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Back to square one :-( don't know who the dad is :-(

(410 Posts)
Halleberry Wed 28-Jan-15 12:18:15

I posted a while back this same topic. I had become increasingly obsessed with this and could not settle. I managed to move past it (for a while) until yesterday my new midwife told me my dating scan coil be up to a week or so out. Now in devastated as I'd been told before that done at the right time they are never more than a couple of days in or out. Basically my last period was on or around the 20th August. I slept with my partner a few times between the 25th August until we reconciled properly in September. However after a drunken night in the 7th of September, I slept with a good friend of mine. On the 15th of September I don't a pg test and it was positive @ 2/3 weeks. My first scan put my due date @ 26 May 2015. Meaning I conceived on or around beginning of September (and I was sleeping with my partner at this time). But now after new mid wife saying it could be a week out I'm back to square one and I'm ill over it. Anyone any advice/experience please? Can a clear blue say 2/3 weeks only 8 days after intercourse? Does this seem more than likely paranoia and baby is my partners? Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Please no judgment. I hate myself enough as it is and this pregnancy is awful.

Ohfourfoxache Wed 28-Jan-15 12:21:50

Ignore the clear blue "information" - it's a gimmick designed to give you a "rough idea".

Go by your period dates. Did you have a regular cycle?

Littleturkish Wed 28-Jan-15 12:22:02

I would SERIOUSLY doubt you could get 2-3 weeks from 8 days.

Please don't panic, you can't change it. But be pretty sure it is your partner's.

MyChildDoesntNeedSleep Wed 28-Jan-15 12:25:28

If you tell us what type of contraception you use that might give a clearer idea

Halleberry Wed 28-Jan-15 12:27:10

Yeah my period is pretty regular. It's usually around the 20th of each month. I can't remember the exact date of it but it was about the 20th of August. I done 2 cheaper tests ad a clear blue on the 15th of September and got clear positives from all. I know this is all my own fault and I really do hate myself for it because I love my partner very much. We were just going through a rough patch. We are so happy now and he is so excited about this. I will break my whole family up if I tell him about this. Im making myself ill over it. Panic attacks ((one resulting in a visit to a and e)).... But I can't bring myself to tell him because it very well could be his and it would all be for nothing.

PotteringAlong Wed 28-Jan-15 12:27:50

You've asked this before and got a pretty universal "you'll be very very unlikely to get a positive pregnancy test 8 days after intercourse".

You either need to get a pre-natal DNA test or stop beating yourself up about it.

ChippingInLatteLover Wed 28-Jan-15 12:31:25

I'm sorry you're going through this sad

I don't think any amount of advice is going to help re knowing who the father is.

You have two choices right now. Tell him or wait and see.

Halleberry Wed 28-Jan-15 12:31:40

I know :-( I actually managed to put it out of my mind until I met my new mid wife yesterday. Now I'm a mess again. Sorry to be a pest x

Cheerfulcharlie Wed 28-Jan-15 12:33:32

i think there are blood tests you could get done privately - taking DNA from the baby in your own blood so no risk to the baby. It will be expensive (maybe £500 - 1000?? not sure) but would give you a clear result. Possibly the PANORAMA or HARMONY test could do this?

PotteringAlong Wed 28-Jan-15 12:35:29

www.nhs.uk/chq/Pages/what-is-a-prenatal-paternity-test.aspx?CategoryID=61&SubCategoryID=615

Halleberry Wed 28-Jan-15 12:35:30

I will look into that in more depth but I don't know how I'd get blood for my OH withit having to explain this :-( x

PotteringAlong Wed 28-Jan-15 12:35:48

Cross posts!

PotteringAlong Wed 28-Jan-15 12:37:04

www.alphabiolabs.co.uk/public-services/relationship-dna-testing/prenatal-test/

Non invasive testing in the uk

ChippingInLatteLover Wed 28-Jan-15 12:37:52

You're not a pest. Not at all. It's a horrible decision to be making and if people have read it before and don't want to be constructive they can simply ignore the thread. It's really not compulsory to post hmm

CheefulCharlie. Yes there are, but you obviously need the potential fathers DNA, so she'd need to tell him & ask him for that. Which comes back to my 'two choices'.

spanky2 Wed 28-Jan-15 12:38:22

I think that you should talk to your midwife about dates. There is no point worrying about it as it is done. Easy to say... Do you have to tell your partner? I honestly don't know. Is the other man the same colour? That would be obvious that he wasn't the Dad. I know honesty is important but what is to be gained by upsetting everyone when it is likely to be your partner's. The only way to know is dna testing.

PotteringAlong Wed 28-Jan-15 12:40:03

To be honest, the longer you go without telling him the worse it is going to be. Your problem is is that is the baby isn't his that could come out in a number of different ways - blood type, genetic illnesses, looks. And if it is his and you choose not to tell you cannot tell anyone, ever, for the rest of your life. But you will need a definite test one way or another or else there will always be a nagging "what if" in the back of your mind.

Halleberry Wed 28-Jan-15 12:44:42

There are no "colour" differences. I couldn't pass baby off as his if it wasn't though :-( but I know that telling him will be awful and he will leave until baby is born and he finds out if he is the dad and I honestly think if he left I'd have a break down. I'm under special care due to my metal health right now and telling him this and watching him leave wi be devastating x

ChippingInLatteLover Wed 28-Jan-15 12:45:58

Ok.

Clearly you have another option here too.

Ask your friend to do the DNA test.

AnotherChangeforMonday Wed 28-Jan-15 12:46:11

Halle, could you get blood from your friend rather than your DP? If it's definitely one of theirs, then this would settle it, wouldn't it?

Good luck and sorry you're going through this.

AnotherChangeforMonday Wed 28-Jan-15 12:46:43

X-post chipping!

ChippingInLatteLover Wed 28-Jan-15 12:47:30

Does he have any right to be pissed off with you for having sex with your friend that night? Would you have been ok with him having sex with someone else at that stage of things?

ChippingInLatteLover Wed 28-Jan-15 12:48:36

Great minds! Another. Mine's just needs more coffee. It look. E a while to spot the obvious solution. Well, a starting point anyway.

Halleberry Wed 28-Jan-15 12:48:57

My so called "friend" and I no longer speak and he has left the country (must have left quite an impression :-/ ... But he is abroad now and I have no idea how to contact him. If he were here I would be asking him and asking him to help with costs. But it's not an option. If I told my partner, I know he would leave. Our son would be devastated, I'd end up having a break down and everyone would be crushed. And if it is his baby he will be there for the baby but he will not want to be with me anymore. I can't manage on my own x

Halleberry Wed 28-Jan-15 12:51:49

Yes he would have a right. We were trying to reconcile things and I don't believe for a second he was sleeping with anyone else. I don't know why I done what I done. I regretted it instantly and asked him to leave and cried and cried for days. If I think about it it was more like 7 days after sex because it was very late on the Sunday night we slept together and it was the following Monday I done the test. So it wasn't even a full 8 days free sex that I got a 2/3 week strong positive x

Hairtodaygonetomorrow Wed 28-Jan-15 12:55:57

I find this very depressing too, nothing constructive to add but just thanks for posting it.

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