Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

I did it. Hes been arrested

(240 Posts)
Means2anend Thu 18-Feb-16 00:40:21

Just need to talk i posted a while ago about abusive boyfriend. He slapped me a few times tonight in front of our son and i called the police and hes been arrested. Ive never reported him before but i just knew this was my chance to get out.
So the police have just left and advised me to stay in a hotel tonight till the dv people can call me tomoro.
I just needed to tell someone, ive got no friends and dont want to tell my family right now.
Any advice on important things to do/pack now and what to do going forward would be good if anyone can help

VimFuego101 Thu 18-Feb-16 00:44:11

Well done, and hope you're OK. I would grab birth cents, passports, any photos/ sentimental items that you can (just in case he were to destroy them), a copy of his pay slip, rental contract/ mortgage details, your son's favorite teddy/ blanket, a phone charger, keys to back doors/ garage/ any other way of getting in just in case he tries to change locks. I'm sure other posters will be along with more ideas.

Angeladelight Thu 18-Feb-16 00:44:24

So sorry you've gone through this sad I really hope this means life will get easier for you from here on out. Make sure you take all important documents with you, passports, bank info etc. Just in case DP tries to take these things from you behind your back. And just all the essentials you and DC need to be comfortable away from home. Sorry I can't be more help flowers

VimFuego101 Thu 18-Feb-16 00:45:20

www.womensaid.org.uk

Means2anend Thu 18-Feb-16 00:45:40

And what happens with the hotel do i jist ring and book a room for tonight? Wont i have to check out early in the morning? Then wot do me and son do? Or should i book for 2 night? I was thibking to pack as much as i can in a suitcase and take with us to hotel should i do that? Sorry i have no idea what i should be doing right now

Means2anend Thu 18-Feb-16 00:47:46

Thankyou ok im making a list so i can just go upstairs and pack stuff without disturbing son too much untill we need to leave.

AllChangeLife Thu 18-Feb-16 00:50:26

If you can afford it book 2 nights. That means you can leave things at the hotel while you arrange somewhere to stay afterwards. Passports, birth certs, bank details, any easy paperwork you can get your hands on. Clothes/toys etc.

Make a list then pack. Bring things for your comfort too as well as your dc. I pod for music to sleep to. Laptop/tablet etc.

Well done for being so strong.

VimFuego101 Thu 18-Feb-16 00:52:21

You would normally be expected to check out at 11am. I would try and call Woman's aid first thing (or the police, to chase up that call from the DV unit) to see what your options are? And then you can just stop by reception and arrange to stay another night if needed. Hopefully you'll be able to speak to someone in the morning and get the ball rolling with everything.

Means2anend Thu 18-Feb-16 00:55:18

Thankyou for replying so quickly my brains not working properly right now this is helping thanks. Will book for one night then can add another night if i need to in the morning. Going to start packing now. Cant believe ive finally done it

AllChangeLife Thu 18-Feb-16 00:59:25

Phone chargers
Toothbrush

AllChangeLife Thu 18-Feb-16 01:00:45

Thinking of ideas for your list

You sound amazingly calm, well done!

DorynownotFloundering Thu 18-Feb-16 01:02:27

Bloody well done OP . 😃👍

SolidGoldBrass Thu 18-Feb-16 01:09:28

If he's been arrested, surely he should be in a cell and unable to come back and harass you tonight. I'm not sure you've been given the best advice by the police. You should be able to lock him out and, if he comes back and causes a disturbance, phone the police again to have him removed again. Then tomorrow you should be able to apply for a court order to keep him away.

AreBags Thu 18-Feb-16 01:10:57

You're amazing. Keep going.

AreBags Thu 18-Feb-16 01:13:11

Get you all in a hotel, no matter how cheap, and stay there for as long as you can afford/until you know whats happening. It can be fun not just for DCs but for you - eat your bodyweight in croissants tomorrow.
And again, well done, be strong, you've done the hardest bit now.

lorelei9 Thu 18-Feb-16 01:23:54

Solid, that's what I thought.....sure,y they at least keep him overnight so that OP and DC don't have to go to a hotel?

Means2anend Thu 18-Feb-16 01:24:57

They said they can mark the file to say they have to let me know when hes released but i should get out of here tonight just in case that doesnt happen. Tenancy in his name. Ive just packed a case but its really really heavy and i dont know how im going to get sleeping son and all our stuff into hotel. Need to book hotel now so going to google one just out of the area so i know we r safe. Im not calm im shitting myself but need to get this done before they release him. This is it now im never coming back.

goddessofsmallthings Thu 18-Feb-16 01:26:18

I agree with SGB and also question why the police have told you to check into a hotel in the early hours with all of the disruption this will cause to your ds and yourself, to say nothing of the cost of hotel accomodation which, presumably, the police have not offered to pay.

If your, hopefully now ex, bf has been arrested it's possible he's being held in custody and won't be released until some later today. If he's not charged tonight/this morning, the police can release him on bail pending further investigation into the incident and can impose conditions prohibiting him from returning to your home and/or contacting you in any way including through a third party.

Before you embark on what may be a needlessly costly excercise, I suggest you call the police station and ask whether he's still in custody and, if not, whether he's been released on police bail and, if so, whether conditions have been imposed.

I would suggest that you gather all of the essentials & documents together and leave them where they can be easily accessed in the event that you have to leave tonight/this a.m, and then make yourself a cuppa and settle down for what may be a restless night it it transpires that he's on the loose.

As SGB has said, if he returns to your home simply call 999 and the police should, at the very least, tell him to stay away.

AliceInUnderpants Thu 18-Feb-16 01:28:49

Well done for making that step. Can you explain the situation to the hotel and ask if a staff member could help you with a bag when you arrive?

Means2anend Thu 18-Feb-16 01:29:22

They said im high risk. He will kill me if im here when he gets out. He might not even get charged cos my word against his but they have taken all the history and said hopefully that will be taken into account. What he did tonight was nothing compared to usual but his was the lastt straw. So they sed better to get out and be safe than risk it. But i agree id rather not wake son at this time hes only a toddler. And we would have to get taxi to hotel and ive got no cash on me. Should i ring the station then?

Means2anend Thu 18-Feb-16 01:30:21

I think they were worried i might change my mind and stay but no way in hell and im staying. This is my chance im taking it

Means2anend Thu 18-Feb-16 01:30:56

No way in hell am i staying* sorry typing on phone

goddessofsmallthings Thu 18-Feb-16 01:35:57

Cross posted with you OP. As the tenancy is in his sole name you have no legal right as such to remain in the property long term but, nevertheless, there is no reason why you should panic as, if the police are of the opinion that it's not safe for you to stay tonight, they should provide emergency accomodation for you - and I can assure you they are not short of numbers they can call in precisely the situation that you find yourself in.

Call the police station and explain that you have been advised by patrol/beat officers not to stay in the property, but you have no cash to check into a hotel or friends/relatives who would be able to take in you in the middle of the night and you need to be assured that he won't be released until the dv unit have made contact with you.

goddessofsmallthings Thu 18-Feb-16 01:39:44

Also make it clear to the station sergeant, or whoever you speak to, that you are now in fear of your life, and that of your dc, as you know from experience that he cannot control his anger and, no matter what he may say to the contrary to police officers, he'll be intent on causing you serious harm.

Means2anend Thu 18-Feb-16 01:42:10

God thankyou so much i just rang the station she assured me he wont be interviewd till the morning. The lady i spoke to is on till 7 and will ring me if it happens earlier than that. I will put the key in the door just in case. Thats a relief i can think properly now. Sorry for rambeling i have nonone else to ask

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now