Skip to main content
Skip to main navigation
Skip to talk navigation

Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Saved Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Flip

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Dumped

196 replies

Springheeled · 30/10/2015 17:40

Have just been dumped after 7 months. At least, think I have. I feel like I want to die. Not literally, I mean, I am not suicidal, but the hours are passing so slowly and I keep crying.

OP posts:

Report

NotTheSpiceOfLife · 30/10/2015 17:43

Awww

What happened?

ivykaty44 · 30/10/2015 17:44

Why are you unsure? It's only natural to be upset, have you anyone in rl to keep you company?

Springheeled · 30/10/2015 17:46

Everything perfect then a row :( don't really want to out myself. Serious relationship. I'm in shock and reeling.

OP posts:

Springheeled · 30/10/2015 17:46

Says doesn't think things will be ok

OP posts:

NotTheSpiceOfLife · 30/10/2015 17:46

Is it definitely over?

NotTheSpiceOfLife · 30/10/2015 17:47

What was the row about?

ChilledAndPleasant · 30/10/2015 17:48

Oh yuk. What a horrible feeling. Is the person there with you now or was this over the 'phone?

Springheeled · 30/10/2015 17:50

By text.
I don't know if over but I think so, the message doesn't bode well and no response since.

OP posts:

WillCrossThatBridge · 30/10/2015 17:51

Oh yuk. Horrible to leave you hanging.

So are you at home alone now?
Have you been rowing much? Did something spark this evening's messages?

Springheeled · 30/10/2015 17:52

I really thought this one was the one

OP posts:

Springheeled · 30/10/2015 17:54

No not rowing much, thought everything was perfect.

OP posts:

Springheeled · 30/10/2015 17:58

Wish I could say more. We were living together mainly. Kids had all met. Devastating. I feel really stupid.

OP posts:

Springheeled · 30/10/2015 18:16

Argument was over not much and everything. Money, mainly.

OP posts:

Seeyounearertime · 30/10/2015 18:22

Money causes rifts in even the closest of people, it shouldn't, but it does.
More so when there's not much going around. :(

I think you need to clarify things, find out whether it is over. If you've asked this and he's left you hanging then he's not a decent person anyway.
Ask yourself if this is what you want from life anyway?

Theoldcauliflower · 30/10/2015 18:22

Maybe he's just angry at the moment, it's hard to help when you can't say what it was about.
Hope your ok
He might have just said that in the heat of the moment

Springheeled · 30/10/2015 18:29

He won't speak to me to clarify things, the phone just rings and rings.
I suppose that IS the answer.
The pillow still smells of him, his things are here. I miss him and can't believe everything went to shit in 48 hours

OP posts:

Springheeled · 30/10/2015 18:31

seeyounearertime that's a big part of the question. That's why I am in shock.

OP posts:

wannaBe · 30/10/2015 18:39

TBH, even if he comes back, someone who runs off like this after an argument with talk of how things are not ok isn't long-term relationship material.

You're only seven months in, consider that you've had a lucky escape, and consider that he's shown his real colours now.

Yes it's upsetting, but you deserve more than someone who runs off at the merest hint of a row.

Springheeled · 30/10/2015 18:42

He is under pressure though at the moment, needing to find work.
Having said that, Wannabe it isn't the way that I would row. It causes a really bad cycle to start. I get a need for space and cool down but it tends to make me overreact and start begging because I prefer to talk things out and then have a big hug.

OP posts:

Springheeled · 30/10/2015 18:45

I think that's why I'm so distressed. I worked very hard to trust after a very bad previous relationship.

OP posts:

Seeyounearertime · 30/10/2015 18:50

If he's under pressure he shouldn't be taking it out on you.
If he has money worries, he shouldn't be running to God knows where and God knows who, he should be talking to you to get through.

How often does this "cycle" happen and how often does he start it?

I've known guys, I'm not saying your guy is one BTW, that cause an argument just so they can flounce out and wait to be begged tonreturn. In the mean time he gets free reign to do what he like for the night. Drinking, cheating etc etc. Again, not saying your guy has done that but it might be worth a thought.

Springheeled · 30/10/2015 19:02

He's not that guy. I do think he is struggling. I'm not sure what it is, I feel like I've been hit by a truck.

OP posts:

Don’t want to miss threads like this?

Weekly

Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!

Email address

Log in to update your newsletter preferences.

You've subscribed!

Springheeled · 30/10/2015 19:05

I caused the argument

OP posts:

wannaBe · 30/10/2015 19:31

Is this the first real argument you've had? Because if so then this is an insight into how he reacts when you row.

The first real row in a relationship is always difficult ime because then you get to see character traits of your partner which you weren't prepared for, and that's the case for all of us, because let's face it it's the first time we get to see our other half angry with us and vice versa, and it starts a new dimention in the relationship - not necessarily a negative one - but one which does let you see that part which was previously unseen. And it's how people deal with conflict which is the real test to a relationship because not everyone can come back from conflict in the same way.

From my own perspective I hate conflict of any kind, and I have to sort things out ASAP. And that usually ends up in me going from being angry to ending up in floods of tears because I didn't want it to happen in the first place.

If you're that kind of person (and it sounds from your description that you are) then being rejected after a row just makes things worse because it just enhances the need to make things better and the belief that they've been made worse.

Conversely however, running off and claiming that things can't be sorted after a row is not the sign of someone who deals with conflict well, or someone who will deal with difficult times in your relationship well. And while he may be the loveliest bloke when not arguing, if an argument is going to provoke this kind of response then the unpredictability of it will just lead to a place where you're afraid to stand up for yourself for fear of the rejection it will cause when you have a row.

What was the argument about?

Springheeled · 30/10/2015 19:42

That rings true Wannabe, completely.
That's why I am so sad. Because I don't want it to end but I think that if he doesn't end it/ hasn't ended it such a bad pattern is set and it leaves a bitter taste.
I wish I could say what the row was about. Essentially, my mistrust.

OP posts:

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.