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Heartbroken could my husband be seeing an escort!(95 Posts)
Hi I have never posted on this before but I'm at my wits end, I can't talk to friends or family and really need some help.
I have known my husband for 8 yrs married for 4 we have a 16 month old child and I thought we were happy. When I became pregnant my husband seemed to go off sex and that side of our relationship and any intimacy is now pretty no existent.
I want to get our relationship back on track but a couple of weeks ago I accidentally saw some FB messages showing a conversation between him and an ex collegue it all seemed harmless enough, in fact she was the one pushing for him to call her!! She asked for his mobile no and he said he could only give her his work phone as I had access to his personal phone!
I confronted him about this and he said that she was just a friend and didn't tell me because he didn't want me to get the wrong idea! He said that he had been stupid to of done that and since I have had no reason to not trust him before I let it go.
However a couple of days ago I'm afraid my curiosity got the better of me when he left his phone on the side when he went out, he has since given me the pw for it and I wanted to see if there had been any contact between him and this woman. What I found shocked me to the core. There was a text from a no which simply said please confirm your 12:30 1hr app for tomorrow xxx this couldn't be just a routine app as who ends it with 3 xxx so I opened the thread and saw a reply saying that he couldn't make it because of work but he will make another app next week xxx.
Who could this be? I wrote the no down and googled it, to my horror it was for a escort about 30 mins away from his office! I felt sick to my stomache and couldn't believe his betrayal. There were no other messages and no trace of the no in his contact list but I had to confront him as I was going out my mind. He told me that it must have been an old text, as it was a work phone even though the phone was new it was an old sim and apparently this guy was sacked for using escorts in work time. He claims it has nothing to do with him and was shocked I would even think he could do something like that!
He was upset and frustrated at the situation as he said how would I feel if I was being accused of something I didn't do, although he agreed he would react and feel the same way, he said he was now screwed for want of a better word as clearly I now had lost all trust in him.
I truly do not know what to think, I can't even comprehend he would risk everything and I am pretty sure I would react the same way if I knew that I was innocent, but that doesn't change the fact that to have a ghost text from over a year ago suddenly appear on his phone seems pretty far fetched. I don't want to throw my marrige away but I don't want him to think I'm a gullible mug either, please help me move forward.
Thanks so much for any advice I'm in turmoil.??
Sorry but his story sounds like BS and I just wouldn't believe that, it sounds like it's him making appointments with escorts, not a colleague from a year ago, how on earth would a text come through again that was a year old? Just doesn't add up and add the fact you don't have a sex life - hey presto.
Can you not tell when the texts were sent? It certainly sounds like he's full of shit, but I suppose all things are possible. Can you check his bank statements for cash withdrawals and his internet history?
Listen, there's clearly been a change in his behaviour, which has made you suspicious enough to check up on him and each time you've checked you've found something you don't like.
As for the FB messages, if he didn't want to give her his personal number he could have just said that. The bit about you having access to his personal number, hence giving her his work number reeks of something dodgy going on. I'm not saying he's having an affair, but he's clearly doing something that would upset you. What was his reason for this?
There is no way a text from a year ago would suddenly appear in your inbox, plus, what's the story re the phone being used for escorts, it all reeks of BS I'm afraid. Never mind the FB message, that too sounds overstepping the mark.
OP, he will be angry, he will react like he is innocent, he will no way own up to this.
If he is using his work phone for his frolics he can be sacked!
The text was dated September 25 that's all I know, I'm just so confused why would he give me his work phone pw to show transparency after the FB messages only to be texting an escort, he didn't have to give me his pw! If there are no other texts on his phone from this no why? Look I'm by no means sticking up for him but I know from a techie friend it is possible to receive a text from the past again when it's been someone else's sim but it's clearly not common. I just don't understand why he could get so upset if he is unhappy why not just admit it? I am so confused right now!!
Perhaps he deletes the texts and hadn't this time - game up!
I've changed numerous sims and never had a text from a year ago. Is your call OP, you obviously know him but I just would not buy any of that.
Ask him to get an itemised bill for sept from work, you will see if he has phoned or text the number, if he refuses or finds excuses to not produce the bill you have your answer, you could always tell him you will phone the accounts dept of his work and request it yourself as the bill shows texts from a prostitutes number...
So, assuming we don't believe 'Its someone else's message on an old sim', he's been seeing escorts weekly (spending family money) at least since you were pregnant, about two years, I wonder how much he's spent?
Did he ever mention anyone getting the sack for using escorts? It seems like the kind of thing you might tell your partner when they ask how your day went.
Aren't phones wiped when swapped between employees? I highly doubt texts like that would be left on a work phone by the company.
Hope you get this sorted but I don't believe his story for one second.
Yeah funny how a year ago he never mentioned it to you OP.
I think if he's angry now and if the OP now demands proof, he will really become livid, he's no way going to admit to any of this! He will use the anger to point blank refuse, after all, he's an innocent.
I would call his bluff and contact his employer if he carries on denying.
Ahh the old 'I had to give her my work details not personal ones in case you saw as you would get upset' line. What bull shit.
Anger is the best attack and way to get you to STFU.
OP, could your husband have made the 12.30 appointment that he had apparently made? I know it said he had to cancel because of work but is it the kind of thing he would be able to do in the middle of the day, take a long lunch break from work?
Also if you saw the text had been replied to then surely the text couldn't have been a magical one from the past that suddenly appeared. It would be an exchange of texts that suddenly appeared which sounds even more ludicrous.
Aside this issue, how do you feel about a non existent sex life OP?
His job is very stressful he says that there is no way he could just disappear for an hr, he is currently on his probation period joined the company 6 months ago so he is terrified he will get booted out, he asks where he would get the money from as we are in the middle of a major renovation on the house! He said that he feels his world is crumbling around him and he doesn't know why. I am having real trouble even thinking he would do something like this, I know everyone says this but he is massively close to his family and I just can't comprehend it. I am not happy about the lack of intimacy which is why I want to get things back on track, the problem is I don't know whether i can bear to let him touch me after this , I just wish he would of spoken to me about this before doing something that would break up our family. I am the first to admit I didn't want sex after our baby was born I had put on 3 stone and felt very unattractive but surely that doesn't mean that every man with a dwindling sex life because of a baby doesn't resort to an escort?
I'm not sure his company would give me his phone records I guess I could try and call his bluff, but if he is so unhappy enough to resort to this why didn't he just leave and why is he now acting so beaten and defeated saying that ive made up my mind do there is nothing he can do to change it?
He clearly is playing a victim here.
If he is innocent he would agree to try to clear his name.
He says he is determined to find out what's happened he is getting the facilities guy to talk to the phones service provider although this could be BS. Do you think it could be possible that he was curious, frustrated with having no sex and seeing an escort went through his mind but realised he would lose everything and backed out? As I said there were no other messages and no evidence to suggest he had seen her before or indeed did go through with it!! Or am I just clutching at straws?!
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