.... I have to laugh at myself everytime I talk about this situation, I find it hard to believe that I even fell into this situation. However as they say you can not help who you fall in love with. I am currently a 29 year old professional living with my 40 year old partner and her three children. We have been living together for 6 months and dating for approximately three years.

We met a few years before this at work and had built up a strong relationship over the years prior to dating.

Everything prior to moving in was great. We had a great relationship and I had a strong relationship with her children. When things got a little "overwhelming" I could always retreat to my bachelor pad and have my own time and space.

However, when my lease came up, I came to a fork on whether to find another place or to take up the offer from her, with extra encouragement from her friends and family to make the dive and move in together.

Although I have been in a few very serious relationships prior to this, I have never made the full commitment to move in with my partner. I think subconsciously this was to be the same, but it did make sense for me to help support her and her children instead of pay rent and utilities on a place I would barely stay at.

However, shortly after moving in, I decided to give up smoking. A stupid decision when under pressure shortly moving in, but decided to do it. As well, at the same time she started a new job, as I begun a new promotion. Lots has been happening!

However, I find this has all been too much. We are fighting for the first time in our relationship. Not about serious matters, but petty, immature shit! She is studying, when she gets home, I am working and I am angry that she is not finding a little bit of time just for us.

I feel like I am the fifth and last person in line. I know I should not be selfish, I know she has children and study, but I feel as if I am making a heinous request if I mention let's spend some time together.

I know family is hard, and I am trying to take some of the pressure off her, but I can not take the pressure of coping the heat for only trying to make a relationship work.

I want to move out, but doing that I don't know if the relationship will last. Her new job does not make her as financially secure as her previous job and child support is basically nil. I know she would be in a lot of trouble without me, however I do not want to stay if she only wants me here if it is for financial support as well.

I try to bring the conversation up, however it gets blown off each time.

Ladies, please assist.

Thanks,

[CloneMeNow]

As a lay-dee (sorry) with 3 DC who has just finished a looooong period of studying, I can tell you that (especially in the final year of studying - don't know where your GF is with her course) I would have absolutely snapped if my DH had put any pressure on me in the last year about time for "us". It was all I could do to manage kids, work and studying.

The best thing he could have done (though in fact he didn't) would to have been extra supportive - lots of "oh, I'll take care of that for you" or kindly cups of coffee made for me when I was snatching an extra hour of study here and there. A bit of taking the kids out while I was working wouldn't have hurt. And just a smiley face and nice comments about how well I was coping (even when I wasn't) would have really iced the cake.

IMO, this is a chance for you to step up and make yourself a strong partner - and what will naturally come from that is her wanting to spend more time with you because it's so bloody great to be with you. Plus, when her studying is finished, she'll have a rush of appreciation for you and you'll recoup lots of benefits of time and attention then.

That's assuming she's a nice, normal person obviously and not a selfish cow who is just using you as a financial prop. And assuming that you are a nice, normal person and not an immature, needy man child who is just using her as a surrogate mum. These kind of stressful situations are where the good relationships get better.

[MypocketsarelikeNarnia]

Not precious at all. Just know when I'm being trolled...

[blindsider]

Not precious at all. Just know when I'm being trolled...

Jeez how is your life of cynicism and mistrust working out for you?

[WhatALoadOfOldBollocks]

AManDa was your partner studying before you moved in with her?

As an aside, I can't imagine trying to run a house, raise children, work, and study at the same time, let alone have a relationship too. That's quite a workload.